Danny Nash

Danny grew up on a small family farm in downtown Manhattan, New York. Like Jesus, he was raised by his mother because, also like Jesus, his father was always busy working. He studied the Gladiatorial Arts at the University of Phoenix before dropping out to pursue a career in music. He was one of the original members of One Direction, but was asked to resign for being, ‘too drunk.’ If you ask him though, he left of his own accord because he didn’t want to be in a band with, “a bunch of stupid jerks.” After hitting rock bottom, he took an interest in politics and began writing for The Mideast Beast. He literally can’t remember any other part of his life. He is also smarter than you and everyone you’ve ever known.

 

Suez Canal Expansion Prompts Americans to Ask, “What the Hell is the Suez Canal, and Why Was It So Small To Begin With?”

Suez Canal Expansion Prompts Americans to Ask, “What the Hell is the Suez Canal, and Why Was It So Small To Begin With?”

A new, $8 billion expansion of the Egyptian Suez Canal will allegedly reduce the wait-time for about fifty ships per day, Egyptian officials announced earlier this week. Egypt’s President Sisi unveiled the expansion to great… whatever the opposite of “fanfare” is. Egyptians wondered why, in the midst of economic distress, their leader would spend such an obscene amount of money...

New Poll: Israelis Sick of Settlers’ Bullshit

New Poll: Israelis Sick of Settlers’ Bullshit

In the wake of the brutal murder of an 18-month old Palestinian child, Ali Saad Dawabsha, by way of firebombs, a new poll has found that Israelis are tired of their crazy settler countrymen. An ever-growing number of Israelis began living in West Bank settlements following the 1967 Six Day War, and since that time, like untreated genital warts, they’ve...

Commandments 11-20 Discovered in Israeli Cave
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Commandments 11-20 Discovered in Israeli Cave

Coming off the heels of a cryptic tease about a “big announcement” earlier this week, Israeli archaeologists released an earth-shattering finding in Southern Israel. The apparent second half of what has up until now been called the Biblical “Ten Commandments.” Israeli archaeologist Ron Yisraeli told the media, “It turns out that there were actually twenty commandments given to Moses, and...

Netanyahu Assures International Community That He is Committed to Pursuing Status Quo

Netanyahu Assures International Community That He is Committed to Pursuing Status Quo

Following Netanyahu’s surprise victory in Israel’s March elections, Benjamin Netanyahu recently took a moment to address his critics. Many had feared that he would pursue a peace deal with the Palestinians and end the conflict once and for all. Bibi addressed the questions about his commitment to the current quagmire by releasing a statement earlier today. “I am willing to make significant sacrifices...

Report: Dad Touring Israel Starts Speaking with Terrible Fake Israeli Accent

Report: Dad Touring Israel Starts Speaking with Terrible Fake Israeli Accent

After the Stein family decided to embark on a three-week trip to Israel, things started off as an ostensibly normal vacation. However, according to Shlomi Stein (the youngest son), on about day four, it began to take a “horribly embarrassing” turn for the worse. At that point of the trip, the patriarch of the Stein clan, Avi, inexplicably adopted a god-awful Israeli...

Iran Trademarks Phrase “Nuclear Holocaust” For “Civilian Purposes”
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Iran Trademarks Phrase “Nuclear Holocaust” For “Civilian Purposes”

In a shocking move on the heels of an historic nuclear treaty with the international community, the Iranian government has submitted an application for the trademark of the phrase “nuclear holocaust.” Predictably, the leaders of some small countries that have super-obvious combovers have come out in opposition to the application, claiming ownership over the phrase, “nuclear holocaust,” is suspicious –...

Iran Deal Reveals Obama’s Political Savvy, Plan To Destroy America
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Iran Deal Reveals Obama’s Political Savvy, Plan To Destroy America

Now that a completed Iranian nuclear deal has become part of our shared history, proponents and opponents of the agreement have been voicing their praise and concern. The multinational treaty is very complex and as a result of this complexity, it seems that groups espousing different agendas can find varying interpretations of the deal, allowing for radically divergent predictions. RELATED: Radical Offshoot...

