The ‘American Empire’ is more than just the name of a boring college class taught by some old commie at one of the U.S.’s many liberal arts feel-gooderies– it’s a system that some liberals claim is the root of all the world’s ills. From famine in Africa and wars in the Middle East, to the Boston Red Sox and Kim...
In a chilling development, the IDF discovered several tunnels into Israel that officials believe originated in the Washington D.C. area. While the purpose of the tunnels is unclear, investigators fear they may have been built by American officials with the intention of infiltrating the country to restart diplomatic negotiations. Israeli officials said they don’t believe any Americans were able to...
For years, Israeli-Arabs have complained that they are treated like second-class citizens in their own country. The Israeli government has long denied this claim, maintaining that Israeli-Arabs have enough rights and to stop being such a bunch of whiners. Now in response to the complaints, the Israeli government has decided to officially bump Israeli-Arabs from second class to coach class,...
In the latest setback for Donald Trump’s business empire, and no we’re not talking about Trump taking it in the pooper by Jon Stewart, the Islamic State has announced it will cut ties with the billionaire real estate mogul following his controversial remarks about Mexican immigrants. ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi announced the terrorist group will destroy all Trump hotels in their territory....
From the U.S. Air Force bombarding the capital of ISIS with pleasure toys to Donald Trump’s preference for Nobel Prize winners who “didn’t get shot in the head,” we stopped at nothing to bring you the year’s most cutting ‘news’ stories. And while a full ‘Year in Review’ is not possible since The Mideast Beast (TMB) only blasted onto the scene...
Despite the potentially dire repercussions, Saudi King Salman – who turns 80 today – was spotted last week using drugs at a gay bar on Tel Aviv’s hip Rothschild Boulevard. Based on the testimony of multiple unreliable eye-witnesses, The Mideast Beast can exclusively reveal that Salman bin Abdulaziz al Saud – his beard dyed blonde, his usual keffiyeh replaced with...
Today, as the threat of violent attacks perpetrated by ISIS-inspired individuals has Western nations increasingly concerned about terror cells and lone wolves, ISIS officials implored their own people take precautions as well. Leaders of the Islamic State have learned that a number of clandestine “liberalized” cells may threaten the society they have worked to hard to build. Officials warn that...
In response to calls for a more aggressive strategy to combat ISIS, President Obama, this week, gathered the courage to send an open letter to Islamic State leaders, demanding an apology for the terror and unrest they have caused. “I, Barack “Yes We Can” Obama, denounce your acts of terror and demand an immediate apology,” the letter read. “We, for...
NACO, AZ – After his recent call to ban Muslims from entering the U.S. led to global outrage and his rumored disinvitation by Israel’s prime minister from a scheduled late-December meeting in the Holy Land, Donald Trump has returned to a more familiar campaign theme. While in Naco, Arizona on his second such campaign trip to the U.S.-Mexico border, the...
It’s now been revealed that the recently brokered ‘historic’ deal, somewhat limiting Iran’s nuclear capability, was in fact a machination brought about by an international Zionist conspiracy. Chief Zionist, Jewdah Cohen-Bergstein, congratulated those who had guessed as much in an interview with The Mideast Beast: ‘We had such fun choosing the location of the conference. Who remains the Zionist poster boy...
As the weather in Israel grows cold and stormy, Israelis are battening down the hatches to weather the harshest winter tempest of all: Russian tourists. While Russian tourists used to spread around the entire Mediterranean basin, Egypt and Turkey took preemptive action to discourage Russian flights while countries such as Greece plan to “admit as many Syrian refugees as we...
After being killed in an apparent Israeli airstrike and his subsequent ascension to terrorist heaven, Hezbollah’s Sami Kuntar has been banned from sitting at Osama bin Laden’s exclusive lunch table, divine sources have revealed. Typically, all high profile anti-Western terrorists are permitted to sit at the table, located near the emergency exit of Islamist paradise’s halal food court. As such,...
In the wake of a of stabbing attack that left two Israelis dead, a coalition of Arab countries have released a statement condemning Israeli forces for their killing of the Palestinian assailants. Though this type of public shaming is not unusual for these kinds of situations, it appears that this time, the normally Human Rights-centric veneer has been dropped. The...
With Taylor Swift’s newest album, 1989, recent rumors have been swirling that the entire album is about Swift’s speculated former romance with Zionist dreamboat, Benjamin ‘Bibi’ Netanyahu. Rumors of the hidden relationship began when the two were separately spotted in New York City, Swifts adopted home, during a United Nations summit. It is speculated that Swift’s most recent song “Welcome...
Turkish F-16s shot down Santa’s sleigh over international waters late Thursday night, as the Turkish president claimed Saint Nicholas had violated the country’s airspace. While the fate of Father Christmas remains unclear, several reindeer have been confirmed dead in an incident certain to further damage the already strained relationship between Ankara and the North Pole. The incident occurred as Santa...
Israeli and Palestinian negotiators have reached a final-status agreement, with both sides making significant concessions that will bring the century-long conflict to an amicable end, television host and State Department spokesman Steve Harvey announced Wednesday in a press conference. “The Palestinians were completely reasonable in giving up the right of return of their refugees, while the Israelis had no problem...
After Donald Trump said that she got “schlonged” by Barack Obama in the 2008 Democratic Presidential primaries (‘schlong’ is a Yiddish word for penis), Hillary Clinton has responded with even greater vulgarity. Taking to Twitter, the usually restrained Democratic front-runner made a series of lewd remarks-cum-threats to the characteristically unrestrained Republican front-runner, starting with: “.@realdonaldtrump Lube up, Donny Boy, because...
Still reeling from his landslide victory months ago, Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu hosted a press conference in Jerusalem to address critics of the proposed policies stated during the campaign. While the official purpose of the conference was to clarify his remarks on a two-state solution, staffers widely acknowledged that severe gloating would definitely be a part of the discussion. “Many...
Calling the vilified financial executive a valiant warrior in the fight against American citizens, ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi demanded the U.S. government immediately release “Pharma Bro” Martin Shkreli. “By raising the price of life-saving pharmaceutical drugs 50-fold, Sheikh Shkreli has shown an unparalleled commitment to jihad against the American infidels,” al-Baghdadi said in a video released online by the...
The Zionist overlords controlling the world’s economic, business and other institutions, have finally admitted that they had rigged the last Israeli election. Speaking to the world’s press, Jewdah Cohenawitz-Bergstein explained and justified the conglomerate’s latest political interference: “We could foresee a bit of free will seeping into the Israeli electorate, and we didn’t like it one bit. Not ONE bit.”...
