Supporters Furious After Ilhan Omar Goes Week Without Anti-Semitic Comment
Followers of Democratic Congresswoman Ilhan Omar are rethinking their support for the progressive lawmaker after Omar went more than a week without an anti-Semitic dog whistle. Omar, who has won praise from progressives ranging from David Duke to Louis Farrakhan for her constant criticism of “Zionists,” has reportedly made few if any openly anti-Semitic remarks since early June, when she...
Man Changes Position on Israeli-Palestinian Conflict after Reading Facebook Comments
Former Zionist, Josh Liebowitzstein shocked family and friends this week when he announced that he’s changing his position on Israel. The decision came after reading several Facebook comments on an otherwise innocuous post about startups in Tel Aviv. The Mideast Beast caught up with Mr Liebowitzstein to elaborate on the decision. “Social media is a great place to start a conversation...
Biden Gives al Qaeda List of Buildings to Not Blow Up
Following a successful meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin in which he presented a list of critical infrastructure off limits to cyberattacks, US President Joe Biden announced that he has sent the terror group al Qaeda a list of 16 critical buildings to not fly a plane into. Biden sent the list by fax, stating that al Qaeda would be...
‘At Least Nazis Didn’t Make Jews Wear Masks,’ Taylor Greene Says
A week after apologizing for comparing mask requirements to the Holocaust, Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene now says that Jews in concentration camps were lucky to be able to spend their days unmasked. “Even Hitler was not as cruel as our current Fuhrer, Speaker Pelosi,” Greene tweeted late Sunday. “The Jews might have been gassed to death, but at least they...
Elon Musk Unveils Mideast Peace Plan to Rename Israel “G-71X//4” and Move the Capital to Rigel 7
Tech genius and mental maverick, Elon Musk, has made the news yet again this week with his bold Mideast peace proposal. The first part of the plan involves changing the name of the “Earth nation of Israel” to the more appropriate “G-71X//4.” The second and even more ambitious part of the plan is his proposal to move the capital from...
“Secret Jewish Space Laser” Merch – by Dissent Pins
We can thank Nick Jehlen, Madeline Elwell, Caitlin Kuhwald, among others, at Dissent Pins for this golden merch! Visit their site to get your “Secret Jewish Space Laser” pins, shirts, and hats today! Enjoy! Full disclosure: The Mideast Beast does not earn any profit for promoting Dissent Pins. (Between us, 👀 they don’t even know we’re plugging their collection). It’s...
Biden and Putin Agree to “Make World Peaceful like the Mideast”
During the recent US-Russian summit in Geneva, US President Joe Biden and Russian President Vladimir Putin vowed to “make the world as peaceful as the Middle East.” Biden spoke to The Mideast Beast about his meeting with the Russian leader in Switzerland. “Folks, I had a constructive face-to-poker-face meeting with Russian Tzar Vladimir Stalin in Sweden. We agreed to make...
Linda Sarsour to Convert to Judaism After Learning Women and Arabs Serve in Parliament, Supreme Court, and Just About Everywhere Else in Israel
Known for her advocacy on women’s rights, Linda Sarsour has become a major leader in the world of feminism, and not loving Jews as much as their mothers do. However, earlier this week, Ms. Sarsour announced her plan to convert to Judaism. Sarsour told The Mideast Beast that she started thinking about her decision during the recent transition to the...
Hamas Reaffirms Position on Two-State Solution
While packing up the last of his personal belongings at the official residence of the Prime Minister after a 12-year stay, former Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu reiterated that he does not believe a two-state solution is possible. Surprisingly, Hamas decided to second that notion, stating, “We do not believe a two-state solution is possible at this time, or ever. We...
‘Why Do Only Loser Congresspeople Like Us?’ Hamas Asks
With Rep. Ilhan Omar comparing the Islamist terror group to America and Congresswomen Rashida Tlaib and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez also strongly siding against Israel during the recent conflict, Hamas leaders are reportedly confused as to why only losers seem to like them. “I mean, it’s kind of amazing that anyone in America supports us, given how insane our charter is and...
