US

Trump Nominates Coney Barrett to Supreme Court
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Trump Nominates Coney Barrett to Supreme Court

US President Donald Trump has nominated Amy Coney Barrett, a circuit judge for the Seventh Circuit Court of Appeals, to the Supreme Court of the United States. Trump announced the nomination Saturday evening at a ceremony in the White House Rose Garden. “She is a woman of unparalleled achievement, towering intellect, sterling credentials, and unyielding loyalty to the Constitution,” Trump...

Tlaib, Omar Can’t Believe They Have to Side with Boogaloo Boys
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Tlaib, Omar Can’t Believe They Have to Side with Boogaloo Boys

Democratic congresswomen Ilhan Omar and Rashida Tlaib have begrudgingly come out in support of the far-right anti-government “Boogaloo Boys” movement after members of the group were arrested for providing material support for Hamas. Omar and Tlaib, sporting Hawaiian shirts and camouflage pants, announced their backing of the group in a press conference Tuesday. “We aren’t fans of their white supremacy...

Trump Doubles Down, Calls All Iraq War Veterans ‘Pussies’
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Trump Doubles Down, Calls All Iraq War Veterans ‘Pussies’

*Reposted as a timely #ThrowBack article (originally posted in 2016)*   Washington, D.C. — He says he would have prevented the 9/11 attacks, he’s criticized Senator John McCain for being captured during the Vietnam War, and presidential republican nominee Donald Trump shows no signs of backing down, as Trump yesterday blasted all Iraq war veterans as “a bunch of pussies...

Portland to Set Controlled Burns of Homes, Businesses to Stop Antifa
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Portland to Set Controlled Burns of Homes, Businesses to Stop Antifa

Looking to limit devastation caused by Antifa and other vandals and arsonists, Portland Mayor Ted Wheeler announced that the city will resume controlled burns of properties in the downtown business district. Since the beginning of riot season, the abundance of flammable material such as cars, homes, and shops has contributed to out-of-control arson and vandalism throughout the city. Portland officials...

ISIS Storms US Restaurants Demanding Diners Say “Death to America”
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ISIS Storms US Restaurants Demanding Diners Say “Death to America”

Though ISIS has never been linked to a violent attack in the United States, “mostly peaceful” ISIS affiliates have begun demonstrating in cities across the US, including Seattle and Portland, where law enforcement officials have agreed to stand down.  Their demands are clear and their strategy effective.  Masked protestors dressed in black have been rushing into restaurants en masse to...

Trump’s anti-Semitic Comments in Fox News Interview Wins Crufts Award for “Most Impressive Dog Whistle”
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Trump’s anti-Semitic Comments in Fox News Interview Wins Crufts Award for “Most Impressive Dog Whistle”

Trump went on Fox News this week to say that dark shadowy people are controlling Joe Biden and the election, which not only solidified his voting base of elderly Germans hiding out in Argentina, but also awarded him the Crufts International Award for “Most Impressive Dog Whistle.” Although this award usually goes to physical whistles for attracting dogs, Crufts adjudicators...

Republican National Convention to Be Hosted in Judea and Samaria
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Republican National Convention to Be Hosted in Judea and Samaria

This week as Mike Pompeo announced that he would be tuning into the Republican National Convention (RNC) from Jerusalem to win over the Evangelical Messianic Jewish vote, some said he was not taking Jared’s peace “plan” seriously enough, so the party decided instead to double down and host the entire event in, what they’re calling, Judea and Samaria. Although almost...

Republicans to Give AOC Three-Hour Convention Slot
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Republicans to Give AOC Three-Hour Convention Slot

Calling it a travesty that the 30-year-old Congresswoman was given just one minute to speak at the Democratic convention, Republican National Committee Chair Ronna McDaniel has offered Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez a three-hour slot at the upcoming GOP convention. McDaniel said that it is “crucially important” for voters to hear Ocasio-Cortez’s political positions and worldview given AOC’s role in shaping the...

Ilhan Omar Relieved to Learn that Jews Only Control 40% of Minds
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Ilhan Omar Relieved to Learn that Jews Only Control 40% of Minds

After claiming victory in a competitive primary with 57% of the vote, Minnesota Rep. Ilhan Omar said she is happy to learn that Jews’ mind control is only effective on roughly 40% of voters. “I knew that everyone in my district loves me and wanted to vote for me, but I was really worried that the Jews – I mean,...

