World

Americans Jealous of Myanmar Over Competent Military Coup
,

Americans Jealous of Myanmar Over Competent Military Coup

As Myanmar’s military launched a coup d’état to seize power early Monday morning, Americans were reportedly a little bit jealous that anti-Democratic forces were able to depose the elected leader without making the entire country look like circus sideshow. “There were no shirtless Vikings running around, no one taking selfies, no one stealing podiums,” one American following the events noted....

ISIS Leader Faces Backlash After Letting Ben Shapiro Guest-Write Morning Jihad
, ,

ISIS Leader Faces Backlash After Letting Ben Shapiro Guest-Write Morning Jihad

More than 100 members of the Islamic State have signed a letter denouncing ISIS leader Abu Ibrahim al-Hashimi after the Caliph allowed conservative commentator Ben Shapiro to guest-author one edition of its Morning Jihad newsletter. Looking to expand the group’s popularity, al-Hashimi has invited a series of guest authors from across the political spectrum to write ISIS’s most popular ‘Morning...

“Never Again” Suspended Due to Covid-19
,

“Never Again” Suspended Due to Covid-19

The United Nations today announced that, due to an abundance of hardships being placed on nations and the international community as a whole, they had no choice but to suspend “Never Again” until further notice. The prevention of genocide joins the growing list of compromises that the international community has had to deal with in order to fight the novel...

Eric Trump Begs ISIS for a Meeting
,

Eric Trump Begs ISIS for a Meeting

Saying that he was determined to prove himself to be the smartest of the president’s clan – even days before his father is set to leave office – Eric Trump has released a series of emails sent to ISIS leaders begging for a meeting with a senior member of the terror group. “My brother-in-law is all over the TV becuz...

The Mideast Beast to Begin Covering Real News
, ,

The Mideast Beast to Begin Covering Real News

The Mideast Beast, a satirical news source, has confirmed that they will begin to focus on reporting real news.  This comes at a time when real news, fake news, and satire are becoming less and less distinguishable. There have always been some that think satire is real and real news is fake, but recently the number of people unable to...

UN Accuses Israel of Committing Genocide Against Coronavirus
, , ,

UN Accuses Israel of Committing Genocide Against Coronavirus

With Israel leading the world in coronavirus vaccination rates, the United Nations General Assembly has passed a resolution condemning Israel for its ongoing genocide against COVID-19 virions. “The illegal apartheid state of ‘Israel’ is once again committing crimes against humanity, ethnically cleansing innocent coronavirus particles from their homes in the human body,” the resolution states. “We call on the occupation...

It’s Finally Safe to Eat Bats Again, WHO Says
, , ,

It’s Finally Safe to Eat Bats Again, WHO Says

With the first of the coronavirus vaccines being administered worldwide, the World Health Organization (WHO) now says it is safe for the public to once again eat bats in moderation. “The past year was a difficult year for citizens across the globe, as the coronavirus pandemic forced people to entirely cut bats and pangolins out of their diets,” WHO Director-General...

Italy Switches Sides Again: Country Now Fighting with Coronavirus
,

Italy Switches Sides Again: Country Now Fighting with Coronavirus

In an unorthodox, yet predictable move, the Italian government announced that the country will now be fighting with the Coronavirus as opposed to fighting against it. While the move goes against WHO regulations it was not perceived as outrageous given the country’s history of changing sides whenever they are losing in battle. “We tried everything,” said an Italian health official....

Arab League: “There’s no ‘We’ in Uighur”
,

Arab League: “There’s no ‘We’ in Uighur”

After weeks of replacing the 2020 Olympic gymnastics with the mental gymnastics of calling Israelis ‘genocidal’ while ignoring a very real genocide of Muslims in China, the Arab League released a statement in favor of their current relationship with China, stating: “Contrary to popular belief there is no ‘We’ in Uighur.” In their much-anticipated statement, the Arab League made it...

Neo-Nazis Accidentally Defend Famous anti-Nazi Winston Churchill
, ,

Neo-Nazis Accidentally Defend Famous anti-Nazi Winston Churchill

Central London saw violence this week as members of neo-Nazi groups such as Britain First accidentally gathered to defend Britain’s most famous non-Nazi, Winston Churchill. Despite the angry bald men claiming to be defending Churchill’s legacy, they clearly misunderstood what that legacy entailed exactly, as they threw up Nazi salutes while facing down the police. “I get that people are...

Ice Cube Nominated for Leader of the UK Labour Party
, , ,

Ice Cube Nominated for Leader of the UK Labour Party

The rapper and movie star Ice Cube cultivated notoriety this week after sharing a series of anti-Semitic memes on twitter, not to mention a scathing and detailed report on his “long, disturbing history of anti-Semitism. Although these sorts of actions usually result in a Twitter ban, or even job loss, mere seconds after tweeting the images Ice Cube received a...

Erdogan and Putin Officially Invite Trump to Join Axis of Evil
,

Erdogan and Putin Officially Invite Trump to Join Axis of Evil

Democratic leaders and activists around the world have been quick to condemn President Trump’s advocation of extreme force to quell domestic protests regarding the murder of George Floyd at the hands of Minneapolis policemen.  Not everyone agrees that Trump is in the wrong, with some world leaders even praising his decisive authoritarianism.  Two rock stars of the dictatorial world even...

UN Condemns Iran Missile Tests: “Didn’t Disinfect them First”
, ,

UN Condemns Iran Missile Tests: “Didn’t Disinfect them First”

On Tuesday, Iran launched two more test missiles capable of delivering a nuclear payload.  During a time when most of the world’s attention is focused on the COVID-19 pandemic, many have ignored Iran’s rapidly escalating rhetoric. Israel called upon the UN to condemn the missile tests, which they did because they failed to properly disinfect the missiles before launching them. ...

North Korea Promises to Starve COVID-19 to Death
, ,

North Korea Promises to Starve COVID-19 to Death

The World Health Organization (WHO) has praised North Korea after its supreme leader Kim Jong-un promised that he will “starve COVID-19 to death.” The announcement from the North Korean leader comes at a time when the slightly isolated country has stepped up its fight against the corona pandemic. Kim Jong-un offered an exclusive Zoom interview with The Mideast Beast (TMB),...

UN Defends Hamas, Says Rockets Were Fired on Ambien
, ,

UN Defends Hamas, Says Rockets Were Fired on Ambien

The United Nations has come out in defense of Hamas, saying that the governing militant group cannot be held responsible for rockets striking Israel since the group’s fighters were on ambien when they fired them. “While we condemned Israel’s unprovoked attacks against Palestinian protesters yesterday, Hamas must be excused for shooting rockets into Israeli neighborhoods and kindergartens,” a statement from...