Matzah Ball Soup Finally Wins FDA Approval
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Matzah Ball Soup Finally Wins FDA Approval

Following a prolonged legal battle, the FDA has finally categorized matzah ball soup as a certified cure for several common ailments. The traditional meal, often referred to as “Jewish penicillin,” has been used to treat colds for well over a thousand years, according to numerous Jewish grandmothers. For decades, the FDA has categorized the delicacy as a homeopathic cure, and...

Following US Supreme Court Decision, Boehner and Netanyahu to Wed
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Following US Supreme Court Decision, Boehner and Netanyahu to Wed

Many have called it a victory for human rights. Some have called it an act that will anger God. Two government leaders call it a dream come true. Following the long awaited US Supreme Court decision legalizing gay marriage in all fifty states, John Boehner (R-OH) and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin ‘Bibi’ Netanyahu have announced their plans to marry. It’s...

US Supreme Court Finds Yet Another of God’s Laws Unconstitutional
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US Supreme Court Finds Yet Another of God’s Laws Unconstitutional

In a somewhat unsurprising conclusion, another arbitrary Old Testament Law has been found to be in conflict with the Constitution of the United States. Yesterday, the Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS) announced a ruling that makes gay marriage legal in all fifty states. The debate surrounding gay marriage has become somewhat overblown in recent years, with the argument...

“Screw Israel,” Says Obama In Microphone Gaffe

“Screw Israel,” Says Obama In Microphone Gaffe

Today, U.S. President Barack Obama made clear his true feelings for the Jewish State, albeit accidentally. Prior to speaking to the press at a White House event, unaware that his microphone was on, Obama was overheard voicing his disdain for Israel. This article is fake, and if you share it as if it were real, it means you didn’t read...

UN Efforts to Save the Endangered Palestinian Refugee a Resounding Success
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UN Efforts to Save the Endangered Palestinian Refugee a Resounding Success

In 1949, the United Nations became concerned with the low numbers of Palestinian refugees following the first Arab-Israeli War. In response, the UN quickly declared Palestinian refugees to be an endangered species and organized a commission, The United Nations Relief and Works Agency for Palestine Refugees in the Near East, or UNRWA, to foster the growth of the failing population....

United Nations Condemns All Past, Present, Future Israeli Actions
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United Nations Condemns All Past, Present, Future Israeli Actions

The United Nations Security Council (UNSC) passed a resolution earlier today stating that any and all Israeli military action constitutes war crimes.  What separates this resolution from the overwhelming number of resolutions already condemning the Jewish State is that it appears to be all encompassing.  “In case anyone hasn’t noticed, we just waste so much of our time singling out...

BDS Movement Recruits Waterlogged Corpse of Osama bin Laden

BDS Movement Recruits Waterlogged Corpse of Osama bin Laden

The Boycott, Divestment, and Sanctions movement (BDS) was able to recruit a very high-profile ally this week. After months of courting, BDS leaders were finally able to announce today that the long-deceased corpse of noted anti-Semite Osama bin Laden had joined their cause. “This is a great day for the fight against the Israeli Zionist war machine,” BDS organizer Michael...

Obama Vows To Stand With, Awkwardly Sip Drink Next To, Israel At UN General Assembly

Obama Vows To Stand With, Awkwardly Sip Drink Next To, Israel At UN General Assembly

Despite increasingly strained relations between Israel and the United States, President Obama announced today that he would not abandon the Jewish State. Well, not entirely anyway. The President made clear that with the reelection of Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, with whom he lacks the bromance many want to see, he could not pal around with Israel like usual. “I’ll do...

Urban Outfitters Unveils New “I watched the Nazis murder my family, and all I got was this crummy T-shirt” Design

Urban Outfitters Unveils New “I watched the Nazis murder my family, and all I got was this crummy T-shirt” Design

Following a string of questionable, Holocaust-based designs, Urban Outfitters released a new shirt not long ago that created yet more uproar. Previously controversial designs include patterns that closely mimic Nazi concentration camp prisoner uniforms, including stripes and a yellow star and stripes with a pink triangle. The Israeli Daily spoke with a spokesperson from Urban Outfitters to get some answers about...

Israel Found Guilty

Israel Found Guilty

The international community issued firm condemnation of Israel’s recent actions earlier today. An emergency meeting of the United Nation Security Council was convened in order to issue a number of resolutions against the Jewish State. Member states accused Israel of being “inhumane,” and acting with “utter disregard for human life and wellbeing.” Israel has responded to these claims by saying...