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Cuming to Skies Near You: Air Aviv to Offer Clothing-Optional “Adults-Only” Class
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Cuming to Skies Near You: Air Aviv to Offer Clothing-Optional “Adults-Only” Class

TEL AVIV – For the first time in aviation history, Tel Aviv-based carrier Air Aviv will offer a restricted, clothing-optional “Adults-Only Class” on selected trans-Mediterranean routes. The separate section – to be located at the rear of each aircraft – will offer five rows of business class-quality seats, each with widescreen flat screen with over 10,000 free adult films, retractable privacy shutters, complimentary...

Bibi: We’ll Never Concede, We’ll Storm the Capitol’s Temple Mount
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Bibi: We’ll Never Concede, We’ll Storm the Capitol’s Temple Mount

Facing the end of his political career, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin “Bibi” Netanyahu told his supporters “We will never give up, we will never concede. We will break through the Temple Mount and storm Israel’s capitol, Jerusalem.” Netanyahu reluctantly agreed to speak to The Mideast Beast after he was convinced that the reputable satirical site is somehow loosely affiliated with...

Hamas Joins Forces with Tel Aviv to Build City’s New Subway System
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Hamas Joins Forces with Tel Aviv to Build City’s New Subway System

Tel Aviv City Council has signed a radical new public infrastructure agreement with Hamas. Starting next month they will be joining forces to take advantage of Hamas’ second favorite hobby (after amateur rocket firing), digging! One City Councilman explained the concept. “Everyone knows that traffic in this town is a nightmare. Last night I was at a particularly boring budget...

“That Wasn’t Me in the Israel Rant Video!” Claims John Oliver
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“That Wasn’t Me in the Israel Rant Video!” Claims John Oliver

John Oliver – the award-winning comedian, political satirist, and host of the eponymous HBO show “Last Week Tonight with John Oliver” – has vehemently denied that he had anything to do with the now (in)famous ‘Israel rant’, claiming to be a victim of deepfake technology. FBI agents have arrested Ronald Dahl, a 16-year-old London native now living in New York...

Mideast Pacifists, Drag Queens, and Feminists Celebrate UN anti-Israel Human Rights Probe
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Mideast Pacifists, Drag Queens, and Feminists Celebrate UN anti-Israel Human Rights Probe

Middle Eastern human rights advocates, such as Syria’s self-declared pacifist leader Bashar Assad, Hezbollah drag queens, and Yemeni feminist jihadists celebrated the UN Human Right Council’s decision to create a permanent fact-finding mission to probe alleged Israeli war crimes worldwide such as “chicken soup addiction.” The progressive human rights organization Woke Ayatollahs against Zionist Nukes also demanded a probe into...

Hamas to The Onion: ‘Enough Anti-Israel Propaganda’
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Hamas to The Onion: ‘Enough Anti-Israel Propaganda’

The Gaza-based, Iranian-backed Palestinian Islamist terror organization, Hamas, chided The Onion yesterday for its anti-Israel obsession, urging the Wisconsin-based satirical publication to “focus more on the LOLs.” The group’s message came during the recent outbreak of violence leading to a series of Onion articles that, in the words of Hamas leader Ismail Haniyeh, “were the kind of anti-Israel rants we...

Hamas Asks Late Night Hosts to Investigate Israeli War Crimes after UN Says Israeli Strikes ‘Precise’, ‘Accurate’
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Hamas Asks Late Night Hosts to Investigate Israeli War Crimes after UN Says Israeli Strikes ‘Precise’, ‘Accurate’

In a shocking twist to the 2021 Israel-Gaza War, Mattias Schmale, the Director of the United Nations Relief and Works Agency (UNRWA) in Gaza told reporters that he believes the IDF “struck targets with ‘sophistication’ and ‘precision’.” Unsurprisingly, anger was widespread and condemnation was quick. Hamas, who has (literally) worked for UNRWA, as well as having used UNRWA schools from...

Hamas Transgender Queen Wins Eurovision with” We Will, We Will Rocket You”
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Hamas Transgender Queen Wins Eurovision with” We Will, We Will Rocket You”

The Hamas transgender queen Latiffah Jihad surprisingly won the Eurovision song contest with the romantic hit “We will rocket you.” A visibly moved and slightly drug intoxicated Jihad, thanked her fans and supporters from a Dutch halal coffeeshop. “Good evening Europe! Salam Aleikum Eurabia! Thank you for supporting Gaza and choosing rocket love over racist Zionist rocket phobia. I want...

