Danny Nash

Danny grew up on a small family farm in downtown Manhattan, New York. Like Jesus, he was raised by his mother because, also like Jesus, his father was always busy working. He studied the Gladiatorial Arts at the University of Phoenix before dropping out to pursue a career in music. He was one of the original members of One Direction, but was asked to resign for being, ‘too drunk.’ If you ask him though, he left of his own accord because he didn’t want to be in a band with, “a bunch of stupid jerks.” After hitting rock bottom, he took an interest in politics and began writing for The Mideast Beast. He literally can’t remember any other part of his life. He is also smarter than you and everyone you’ve ever known.

 

Saudi Arabian Company Introduces Dual Purpose Burka-Body Bag
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Saudi Arabian Company Introduces Dual Purpose Burka-Body Bag

“Are you tired of having to buy cumbersome and expensive body bags after finishing an honor killing?” Asks a new Saudi Arabian commercial, “then you need the Burkbody Bag!” Honor killings are, much like Bill Cosby, a disturbing reality for too many women across the world. And while this type of murder is viewed by the international community as being...

Trump Campaign Warily Monitors Athletic Ability of Mexican and Syrian Olympic Athletes
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Trump Campaign Warily Monitors Athletic Ability of Mexican and Syrian Olympic Athletes

RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL –  While the rest of the world revels in the spectacle of the Olympic games, and quakes in fear of the Zika virus coming home with their athletes, one group is engrossed in the competition for an entirely different reason. “I’m so glad I planned it this way,” Donald Trump told his staff this week, “I’m such a genius for scheduling the...

ISIS Executioner Accused of Doping After Chopping Infidel in Half with One Swing
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ISIS Executioner Accused of Doping After Chopping Infidel in Half with One Swing

AL-HAWIJA, IRAQ — Shockwaves are reverberating through ISIS leadership today, and this time, they aren’t from drone strikes.  According to sources, top ISIS executioner and Jihadi John successor, Radicalized Randy, has been accused of using performance-enhancing drugs.  Randy is the latest in a string of public figures accused of doping, joining the company of most Russian Olympic athletes, who ostensibly...

In Bid to Win ISIS Vote, Trump Vows ‘Blood of the Infidels Will Run Like a River’
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In Bid to Win ISIS Vote, Trump Vows ‘Blood of the Infidels Will Run Like a River’

With polls showing Hillary Clinton with a sizable lead following the Democratic convention, Republican presidential candidate and former Carrot Top impersonator Donald Trump has announced that his campaign will now target disillusioned “ISIS-American” voters this fall. “Now crooked Hillary may be too politically correct to say, ‘There is no God but Allah, and Muhammed is his prophet,’ but, believe me,...

World Astonished as Turkey Comes Home to Roost in Chicken Coup

World Astonished as Turkey Comes Home to Roost in Chicken Coup

ISTANBUL — The ‘chicken coup’, as the most recent Turkish government overthrow attempt has come to be called, has left the world confused and angry in a way that it hasn’t been since the end of the movie Inception.  It’s the uncertainty that’s making everyone nervous, as no one seems to know what the repercussions of such a failure will be...

Hamas Officials Begin Interrogating Trees, Rocks

Hamas Officials Begin Interrogating Trees, Rocks

Senior Israeli Intelligence officials were witnesses to a highly unusual interrogation late last night, when Hamas members were observed using aggressive interrogation techniques on a number of unsuspecting victims. The two men were caught on camera running around an open field in the dark, yelling at, and sometimes striking, various trees and rocks. Intelligence translators determined that the pair was...

Tel Aviv Declared Second Holiest Site in Homosexuality

Tel Aviv Declared Second Holiest Site in Homosexuality

Everyone knows that Mecca is the holiest city in Islam. Fewer people know that the second holiest city for Muslims is Medina. Similarly, everyone knows that San Francisco is the holiest city in the world for homosexuals. However, for decades, homosexuality has lacked a second-holiest site. But that all changed this week, when homosexual clerics officially declared Tel Aviv to...