Progressives Demand Israel Replace Iron Dome with Social Workers
While Israel’s Iron Dome shot down thousands of rockets headed for Israeli cities last month during Operation Guardian of the Walls, Democrats in Congress are proposing a less violent way for the Jewish state to stop the rocket fire from Gaza. Legislation proposed by a group of far-Left Democrats would end US funding for Iron Dome and replace it with...
40 Years after Iraq Nuclear Reactor Bombing, Israel Accidentally Destroys Iran’s Nuclearized Rice Factories
Marking 40 years since the Israeli bombing of the French-made Iraqi nuclear reactor Osirak, apparently the Israel Air Force mistakenly wiped out Iran’s controversial subterranean nuclearized rice factories. The Israel Air Force commander Amikam Norkin spoke to The Mideast Beast about the dramatic accident. “Last night, approximately one hundred Israeli F-35, F-15 and F-16 fighter jets had gathered for a...
Comparison to Taliban and Hamas was a Compliment, Ilhan Omar Clarifies
Facing criticism from within her own party after comparing the US and Israel to Hamas and the Taliban, Rep. Ilhan Omar clarified that the comments were meant as a compliment of America and its ally. “I was trying to point out how much progress both the US and Israel have made,” the Minnesota Democrat told The Mideast Beast. “Hamas and...
Iran: Coronavirus, Not Violent Homophobia, Reason for Pride Cancellation
June is Pride Month, and in many countries it is a time to celebrate sexual diversity by plastering rainbow flags on pretty much anything and holding parades where people dance down the streets in speedos spreading glitter on everyone and everywhere. However, from some this year’s festivities are being put on hold because some governments still can’t get their shit...
NYT Wins Pulitzer for ‘Watermelons Found on Mars’ Story
The New York Times has won yet another Pulitzer for a retracted story, this time for a mistakenly published report that watermelons found on Mars were planted by a growing population of fruit aliens. The Times pulled down the story within an hour, saying that the post was part of an internal online test that was inadvertently published. But that...
The New York Times Unveils New “All-Israel” Section
In a dramatic announcement, The New York Times’ Executive Editor Dean Baquet today unveiled the paper’s newest section, ‘All Israel.’ “A number of our readers open the paper just to scan for our Israel coverage. Some do it to complain that we are bashing Israel. Others so they can complain that we are not bashing Israel enough. Now they just...
Once Again, God Urges Both Jews, Muslims to Stand Their Ground in Dispute over Jerusalem
Yet again tensions are flaring between Israelis and Palestinians in Jerusalem, as Hamas threatens the annual Israeli Right flag march – as if 2020 and the 11-day war wasn’t enough of a fail – God once again urged both Jews and Muslims to resist pressure to compromise and said both religious groups should “fight to the last drop of blood”...
Taylor Greene Invited to Serve on Hamas Education Committee
Just months after the US House of Representatives voted to bar Greene from the House Committee on Education and Labor, Hamas, the Islamist militant group in charge of governing the Gaza Strip, announced that it has invited her to chair its education committee, only weeks after an 11-day war with Israel. “Frankly, we were incredibly impressed by the depth of...
Ellie Kemper Apologizes for Controversial ‘Al Qaeda Beauty Pageant’
Actress Ellie Kemper is once again apologizing for her youthful indiscretion after it emerged that the star appeared in Al Qaeda’s 1999 ‘Queen of the Jihad’ debutante ball. Kemper, known for her roles in Bridesmaids, The Office, and The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, said she knew little about the terror group when she participated in the pageant. “All I knew was...
Democrats Flee to Middle East to Escape Republicans’ Restrictive Voter Laws
Looking to escape Republican attempts to end democracy through restrictive voting laws, a growing number of prominent Democrats have fled the US and claimed asylum in the Middle East. Stacey Abrams, a former Georgia gubernatorial candidate who was kept out of office in a coup d’etat, recently arrived in Egypt where she claimed refugee status due to a new Georgia...