Iran Trademarks Phrase “Nuclear Holocaust” For “Civilian Purposes”

In a shocking move on the heels of an historic nuclear treaty with the international community, the Iranian government has submitted an application for the trademark of the phrase “nuclear holocaust.” Predictably, the leaders of some small countries that have super-obvious combovers have come out in opposition to the application, claiming ownership over the phrase, “nuclear holocaust,” is suspicious – calling it, “suspicious.” Furthermore, many are concerned that the act is an indication that Iran is interested in carrying out a nuclear holocaust sometime in the future.

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However, Iran has indicated that the trademarked phrase will only be used “for civilian purposes.” What this actually means is unclear, and Iranian officials have remained characteristically mum on the issue. “We won’t confirm or deny the reasons for our need to own ‘nuclear holocaust,’” said an Iranian spokesman, “We just want the right to use it, and to be paid whenever someone else does, when…. uh…. when the right time comes.” There is precedent for this type of trademarking, like when Nazi Germany took ownership of the phrase “gas chamber,” or when Scooter Braun invented “Justin Beiber.”