Special Report: Israeli Merchant Has Deal Just For You

The Mideast Beast is now able to report a fast breaking story concerning shopping in the Holy Land. Normally known as one of the most expensive areas of the Middle East, tourists to Israel may be able to finally come out ahead financially. Just hours ago, an Israeli shop owner in Jerusalem announced a special sale, “just for you.” Yes, you. There will be no signs, no billboards, no TV commercials advertising this highly exclusive sale, but rest assured, it is a unique opportunity.

“I love tourists!” The merchant told TMB. “Look at this necklace. Normally, it costs 60 shekel. But, for you, I give special price! Thirty shekel!” Clearly, this special price is not to be passed on. After all, it’s not like just any merchant offers special prices on their wares! What are the odds you’ll find another deal like this?

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Israeli labor statistics show that deals like the one detailed above are incredibly rare. When asked for comment, a representative of the Labor Bureau used the term, “once in a blue moon.” Touring Jewish grandparents concurred, saying, “What a gorgeous necklace, and what a price! Buy it for your cousin Rachel!”