Fauci Issues Fatwa Against Omicron

Dr. Anthony Fauci, chief medical advisor to President Joe Biden, has issued a Fatwa, or Islamic decree, against Omicron, the newest coronavirus variant to threaten the West.

“After consulting with prominent alternative medicine experts like Grand Sheikh Ahmed el-Tayeb, Ayatollah Ali al-Sistani, and Rep. Ilhan Omar, I realized that a Fatwa is the only way to defeat Covid-19 once and for all,” Fauci said.

Fauci added that vaccines, therapeutics, and social distancing have all proven useless in stopping the continued spread of the coronavirus, and that waging jihad against the new variant may be humanity’s only hope.

“As everyone knows, Jihad is a spiritual struggle that occasionally uses airplanes, vehicles, knives, swords, bombs, and Kalashnikovs to convey its message of healing,” Fauci said. “The pandemic is a unique opportunity for America to consult with Jihad-experienced countries like Iran and our new Taliban allies on how to neutralize unwanted virus mutants in our society.”

Fauci concluded that Jihad is a more cost-efficient method than booster shots in the battle against unwanted viruses.

“Booster shots are expensive, inconclusive and need to be supplemented every few months,” Fauci said. “By contrast, Jihad has the power to permanently uproot unwanted viral elements, like Americans and Soviets from Afghanistan.”

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