The United States has long been known for its hardline stance on not (often) negotiating with terrorists. Or, at least it was, until recently when the US Senate adopted the McConnell Doctrine of overtly negotiating with terrorists if they look like you. After the US Capitol Building was attacked just two months ago by an armed mob swearing to overthrow...
Warning that Americans should not stop taking COVID-19 seriously just because there is a vaccine or because they are dead, Dr. Anthony Fauci warned that people will likely have to wear masks for centuries into the future, even after they die and are buried. “I know some folks are ready to go back to regular life, but I don’t want...
Calling it a commonsense solution to the nation’s gun violence epidemic, President Joe Biden has proposed a mandatory buyback program in which gun owners would trade in their firearms for a gag gun that releases a flag with the word “Bang!” Biden promised that getting millions of dangerous firearms off the street would end all shootings while leaving gun owners...
Donald Trump’s actions on January 6 were not much worse than former al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden’s two decades prior, several leading Republicans said after voting to acquit the former president. “Democrats are saying that it’s such a terrible thing to attack the US Capitol that we have to impeach President Trump for it,” Senator Josh Hawley, a Missouri...
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Chanting “Stop the Steal,” Kansas City Chiefs fans invaded the NFL headquarters in New York late Sunday night demanding commissioner Roger Goodell name the Chiefs the winners of Super Bowl LV. What started as a protest against the official results of the championship game turned violent after Chiefs fans overran security and forced their way into NFL offices, stealing podiums...
Former First Lady and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has revealed the identity of the sniper who tried to assassinate her during a 1996 trip to Bosnia: Texas Senator Ted Cruz. “I remember landing under sniper fire from Senator Cruz,” Clinton recalled. “We were supposed to have a greeting ceremony, but when I saw Ted in his sniper’s nest some...
Senator Ted Cruz’s attempt to murder Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez did not end with the Capitol riot, the congresswoman revealed. The Texas Republican also tried to shoot her down with a giant space laser, Ocasio-Cortez said in an emotional speech on the House floor. “I was walking down the street in the rain the other day when I saw what at...
Looking to prove that Democrats and Republicans can find common ground despite deep polarization, Democratic Congresswoman Ilham Omar and freshmen Republican Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene have formed a House Caucus to advance Anti-Semitic Stereotypes. The move was heralded as a triumph of bipartisanship, as the two lawmakers will work together to promote a range of conspiracies about Jewish Americans. RELATED:...
With President Biden nearing a full week in office, Vice President Kamala Harris admitted that she would never have accepted the position had she known she would have to spend this many days toiling in the number two job waiting for Biden to croak. “The Vice Presidency is awful. I can’t bomb anyone, sign any bills or even arrest the...
The high-ranking military officer known as “Q” now says he will try to break up the criminal child-eating global sex-trafficking ring controlling Washington DC in Trump’s second term, after he slept through his alarm Wednesday and was unable launch a climactic war against the cabal before Joe Biden took office. Q has long promised a day of reckoning called “The...
Actor Jussie Smollett has once again been attacked, this time by angry supporters of newly-inaugurated President Joe Biden. Smollett said he was walking back to his hotel in Oklahoma City Wednesday afternoon when a group of men in pink pussy hats approached him. Shouting, “This is Biden country,” the men spilled their soy chai lattes on the actor and stole...
While last week’s attack on the US Capitol has drawn widespread bipartisan condemnation, two prominent Democrats now say they support the riots after hearing that they are similar to Kristallnacht, a 1938 pogrom against Jews in Nazi Germany. Rep. Ilhan Omar and Rashida Tlaib, both members of a far-Left democratic faction known as The Squad, have endorsed the storming of...
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has called to congratulate the shirtless Viking who stormed the US Capitol and made it to Vice President Mike Pence’s chair, promising to work with the Viking to strengthen the US-Israel relationship. “Mr. Shirtless Viking, I congratulate you on behalf of the people of Israel on your rise to the seat of government,” Netanyahu told...
With only days remaining in his presidency, and hoping to salvage any possible legacy, US President Donald Trump has reportedly asked doctors if they can remove Covid-19 from people’s bodies using nuclear weapons. “Look doctor, I have all these nukes. Like hundreds, maybe millions of them, and I mean really powerful bombs,” Trump reportedly told his physician after learning that...
With pro-Trump protestors storming the US Capitol in Washington DC and temporarily holding senators and congresspeople hostage, al Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahiri is reportedly furious that he didn’t think of just breaking into the Capitol and taking over the US government. “I never knew you could just get a group of guys and just walk into the seat of government...
In a desperate call to Tbilisi Monday evening, US President Donald Trump asked Georgian President Salome Zurabishvili to help find nearly 12,000 votes and swing the presidential election. Trump, who narrowly lost the US state of Georgia to President-elect Joe, reportedly told aids to “get the King of Georgia” on the phone after his efforts to convince Georgia Secretary of...
Humanity’s century-long battle with fascism is finally over, after rioters in Portland, Oregon destroyed Starbucks Coffee on 3rd Avenue, a key Nazi stronghold, late Thursday night. The rioters’ seven-month siege of the city, which has focused on smashing the windows of businesses, throwing Molotov cocktails at police officers, and dumping paint on elderly women, proved too much for the global...
Looking to bring rigorous scholarship and impressive credentials to the most remote and poverty-stricken corners of the globe, incoming First Lady Dr. Jill Biden announced she will launch a new non-governmental organization called ‘Doctorates without Borders.’ Biden will lead holders of PhDs and other post-graduate degrees to war zones and third-world countries to deliver life-saving lectures on their subjects of...
Following the US Electoral College’s confirmation that Joe Biden won the 2020 Presidential Election, Trump has publicly conceded that he has lost round one. However, he immediately announced his campaign plans to take a short break before gearing up for round two of the best-of-three election series. “Biden might have just barely won the ‘first election’ because of the crooked...
