Israel Regrets Hiring Jeffrey Epstein’s Prison Guards
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Israel Regrets Hiring Jeffrey Epstein’s Prison Guards

The Israel Prison Service is facing tough questions over its decision to hire the guards tasked with monitoring Jeffrey Epstein to protect six Palestinian prisoners. The guards, Tova Noel and Michael Thomas, had been assigned to protect Epstein when the financier and convicted sex offender was found dead in his cell in August 2019. Speaking on the condition of anonymity,...

Taliban Leader Wears ‘Death to the West’ Tux to Met Gala
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Taliban Leader Wears ‘Death to the West’ Tux to Met Gala

Taliban leader Abdul Ghani Baradar has received both praise and accusations of hypocrisy after photos emerged of the militant wearing a “Death to the West” tuxedo while appearing at the star-studded Met Gala in New York City. Baradar, who flew in for the event on a UH-60 Black Hawk helicopter, used the $35,000-per-ticket celebration to rail against America’s materialistic capitalism....

Abbas Resigns as PA President, Will Relocate to International Space Station
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Abbas Resigns as PA President, Will Relocate to International Space Station

Mahmoud Abbas shocked the world early Monday morning by announcing his intention to step down as Palestinian Authority President in six weeks’ time and join the International Space Station (ISS) habitable artificial satellite. “My prostate’s the size of a melon. Zero gravity will help with the swelling,” the Palestinian statesman said after the UN Security Council rejected a resolution on ending the...

Taliban Appoints Carole Baskin Defense Secretary
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Taliban Appoints Carole Baskin Defense Secretary

Hopes that the Taliban would show a gentler, less evil face their second time in power were dashed Wednesday, as the Afghan militant group appointed alleged murderer and Tiger King star Carole Baskin to lead the military. Baskin, who is suspected of killing her husband and feeding him to tigers in 1997, said she will show mercy to resistance fighters...

Polarized Americans Being Urged to ‘Stick to their Bubble’
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Polarized Americans Being Urged to ‘Stick to their Bubble’

As countries throughout the world try to develop an effective strategy for resuming normal operations amidst the COVID-19 Pandemic (Delta-version), the United States continues to be the epicenter for both the disease and the polarization resulting from it. One popular theory is that Americans can reduce their exposure to new diseases and information by keeping within their social “bubble.”  Experts...

Breaking: Taliban Now Controls 12 Working McFlurry Machines Left Behind by U.S. Troops
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Breaking: Taliban Now Controls 12 Working McFlurry Machines Left Behind by U.S. Troops

In another embarrassment for the United States, it was revealed on Monday that U.S. Troops left behind a dozen extremely rare, fully functional McDonald’s McFlurry machines in a hangar at Bagram Air Base. The machines were quickly seized by militants. As the Federal Trade Commission investigates why most McFlurry machines in America are currently broken, the oppressive and misogynistic Taliban...

‘I Was on Ambien When I Pulled Out of Afghanistan,’ Biden Says
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‘I Was on Ambien When I Pulled Out of Afghanistan,’ Biden Says

Seeking to deflect blame for the disastrous US withdrawal from Afghanistan, President Joe Biden now says he had taken the sleeping aid Ambien before planning the hasty withdrawal from the country. “I’m not heartless, just an idiot,” Biden tweeted. “I mixed up my pills before meeting with the generals about Afghanistan and took Ambien instead of my Donepezil. By the...

Elders of Zion: “Only 20% of Europeans Believe Jews Control the World? We Really Need to Up Our Game”
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Elders of Zion: “Only 20% of Europeans Believe Jews Control the World? We Really Need to Up Our Game”

A relatively recent survey has found that only one fifth of Europeans polled in a survey of 16 European countries, among them Austria, Belgium, the Czech Republic, France, Germany, the United Kingdom and Poland, believe that a secret network of shifty Jews – the Elders of Zion – controls global political and economic affairs. The findings of the survey caused...

iPhone Autocorrect Accused of Taking Sides in Israeli-Palestinian Conflict
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iPhone Autocorrect Accused of Taking Sides in Israeli-Palestinian Conflict

The rebooted autocorrect on iPhone 12 has been accused of making inflammatory remarks on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. The first of many concerns was aired by Neil Rubinstein, who claimed “self-determination for the Jewish people” was corrected to “racism”. When he then asked Siri “what’s the difference between anti-Zionism and anti-Semitism”, she responded that no results were found for anti-Semitism, anywhere...

Taliban Defeated After Leader Dies in ‘Milk Crate Challenge’
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Taliban Defeated After Leader Dies in ‘Milk Crate Challenge’

In a dramatic reversal of fortunes, the Taliban regime in Afghanistan has collapsed after Taliban leader Mullah Abdul Ghani Baradar fell to his death while attempting the “Milk Crate Challenge” now popular on TikTok. Baradar announced plans to attempt the challenge, which involves climbing a pyramid of stacked milk crates, after triumphantly entering Kabul following the Taliban’s capture of the...