Israeli Army Hands Out Medals for not Making Camel Jokes
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Israeli Army Hands Out Medals for not Making Camel Jokes

In a recent military ceremony, Chief of Israel Defense Force (IDF) Ground Forces Command handed out medals to several IDF soldiers following the successful repatriation of two lost camels to Palestine, a token humanitarian gesture to Gaza for adhering to the current ceasefire. “This was a complex operation where there was the very real danger that these brave men and...

IDF to Launch ‘Operation Dictionary’
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IDF to Launch ‘Operation Dictionary’

JERUSALEM — In the latest attempt to prevent any further fighting between Gaza and Israel, the Israel Defense Force (IDF) has been authorized to conduct ‘Operation Dictionary’. Guaranteed to delight definition-loving Hamas and Islamic Jihad fighters, The Mideast Beast has learned that Israeli forces will begin carpet bombing the areas with the books starting 07:00 Friday morning. Each specially designed...

Hamas Joins Netanyahu’s Ceasefire Unity Government
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Hamas Joins Netanyahu’s Ceasefire Unity Government

Hamas has surprisingly decided to join Netanyahu’s ceasefire unity government after eleven days of tense disagreements and heated debates involving some 4,000 rockets and intense Gaza bombings. In exchange for complete freedom from adult intervention in their militant Gaza playroom, Hamas has agreed to back Netanyahu politically until 2030. Prime Minister Netanyahu’s office released an official statement: “Sometimes you need...

Russia to Israel: Civilian Casualties Unacceptable Outside Chechnya, Ukraine and Syria
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Russia to Israel: Civilian Casualties Unacceptable Outside Chechnya, Ukraine and Syria

In response to the Gaza conflict, Russia’s Foreign Ministry has warned the Israeli Ambassador in Moscow that further “civilian casualties are unacceptable outside Chechnya, Ukraine and Syria.” The senior Russian official Nikolaj Migchik blasted Israel’s “excessive” military operations in Gaza. “I’m shocked. More than 200 people have been killed in Gaza, mostly innocent masked children in their 20s with Kalashnikovs...

UN Condemns Israeli Farmers for Damaging Gaza Terror Balloons
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UN Condemns Israeli Farmers for Damaging Gaza Terror Balloons

The United Nations General Assembly issued a resolution Tuesday condemning Israeli farmers for damaging Palestinian incendiary balloons (or ‘terror balloons’), which Gazan militants have been sending over the border – along with the occasional rocket salvo – into southern Israel, causing millions of dollars in damages to Israel’s agricultural economy. According to the United Nations, the balloons are sometimes damaged...

After Britain Calls for “Proportionality”, Israel to Build Terror Tunnels into Gaza
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After Britain Calls for “Proportionality”, Israel to Build Terror Tunnels into Gaza

The State of Israel has surprisingly decided to build terror tunnels into the Gaza Strip. The unconventional decision by Jerusalem comes after the British government urged Israel to ensure “proportionality” in its military actions in Gaza. “Israel must make every effort to avoid civilian casualties and military activity must be proportionate,” said the British Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s spokesman Max...

Cuomo Receives $5 Million Advance for Book on Dating Younger Coworkers
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Cuomo Receives $5 Million Advance for Book on Dating Younger Coworkers

New York Governor Andrew Cuomo has inked yet another major book deal, this one for an upcoming title called ‘Lessons in Courtship: How to Find Love in the Intern Lounge at the Governor’s Mansion.’ The book will recount Cuomo’s great success in charming his staffers and winning their romantic affections without creating a hostile workplace. “For those looking to run...

Jerusalem Files for Parental Emancipation
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Jerusalem Files for Parental Emancipation

In a busy week for Middle Eastern family courts the city of Jerusalem has called for emancipation from its parents, Judaism and Islam, as well as from its weird uncle, Evangelicalism. After years of trying to negotiate peace between its parents, including a difficult period when it was passed into foster homes run by the Ottomans and the British, Jerusalem...