Israel-Palestine

Man Changes Position on Israeli-Palestinian Conflict after Reading Facebook Comments
, ,

Man Changes Position on Israeli-Palestinian Conflict after Reading Facebook Comments

Former Zionist, Josh Liebowitzstein shocked family and friends this week when he announced that he’s changing his position on Israel. The decision came after reading several Facebook comments on an otherwise innocuous post about startups in Tel Aviv. The Mideast Beast caught up with Mr Liebowitzstein to elaborate on the decision. “Social media is a great place to start a conversation...

Hamas Reaffirms Position on Two-State Solution
, ,

Hamas Reaffirms Position on Two-State Solution

While packing up the last of his personal belongings at the official residence of the Prime Minister after a 12-year stay, former Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu reiterated that he does not believe a two-state solution is possible. Surprisingly, Hamas decided to second that notion, stating, “We do not believe a two-state solution is possible at this time, or ever. We...

Israel and Palestine Accused of Misgendering One Another
, ,

Israel and Palestine Accused of Misgendering One Another

The Israeli-Palestinian conflict has escalated to new heights with each side accusing the other of misgendering. In a statement released by the Office of the Prime Minister, at least for a few more days, Netanyahu explained, “We used to be called Palestine, but on the inside, we’ve always been Israel. And so, in 1948 we transitioned. Israel is our gender, which...

Hamas to The Onion: ‘Enough Anti-Israel Propaganda’
, ,

Hamas to The Onion: ‘Enough Anti-Israel Propaganda’

The Gaza-based, Iranian-backed Palestinian Islamist terror organization, Hamas, chided The Onion yesterday for its anti-Israel obsession, urging the Wisconsin-based satirical publication to “focus more on the LOLs.” The group’s message came during the recent outbreak of violence leading to a series of Onion articles that, in the words of Hamas leader Ismail Haniyeh, “were the kind of anti-Israel rants we...

Hamas Asks Late Night Hosts to Investigate Israeli War Crimes after UN Says Israeli Strikes ‘Precise’, ‘Accurate’
, ,

Hamas Asks Late Night Hosts to Investigate Israeli War Crimes after UN Says Israeli Strikes ‘Precise’, ‘Accurate’

In a shocking twist to the 2021 Israel-Gaza War, Mattias Schmale, the Director of the United Nations Relief and Works Agency (UNRWA) in Gaza told reporters that he believes the IDF “struck targets with ‘sophistication’ and ‘precision’.” Unsurprisingly, anger was widespread and condemnation was quick. Hamas, who has (literally) worked for UNRWA, as well as having used UNRWA schools from...

Israeli Army Hands Out Medals for not Making Camel Jokes
, ,

Israeli Army Hands Out Medals for not Making Camel Jokes

In a recent military ceremony, Chief of Israel Defense Force (IDF) Ground Forces Command handed out medals to several IDF soldiers following the successful repatriation of two lost camels to Palestine, a token humanitarian gesture to Gaza for adhering to the current ceasefire. “This was a complex operation where there was the very real danger that these brave men and...

IDF to Launch ‘Operation Dictionary’
, ,

IDF to Launch ‘Operation Dictionary’

JERUSALEM — In the latest attempt to prevent any further fighting between Gaza and Israel, the Israel Defense Force (IDF) has been authorized to conduct ‘Operation Dictionary’. Guaranteed to delight definition-loving Hamas and Islamic Jihad fighters, The Mideast Beast has learned that Israeli forces will begin carpet bombing the areas with the books starting 07:00 Friday morning. Each specially designed...

Hamas Joins Netanyahu’s Ceasefire Unity Government
,

Hamas Joins Netanyahu’s Ceasefire Unity Government

Hamas has surprisingly decided to join Netanyahu’s ceasefire unity government after eleven days of tense disagreements and heated debates involving some 4,000 rockets and intense Gaza bombings. In exchange for complete freedom from adult intervention in their militant Gaza playroom, Hamas has agreed to back Netanyahu politically until 2030. Prime Minister Netanyahu’s office released an official statement: “Sometimes you need...

Russia to Israel: Civilian Casualties Unacceptable Outside Chechnya, Ukraine and Syria
, ,

Russia to Israel: Civilian Casualties Unacceptable Outside Chechnya, Ukraine and Syria

In response to the Gaza conflict, Russia’s Foreign Ministry has warned the Israeli Ambassador in Moscow that further “civilian casualties are unacceptable outside Chechnya, Ukraine and Syria.” The senior Russian official Nikolaj Migchik blasted Israel’s “excessive” military operations in Gaza. “I’m shocked. More than 200 people have been killed in Gaza, mostly innocent masked children in their 20s with Kalashnikovs...

UN Condemns Israeli Farmers for Damaging Gaza Terror Balloons
, , ,

UN Condemns Israeli Farmers for Damaging Gaza Terror Balloons

The United Nations General Assembly issued a resolution Tuesday condemning Israeli farmers for damaging Palestinian incendiary balloons (or ‘terror balloons’), which Gazan militants have been sending over the border – along with the occasional rocket salvo – into southern Israel, causing millions of dollars in damages to Israel’s agricultural economy. According to the United Nations, the balloons are sometimes damaged...

Hamas Admits They Never Understood What “Ceasefire” Actually Means
, ,

Hamas Admits They Never Understood What “Ceasefire” Actually Means

In the wake of Israel-Hamas ceasefire talks, Hamas has admitted that they never really understood the definition of ‘ceasefire’. “We always thought that it meant ‘say you’ll stop but carry on launching rockets as usual'”, one spokesman for the Gaza-based Islamist group admitted. “You see, we weren’t really paying attention in the first negotiation meeting years ago and we’ve been...

After Removing Hamas from Terror List, EU Decides to Stop Calling Projectiles from Gaza ‘Rockets’
, , ,

After Removing Hamas from Terror List, EU Decides to Stop Calling Projectiles from Gaza ‘Rockets’

Following its decision to remove the Islamist militant group Hamas from its list of terrorist organizations, a top court of the European Union will now meet to decide what to call the aerial projectiles launched from the Gaza Strip at Israeli cities. While Sweden has proposed calling the projectiles, previously known as missiles or rockets, ‘aeronautic modern art,’ Spain has suggested they...

CNN Criticizes Iron Dome Attacks Against ‘Mostly Peaceful Rockets’
,

CNN Criticizes Iron Dome Attacks Against ‘Mostly Peaceful Rockets’

Accusing Israel’s missile defense system of unprovoked aggression, CNN has come out against Iron Dome’s violent attacks on “mostly peaceful rockets” fired by Hamas from the Gaza Strip. Noting that the vast majority of the hundreds of rockets launched at Israeli towns and cities landed uneventfully in empty fields, CNN anchor Don Lemon pointed out that the Iron Dome batteries...

US Supreme Court to Decide Where Jerusalem Is
, ,

US Supreme Court to Decide Where Jerusalem Is

JERUSALEM — Officials in Jerusalem say the city is in the midst of an existential crisis. Not because of former US President Trump’s decision to move the US embassy, or the recent violent clashes in the Old City over the weekend, or the crazy foreigners who dress like Jesus and roam the streets. Rather, they found out that it will...