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Lil Nas X, al Qaeda Collaborate on ‘Jihad Sneakers’
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Lil Nas X, al Qaeda Collaborate on ‘Jihad Sneakers’

Rapper Lil Nas X has once again ignited controversy with a new line of shoes, this time collaborating with al Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahiri on what the duo has dubbed ‘Jihad Sneakers.’ The shoes will include jihadist imagery and be made with one drop of actual infidel blood, the rapper and Atlanta native announced. Just 911 pairs of the shoes...

After Comments by Atlanta PD, US Pardons bin Laden After Realizing “He Had Lots of Bad Days”
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After Comments by Atlanta PD, US Pardons bin Laden After Realizing “He Had Lots of Bad Days”

In an unprecedented historical decision, US President Joe Biden issued a ‘Postmortem Pardon’ for al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden. This comes a week after an Atlanta police officer excused the attacks on Asian businesses by saying the suspect “was having a bad day“. “Listen here jack,” said Biden responding to a female reporter’s question. “The people of Georgia delivered...

Jesus Admits He Always Preferred Passover to Easter
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Jesus Admits He Always Preferred Passover to Easter

In an exclusive interview with The Mideast Beast, Jesus of Nazareth has confirmed what many Christians have feared for centuries: Passover is a way cooler holiday than Easter. “I just like how Passover is all organized with a manual for dummies and all,” said the former failed carpenter-turned-shepherd of salvation. “Easter is just very haphazard, even I can’t keep track...

ISIS Used Offensive Terminology During Call Planning Terror Attacks, Taylor Lorenz Reports
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ISIS Used Offensive Terminology During Call Planning Terror Attacks, Taylor Lorenz Reports

Members of the Islamic State used insensitive terminology during a recent Zoom call, New York Times technology reporter Taylor Lorenz revealed after obtaining a fake identity and accessing the virtual meeting. Lorenz reported that ISIS Caliph Abu Ibrahim al-Qurashi used the “b-slur” – a reference to people with visual impairments – when stating that the West is “completely blind to...

Hamas Mistakenly Orders Gwyneth Paltrow goop BDSM Kit
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Hamas Mistakenly Orders Gwyneth Paltrow goop BDSM Kit

In an embarrassing mix-up, the Palestinian terrorist group Hamas ordered hundreds of beginner’s BDSM kits from actress Gwyneth Paltrow’s gift guide, believing it was associated with the BDS, or Boycott-Divestment-Sanctions, movement against Israel. Hamas leader Ismail Haniyeh initially appeared triumphant after making the $1,350 purchase. Haniyeh released a video in which he donned black leather restraints on his wrists and...

United Arab List Leader Agrees to Support Netanyahu If He Admits Falafel Not an ‘Israeli’ Food
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United Arab List Leader Agrees to Support Netanyahu If He Admits Falafel Not an ‘Israeli’ Food

Mansour Abbas, the leader of the United Arab List, an Islamist, and now a potential kingmaker in the coalition-building process, has agreed to support Prime Minister Benjamin ‘Bibi’ Netanyahu under one condition: Netanyahu must publicly acknowledge that neither falafel or hummus are ‘Israeli’ foods. Abbas says he will support whichever candidate is willing to stand in front of the Knesset...

Year After Nuclear-Smallpox-Mustard Gas Asteroid Hits Earth, Netanyahu Still Prime Minister
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Year After Nuclear-Smallpox-Mustard Gas Asteroid Hits Earth, Netanyahu Still Prime Minister

*Updated 24 March 2021   Following last year’s impact of an asteroid comprised of weapons-grade uranium infused with mustard gas and smallpox, it seemed that everything in the world changed overnight. As the world emerges from the ashes there seems to be only one relic of history still in place – Benjamin ‘Bibi’ Netanyahu remains Israel’s Prime Minister. According to...

Evangelicals Impatient That Israel Still Hasn’t Brought About the Second Coming

Evangelicals Impatient That Israel Still Hasn’t Brought About the Second Coming

America’s Evangelical Christian Zionists are growing impatient that the prophecy foretelling the mass conversion of the Jews in Israel and the Second Coming of Christ is yet to be fulfilled. “Our support for Israel is unshakeable,” one Christian Zionist from Dallas told The Mideast Beast, “but if those Israelis don’t see the light of Jesus and convert to Christianity en...

Tucker Carlson: Wuhan Lab Bullied Me in High School
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Tucker Carlson: Wuhan Lab Bullied Me in High School

Fox commentator Tucker Carlson has once again doubled down on his accusations of the Chinese government’s alleged role in releasing the coronavirus by accusing the Wuhan Institute of Virology, also known as ‘that Wuhan lab’, of bullying him in High School. According to the conservative political commentator, not only did scientists from Wuhan develop SARS-CoV-2, which causes the disease Covid-19,...

Biden Pulls Troops from Middle East to Deploy at Tucker Carlson’s House
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Biden Pulls Troops from Middle East to Deploy at Tucker Carlson’s House

In the most dramatic shift in military strategy since 9/11, President Joe Biden has withdrawn all combat forces from the Middle East and stationed them outside the home of controversial Fox News host Tucker Carlson. The redeployment marks an escalation between Biden’s regime and Carlson following remarks by the conservative host about women serving in the military. Secretary of Defense...