Politics

US Government Bravely Negotiates with Terrorists who Look Like Them
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US Government Bravely Negotiates with Terrorists who Look Like Them

The United States has long been known for its hardline stance on not (often) negotiating with terrorists. Or, at least it was, until recently when the US Senate adopted the McConnell Doctrine of overtly negotiating with terrorists if they look like you. After the US Capitol Building was attacked just two months ago by an armed mob swearing to overthrow...

Reacting to Burqa Bans, Arab States Crack Down on Man Buns
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Reacting to Burqa Bans, Arab States Crack Down on Man Buns

In response to legislation in Austria, Denmark and France banning Muslim women from wearing the burqa, Muslim countries across the Middle East have begun cracking down on young to middle-aged white men sporting “man buns”. Saudi Arabia was the first to issue a “man bun ban,” calling the hairstyle a threat to national security. Iran, Pakistan and Afghanistan soon followed...

Taylor Greene Invited to Serve on Hamas Education Committee
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Taylor Greene Invited to Serve on Hamas Education Committee

First-year Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene will be serving on an education committee after all. Just a day after the US House of Representatives voted to bar Greene from the House Committee on Education and Labor, Hamas, the Islamist militant group in charge of governing the Gaza Strip, announced that it has invited her to chair its education committee. “Frankly, we...

Cuomo Orders COVID-Positive Patients be Shipped to Homes of his Accusers
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Cuomo Orders COVID-Positive Patients be Shipped to Homes of his Accusers

In an effort to crush two ongoing scandals, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo has ordered that nursing homes transfer residents who test positive for coronavirus to the home of one of the women accusing Cuomo of sexual harassment. Cuomo has been under fire over accusations that his administration hid the death toll from COVID-19 at New York nursing homes to...

Saudi Arabia to Require ‘Potato Head’ Toy to Have Face Veiled
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Saudi Arabia to Require ‘Potato Head’ Toy to Have Face Veiled

After Hasbro announced that its classic Mr. Potato Head toy would drop the “Mr.” from its name, Saudi leaders are requiring that all Potato Heads be covered from head to toe. “Even with the possibility that Sayyed Potato is in fact a woman, she is unlikely to give impure thoughts to too many hot-blooded Arab men,” Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed...

Biden Embarrassed to Learn Navy SEALs Not Actually Aquatic Mammals
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Biden Embarrassed to Learn Navy SEALs Not Actually Aquatic Mammals

From the vault: a TMB #ThrowBackThursday After the identity of the Navy SEAL who claims to have killed Osama bin Laden was revealed as Montana resident Robert O’Neill, Vice President Joe Biden was devastated to discover that the elite military unit was comprised almost entirely of humans and that the U.S. military did not employ any actual seals in combat. “During...

Uyghurs in Labor Camps Thank Disney for Firing Gina Carano
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Uyghurs in Labor Camps Thank Disney for Firing Gina Carano

Members of China’s Uyghurs minority breathed a collective sigh of relief earlier this month when Disney fired controversial actress and former MMA star Gina Carano from its hit show The Mandalorian. Several Uyghurs that The Mideast Beast spoke to for this article said they had felt immense pride to see a $300 billion corporation like Disney work so closely with...

Sanders Demands ISIS Pay Fighters $15 Per Hour
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Sanders Demands ISIS Pay Fighters $15 Per Hour

The ever-active Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders is still at it, this time taking the ‘Fight for 15′ to what remains of the Caliphate, demanding that the Islamic State pay a living wage of $15.00 an hour to its mujahideen (Jihadis) in Iraq and Syria. “These fighters work very hard, very long hours, in a very dangerous job, and yet they...

Biden Demands Iran Undergo Anti-Racism Training to Re-Enter Nuclear Deal
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Biden Demands Iran Undergo Anti-Racism Training to Re-Enter Nuclear Deal

The US and Iran are on the verge of re-entering the 2015 nuclear deal, but one key sticking point remains. President Joe Biden has agreed to lift all sanctions and allow the Islamic Republic to develop nuclear weapons but is demanding that Iran’s ayatollahs and elected officials undergo weeks of “anti-racism” training. Bestselling author Robin DiAngelo would fly to Tehran...

Turkish Parliament Unanimously Passes Resolution Condemning the Kardashians
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Turkish Parliament Unanimously Passes Resolution Condemning the Kardashians

Still holding a grudge with the US Senate over a US Senate bill, passed nearly 18 months ago condemning the Armenian genocide, Turkey’s parliament has passed a unanimous resolution condemning the Kardashian family for crimes against humanity. “The real Armenian Genocide is the one that these sisters are committing against world culture and common decency,” the resolution stated. “We can...

Roger Waters: Zionists Rubbed Their Balls on My New N95 Mask

Roger Waters: Zionists Rubbed Their Balls on My New N95 Mask

Roger Waters claimed recently that members of Israel’s intelligence service, Mossad, broke into his house in order to harass him for his anti-Israel stances. Waters took to YouTube to claim that, despite him never having said anything anti-Semitic or done anything anti-Semitic, the Zionist regime was trying to terrorize him by breaking into his home and rubbing their balls on...

School Board to Rename All Buildings After Transgender ISIS Member
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School Board to Rename All Buildings After Transgender ISIS Member

Calling it a necessary step in the battle against white supremacy, the San Francisco Board of Education announced that it will rename every school and administrative building in the city after Fatima al-Rajuli, a transgender member of the Islamic State terror group. After voting to remove the names of historical figures including Abraham Lincoln, Paul Revere and George Washington from...

Trump Not That Much Worse Than bin Laden, Republicans Argue
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Trump Not That Much Worse Than bin Laden, Republicans Argue

Donald Trump’s actions on January 6 were not much worse than former al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden’s two decades prior, several leading Republicans said after voting to acquit the former president. “Democrats are saying that it’s such a terrible thing to attack the US Capitol that we have to impeach President Trump for it,” Senator Josh Hawley, a Missouri...

ISIS’s Daud Hojj Launches New Pillow to Rival Al-Qaeda
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ISIS’s Daud Hojj Launches New Pillow to Rival Al-Qaeda

Rival terror groups ISIS and Al-Qaeda have gone to the mattresses, with each organization launching a new pillow brand for its supporters. The pillow war started after Al-Qaeda began advertising its Jihad Pillow on late night television. The pillow’s tagline, “You don’t want to meet Allah without a good night’s sleep,” helped it become the top-selling cushion in the Middle...

COVID-19 Given Seat on UN Human Rights Council
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COVID-19 Given Seat on UN Human Rights Council

COVID-19 has been elected to the UN Human Rights Council, joining countries such as China, Cuba, Russia and Pakistan on the international body. COVID-19 is the first virus to sit on the council since it was established in 2006. But electors from the General Assembly noted that the virus will fit in well with the UNHRC’s current members of death...