ISIS Member Unsure About Bringing Al-Qaeda Girlfriend Home for the Holidays

Like all holiday seasons that are just around the corner, they can be a period of intense joy, spending time with family and friends. But they can also be a time of dread. For many couples in a new relationship, one has to ask if the holidays are the right time to meet that significant other’s family. This predicament is no different for terrorist groups. This holiday season is putting a lot of stress on ISIS member, Abu al-Badhu Mohammed.

“She’s all like, ‘When am I going to meet your family and friends?’ It’s putting a lot of strain on our relationship. I’m honestly not sure how I’m going to explain she’s from Al-Qaeda. Ugh, they’re so early-2000s. Plus we’ve absorbed most of them anyhow. This really could bring intense shame to my family,” explained al-Badhu Mohammed.

The girlfriend, Amina, asked, “Is he embarrassed of me? I’m starting to wonder. When I bring up the subject about meeting his family for the holidays he changes the subject. Am I not submissive enough? I can change.”

Al-Badhu was also stressing over whether to give Amina a Victoria’s Secret hijab or a Best Buy gift card. He also was torn on how to sign the card. Best wishes, happy holidays, blessed by Allah?

“She already has plans for New Years’ Eve, and my bros keep teasing me about her and making mocking kissing noises. Do I have to meet her giggling sisters? Things are just happening way too fast.”