Foul Play Suspected as Mecca Voted Gay-Friendly Capital of the World

Foul Play Suspected as Mecca Voted Gay-Friendly Capital of the World

As Gay Pride marches take place around the globe, observers have expressed surprise and scepticism at a recent poll which crowned Mecca as the gay-friendly capital of the world. Despite the recent moves towards liberalization within the Kingdom itself, numerous human rights organizations have cast doubt over the veracity of the survey in light of the social conservatism of the city which lies at the heart of the Islamic world. The poll organizers have admitted that the company they hired...

Hundreds of Heterosexuals Executed During Tel Aviv’s Gay Pride Week

Hundreds of Heterosexuals Executed During Tel Aviv’s Gay Pride Week

Unbeknownst to many, hundreds of straight men and women were executed in Tel Aviv, just as the city’s annual Gay Pride Week’s activities kicked off. One of the most persecuted groups in the Middle East, Tel Aviv heterosexuals live in the shadows year round, as heterosexual relations are banned under the city’s strict “Cher-ia Law.” But during Gay Pride Week, being openly straight in the city is a near death sentence, as heterosexuals are thrown from rooftops, stoned to death or...

WEATHER FORECAST

SUNDAY Hot girls on the beach in Tel Aviv
MONDAY Sunny with a chance of war somewhere
TUESDAY High chances of failed peace talks
WEDNESDAY Slight chance of chemical clouds over Syria
THURSDAY 100% chance of Israeli-Palestinian tension
FRIDAY 50/50 chance Turkey will be ruled by a dictator
SATURDAY Hot girls on the beach in Beirut
Study: 87% of Online Commenters About Israeli-Palestinian Conflict Hold Master’s Degrees in Middle Eastern Studies

Study: 87% of Online Commenters About Israeli-Palestinian Conflict Hold Master’s Degrees in Middle Eastern Studies

According to the results of a study conducted by one prestigious American community college, over 87% of comments made on various internet forums about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict were written by people who had completed master’s degrees in the field of middle eastern studies, or in a comparable field. The study, which was carried out by researchers over a five-year period, finally explains why most comments online about the issue are so intelligent and thoroughly researched. According to Emeritus Professor Susie...

Palestinians Call for One-State Solution to US-Mexico Dispute

Palestinians Call for One-State Solution to US-Mexico Dispute

In a rejection of more than two decades of Palestinian foreign policy, Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas said it might be time for the US and Mexico to give up on their attempt at a two-state solution. “Listen, we’ve tried having separate states on each side of the Rio Grande, and we ended up with one side sending all its rapists over, and the other side trying to build a wall,” Abbas said during a joint press conference with Mexican President...

Mideast Partakes in Tiananmen Square Massacre Commemoration by Also Staying Silent About Their Human Rights Abuses

Mideast Partakes in Tiananmen Square Massacre Commemoration by Also Staying Silent About Their Human Rights Abuses

The dictatorships of the Middle East have decided to partake in the global commemoration of the Thirty-Year Anniversary of China’s Tiananmen Square Massacre by following China’s lead and staying conspicuously silent about their own human rights violations. The governments of numerous countries, from Turkey and Egypt to Syria and Iran, have joined with China to either stay silent about, or issue apologies for, their past activities in violently repressing political dissent and preventing democratic governance. “At this poignant and difficult...

Trump Decides That London Mayor Is “Definitely Worse Than ISIS, Not As Bad as John McCain”

Trump Decides That London Mayor Is “Definitely Worse Than ISIS, Not As Bad as John McCain”

London Mayor Sadiq Khan has joined an illustrious list of individuals that US President Trump has decided are “the worst people ever”. Following the President’s angry tweet calling the Mayor of London a “stone cold loser“, foreign observers have concluded that Sadiq Khan now ranks high as one of Trump’s most hated individuals. Since issuing his tweet the President has sought to clarify just how bad Mayor Khan is, saying that he is “definitely worse than ISIS, Al-Qaeda, Robert Mueller,...

Trump Promises Crippling Tariffs Against ISIS

Trump Promises Crippling Tariffs Against ISIS

In an effort to finally defeat the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria, US President Donald Trump has announced a 15% tariff on all goods imported from the Caliphate. The tariff, which will also tax exports to ISIS, bewildered economists, who noted that the policy would have little effect since there was no trade between the US and the Islamic State. But Trump, who last week announced a tariff on Mexican imports unless the country curbs illegal immigration, was unphased,...

Netanyahu Promises to Convert to Islam, Name Country ‘Palestine’ to Secure Coalition

Netanyahu Promises to Convert to Islam, Name Country ‘Palestine’ to Secure Coalition

In a desperate last-minute move to avoid another election, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has offered to change his country’s name to Palestine and personally convert to Islam in exchange for coalition support from the Knesset’s (Parliament) Arab parties. Following the news that Netanyahu had promised various political parties desperate concessions, lawmaker Ayman Odeh, who heads one of the Knesset’s Arab parties, joked that that the Israeli premier had promised that Israel would withdraw from territories captured in 1967, repeal the...

Trump, Khamenei Best Friends After Learning They Both Hate McCain

Trump, Khamenei Best Friends After Learning They Both Hate McCain

In a dramatic turnaround, US President Donald Trump and Iranian Ayatollah Ali Khamenei have become best friends after learning that they share a vehement hatred for the late US Senator John McCain. The pair made the discovery early Saturday morning, when Trump phoned the Ayatollah to brag about the latest round of sanctions against Iran. Trump called Khamenei the “fourth most terrible person ever, after fat Rosie O’Donnell, little Adam Schiff and that pussy John McCain.” To his surprise, Khamenei...

Al Qaeda Severs Ties with Boeing

Al Qaeda Severs Ties with Boeing

Following a series of incidents involving Boeing 737 Max 8 airliners, Al Qaeda announced they will no longer be using American made aircraft in their terrorist attacks. “It kind of sucks,” said a spokesman of the organization. “We were just going to start up the hijacking thing again. With ISIS taking the spotlight on the ground, we really didn’t need Boeing stealing our thunder in the sky. Pun unintended. Word play is for infidels.” The grounded terrorists said that they...