Technology

iPhone Autocorrect Accused of Taking Sides in Israeli-Palestinian Conflict
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iPhone Autocorrect Accused of Taking Sides in Israeli-Palestinian Conflict

The rebooted autocorrect on iPhone 12 has been accused of making inflammatory remarks on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. The first of many concerns was aired by Neil Rubinstein, who claimed “self-determination for the Jewish people” was corrected to “racism”. When he then asked Siri “what’s the difference between anti-Zionism and anti-Semitism”, she responded that no results were found for anti-Semitism, anywhere...

Palestinian Authority Unveils “RiotFind” App
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Palestinian Authority Unveils “RiotFind” App

Seeking to prove once and for all that there’s room in the region for more than one high-tech powerhouse, the Palestinian Authority today unveiled the “RiotFind” app now available in all app stores. President Abbas explained, “no longer will hooligans have to wander aimlessly carrying heavy rocks and burning tires, hoping to find like-minded gentlemen, inclined to smack a Zionist...

Mossad: What Do You Mean “Reintroduction of” Track and Trace Apps?
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Mossad: What Do You Mean “Reintroduction of” Track and Trace Apps?

Following other governments’ most recent reintroduction of coronavirus “track and trace” apps due to the onslaught of the Delta variant, Mossad announced this week that they’re sincerely confused by the term “reintroduction”, as they’ve been tracking citizens’ movements for years, for both national security and those ‘just in case’ scenarios. In a testament to the superiority of Israeli intelligence, Mossad...

Elon Musk Reveals Plan to Move Middle East to Mars
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Elon Musk Reveals Plan to Move Middle East to Mars

Following the successful launch and landing of his SpaceX Falcon 9 rocket last month, Elon Musk has declared that his next ambition is to move “the entire Middle East to the planet Mars.” The billionaire entrepreneur commented: “It’s kind of silly and fun, but the entire Middle East is silly anyway, so what does it matter?” In addition to sparing...

Hamas Launches Zoom Classes for Exercising Hate at Home
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Hamas Launches Zoom Classes for Exercising Hate at Home

Following in the footsteps of boutique gyms like Barry’s Bootcamp and SoulCycle who are charging upwards of $30 for daily at-home workouts, Hamas has created its own series of Zoom classes for followers who want to exercise hate from the comfort of their living rooms. Although nothing can truly compare to the in-person experience of building fire-and-forget rockets with your...

ISIS Used Offensive Terminology During Call Planning Terror Attacks, Taylor Lorenz Reports
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ISIS Used Offensive Terminology During Call Planning Terror Attacks, Taylor Lorenz Reports

Members of the Islamic State used insensitive terminology during a recent Zoom call, New York Times technology reporter Taylor Lorenz revealed after obtaining a fake identity and accessing the virtual meeting. Lorenz reported that ISIS Caliph Abu Ibrahim al-Qurashi used the “b-slur” – a reference to people with visual impairments – when stating that the West is “completely blind to...

ISIS to Continue With Remote Terror for the Foreseeable Future
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ISIS to Continue With Remote Terror for the Foreseeable Future

Fearing for the safety of their suicide bombers, ISIS announced this week that they would continue on with a schedule of remote terror for the foreseeable future. Despite aiming to have comprehensive in-person testing for all jihadis by February in order to bring terror to people face-to-face again, the organization has had to halt their plans citing the plethora of...

Iran Seeks Peace with Israel After Learning of Jewish Space Lasers
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Iran Seeks Peace with Israel After Learning of Jewish Space Lasers

The Islamic Republic of Iran is looking to ease tensions with Israel, aiming to avoid confrontation after learning of the existence of Jewish Space Lasers capable of incinerating hundreds of thousands of acres of forestland. Iran had stoked tension with Israel until Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei read a 2018 Facebook post by Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene revealing that the deadly...

Hamas Bans Homeworking for Gazans During Coronavirus Lockdowns
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Hamas Bans Homeworking for Gazans During Coronavirus Lockdowns

Hamas is leading the charge against the tyranny of telecommuting, or homeworking, by banning video conferencing, along with the occasional arrest to really drive the point home. A spokesman commented, “We’ve been monitoring how bosses have been forcing workers into annoying and unproductive online conference calls. We all know how they just raise blood pressure as people forget to unmute...

Facebook Weighing Ban on Anything Related to Israel-Palestine Conflict
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Facebook Weighing Ban on Anything Related to Israel-Palestine Conflict

Citing server problems and widespread user ignorance, Facebook Tsar Mark Zuckerberg is reportedly contemplating a ‘total ban’ on anything related to the polarizing Israeli-Palestinian Conflict. “Look, I’m a billionaire genius and I didn’t build this social media platform for Israelis and Palestinians to hate-post or upload fake news as if they’re all suffering from OCD, and certainly not for a bunch...

Twitter CEO Glad Trump is Only Leader that Incites Violence
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Twitter CEO Glad Trump is Only Leader that Incites Violence

After permanently banning President Donald Trump from his platform, Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey says he is greatly relieved that the problem of world leaders inciting violence on his platform has been permanently solved. “Removing a world leader for using his account to promote violent acts is a dramatic step,” Dorsey acknowledged. “Banning Trump could have all sorts of implications if...

Trump Asks Doctors if he Can Nuke Covid-19
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Trump Asks Doctors if he Can Nuke Covid-19

With only days remaining in his presidency, and hoping to salvage any possible legacy, US President Donald Trump has reportedly asked doctors if they can remove Covid-19 from people’s bodies using nuclear weapons. “Look doctor, I have all these nukes. Like hundreds, maybe millions of them, and I mean really powerful bombs,” Trump reportedly told his physician after learning that...

Breaking: San Francisco State University Students Devastated Live Stream with Palestinian Hijacker Hijacked
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Breaking: San Francisco State University Students Devastated Live Stream with Palestinian Hijacker Hijacked

An event hosted at San Francisco State University (SFSU) interviewing amateur hijacker, oldest remaining member of a terrorist organization, and part-time public speaker , Mrs. Leila Khaled, was cut short last night after YouTube pulled the livestream just 23 minutes after the event began. Students that had been looking forward to hearing the geriatric terrorist were devastated that someone would...

Scientists Baffled by Coronavirus Cases in Countries without 5G
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Scientists Baffled by Coronavirus Cases in Countries without 5G

In a finding that has stunned epidemiologists and upended medical consensus, researchers have now discovered cases of COVID-19 infection in nations without 5G development. Leading researchers have long believed that the novel coronavirus is caused by waves emitted from 5G cell towers. But in Iran, where there is no 5G infrastructure, satellite images have shown mass graves dug to bury...

Report: Porn Reduces Suicide Bombing
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Report: Porn Reduces Suicide Bombing

Islamic State (IS) leaders are blaming an increase in the availability of high-quality Internet porn for their inability to recruit enough volunteer suicide bombers. Speaking exclusively to The Mideast Beast (TMB), Islamic State Khorasan Province (IS-K) Director of the Head Separation Techniques Department admitted that the problem had become so acute that the organization has needed to put a new recruitment...