While packing up the last of his personal belongings at the official residence of the Prime Minister after a 12-year stay, former Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu reiterated that he does not believe a two-state solution is possible. Surprisingly, Hamas decided to second that notion, stating, “We do not believe a two-state solution is possible at this time, or ever. We...
Facing criticism from within her own party after comparing the US and Israel to Hamas and the Taliban, Rep. Ilhan Omar clarified that the comments were meant as a compliment of America and its ally. “I was trying to point out how much progress both the US and Israel have made,” the Minnesota Democrat told The Mideast Beast. “Hamas and...
New York Governor Andrew Cuomo has inked yet another major book deal, this one for an upcoming title called ‘Lessons in Courtship: How to Find Love in the Intern Lounge at the Governor’s Mansion.’ The book will recount Cuomo’s great success in charming his staffers and winning their romantic affections without creating a hostile workplace. “For those looking to run...
JERUSALEM — Officials in Jerusalem say the city is in the midst of an existential crisis. Not because of former US President Trump’s decision to move the US embassy, or the recent violent clashes in the Old City over the weekend, or the crazy foreigners who dress like Jesus and roam the streets. Rather, they found out that it will...
A well-known podcaster has been arrested after allegedly threatening the controversial U.S. congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio Cortez (D-NY) on Twitter. Two hours after tweeting that AOC was “not his favorite person” due to her comments (and comparisons) on the Israel-Palestine conflict, podcaster Jacob Barns was arrested by plainclothes agents working for the Bureau for the Investigation of Trash-Talking, Curse Words and...
Aiming to strike fear in the heart of every American, al Qaeda has launched Operation Cough in Public, with sleeper cells activating across the US to cough loudly in crowded venues. Al Qaeda agents will go to sporting events, concerts, and busy shopping malls and cough repeatedly without covering their mouths, according to internal documents seen by The Mideast Beast....
In spite of many optimists’ predictions that we will all come out of the pandemic permanently wiser and more cognizant of our actions, scientists working with the World Health Organization and the Center for Disease Control warn that such an immunity may be short-lived. In some cases, they said, the sense of self-awareness lasted only minutes. Take one Rhonda Collingsford...
With 45 mass shootings in the U.S. in the last month alone, the remaining members of the Islamic State (IS) terrorist group have announced that it will cease all further attacks against the superpower. “It’s glorious – they are doing our job for us!” said IS spokesman Mahmud bin Ahmadi in a video posted online. “We were all set to...
Upholding a campaign promise to end a war that has already lasted nearly two decades, President Joe Biden announced that he will pull all US troops from Afghanistan by September 11, 3001. Biden said he chose the date because it will mark the millennial anniversary of al Qaeda’s attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon. “There are some people...
President Joe Biden has begun building bipartisan support for his infrastructure plan after the administration clarified to Republicans that “bombing the shit out of Arab countries” is included in his expansive definition of infrastructure. Republicans initially vowed to oppose the more than $2 trillion proposal, arguing that it included mostly non-infrastructure spending. Senator Kirsten Gillibrand’s reinforced this perception when she...
Major League Baseball finally has a new site for its 2021 All-Star Game after the event was pulled from Georgia over its recently passed voting reform. The game will now be held in the Xinjiang Province of China, MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred announced. Manfred said he made the decision after speaking to Bob Chapek, whose company pulled out of Georgia...
After signing landmark legislation legalizing marijuana in the state, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo is urging New Yorkers to get so stoned that they forget about all the state’s political developments this year. “After a year like 2020, it is important that New Yorkers take some time to enjoy the strongest, and most memory-erasing, strain of cannabis known to man,”...
After watching the media and celebrities stop paying attention to children kept in cages at the border after he took office, China has elected Joe Biden as president in hopes of quelling criticism of its own Uyghur internment camps. The decision came amidst mounting criticism of the camps in China’s Xinjiang Province, with a recent report concluding that China violated...
Yet another woman has accused New York Governor Andrew Cuomo of inappropriate behavior, with 134-year-old Lady Liberty now saying that the embattled pol snuck under her robe and climbed up her leg during a 2018 trip to Liberty Island. Calling the governor a “manipulative predator,” the 151-foot statue of the Roman goddess Libertas said the incident took place after the...
In an effort to crush two ongoing scandals, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo has ordered that nursing homes transfer residents who test positive for coronavirus to the home of one of the women accusing Cuomo of sexual harassment. Cuomo has been under fire over accusations that his administration hid the death toll from COVID-19 at New York nursing homes to...
The United States has long been known for its hardline stance on not (often) negotiating with terrorists. Or, at least it was, until recently when the US Senate adopted the McConnell Doctrine of overtly negotiating with terrorists if they look like you. After the US Capitol Building was attacked just two months ago by an armed mob swearing to overthrow...
Warning that Americans should not stop taking COVID-19 seriously just because there is a vaccine or because they are dead, Dr. Anthony Fauci warned that people will likely have to wear masks for centuries into the future, even after they die and are buried. “I know some folks are ready to go back to regular life, but I don’t want...
Calling it a commonsense solution to the nation’s gun violence epidemic, President Joe Biden has proposed a mandatory buyback program in which gun owners would trade in their firearms for a gag gun that releases a flag with the word “Bang!” Biden promised that getting millions of dangerous firearms off the street would end all shootings while leaving gun owners...
Donald Trump’s actions on January 6 were not much worse than former al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden’s two decades prior, several leading Republicans said after voting to acquit the former president. “Democrats are saying that it’s such a terrible thing to attack the US Capitol that we have to impeach President Trump for it,” Senator Josh Hawley, a Missouri...
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