House Dems Force AG Barr to Swear on Copy of “White Fragility”
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House Dems Force AG Barr to Swear on Copy of “White Fragility”

While swearing in before a testimony has traditionally been done on a copy of the Old or New Testament in the United States, there is no law that requires it. Last week, during the House Judiciary Committee hearing, Democrats insisted Attorney General William Barr swear in on a copy of Robin DiAngelo’s bestselling self-help book, White Fragility. Radical young Congresswoman,...

White House: America’s New Counter-Terrorism Plan is To Destroy Itself
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White House: America’s New Counter-Terrorism Plan is To Destroy Itself

While It seems like the United States is handling the coronavirus pandemic about as well as a Parkinson’s patient in a minefield, a Pentagon source says that this might be more intentional than the public was originally led to believe. According to a source at the Pentagon, it’s part of America’s new cutting-edge counter-terrorism policy: The terrorists can’t destroy America...

British Protests, Violence Mark 244 Years Since Expulsion from American Colonies
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British Protests, Violence Mark 244 Years Since Expulsion from American Colonies

As Americans put social distancing on hold to celebrate the 244th anniversary of its independence with illegal barbeques at forbidden gatherings due to the novel coronavirus, rage in the United Kingdom set in as the British mark what they called the “Proper Mess,” British for ‘catastrophe‘. Peaceful protests against the United States’ independence turned violent, as clashes broke out between NATO...

Princeton Replaces Wilson School of International Affairs with ‘Kushner School of Winging It’
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Princeton Replaces Wilson School of International Affairs with ‘Kushner School of Winging It’

The latest public reckoning around racist, or as academia calls them “controversial,” figures befell Princeton University this weekend as activists pushed for the removal of Woodrow Wilson’s name from the School of International Affairs. In a surprise move the administration agreed with the students, stating that the name “International Affairs” is outdated and should be replaced with something more representative...

CHOP Condemns Itself After Discovering Cultural Appropriation
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CHOP Condemns Itself After Discovering Cultural Appropriation

CHOP (Capitol Hill Occupied Protest), formerly known as CHAZ (Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone) condemned itself after realizing that its new acronym constitutes cultural appropriation – CHOP for chopsticks – and also a subtle form of racism, as the name indicates a preference for Chinese food. To prevent more emotional damage, CHOP immediately went back to calling itself CHAZ and released...

Breaking: “Racist Statue of Liberty” to be Dismantled, Returned to France
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Breaking: “Racist Statue of Liberty” to be Dismantled, Returned to France

After facing mounting pressure from members of the organization ‘Suddenly Every Stone Offends Me’, New York City has decided to tear down and return “racist” Lady Liberty to France. The dramatic decision comes after numerous statues were vandalized recently in the US and Europe. Newly minted assistant professor of Diverse and Inclusive Statues and Artwork at Columbia University, Ms. Lailah...

Syria Offers to Train “Woefully Undertrained” US Police
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Syria Offers to Train “Woefully Undertrained” US Police

Syrian President Bashar Assad has offered his own country’s police force to train US law enforcement after experts said that it is “woefully undertrained” on using force. Assad, who has a soft spot for minorities, and their rights, spoke to The Mideast Beast about his concerns for America’s future. “It’s very crucial that US authorities quickly restore law and order,...

Taliban, ISIS to Advise Antifa on Destroying Statues
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Taliban, ISIS to Advise Antifa on Destroying Statues

Calling the recent US trend of angry mobs destroying statues “inspiring but a bit amateur,” leaders of ISIS and the Taliban have agreed to send advisors to Antifa and other far left groups on how to erase historical artifacts. “Destroying all art, culture and history from previous eras is obviously constructive,” said ISIS leader Abu Ibrahim al-Hashimi. “But they’ve got...

NASCAR Prohibits Drivers from Wearing KKK Hoods
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NASCAR Prohibits Drivers from Wearing KKK Hoods

Starting tomorrow NASCAR drivers will no longer be allowed to wear the white pointed hoods of the Ku-Klux-Klan to work. The decision was announced yesterday by the racing company’s CEO Jim France. The ban comes amidst a moment of reckoning over racism and white supremacy in the United States, and has upset many NASCAR fans and drivers. Jason Beans, a...

State Department Changes Seattle Threat Level to ‘Mideast’
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State Department Changes Seattle Threat Level to ‘Mideast’

Following the recent escalation of sectarian rifts in Seattle, Washington, the US Department of State issued a “Mideast level” travel advisory warning to the liberal-tech hub. “American citizens should use extreme caution and if possible avoid all travel to Seattle for the foreseeable future”, read the State Department memo. At a briefing to reporters a spokesperson said that Washington state’s...