Following totally expected statements from Amnesty International blasting Israel for ‘war crimes’ – and accusing the 73-year old Zionist badass of ‘callous indifference’ regarding targets in pretty much all wars with Gaza – The Mideast Beast caught up with the Zionist pinup for an exclusive chat. “Look, I can accept that Amnesty thinks I may have been a bit heavy-handed...
Looking to ease tensions with his VP, President Joe Biden announced that he will be sending Vice President Kamala Harris to the Middle East on a very important mission to bring together the Sunni and Shia branches of Islam. The assignment comes amid reports of frustration from the Harris team over the VP’s role in the administration. Biden hopes the...
In an acknowledgement that President Biden has appeared too old for the job as president and that a livelier candidate is needed to keep the White House, the Democratic National Committee announced that 97-year-old former president Jimmy Carter will be the party’s nominee in 2024. The decision came as Biden’s approval rating continues to fall, leading Democratic leaders to ponder...
In an acknowledgement that President Biden has appeared too old for the job as president and that a livelier candidate is needed to keep the White House, the Democratic National Committee announced that 97-year-old former president Jimmy Carter will be the party’s nominee in 2024. The decision came as Biden’s approval rating continues to fall, leading Democratic leaders to ponder...
KABUL, AFGHANISTAN – Supply chain issues, which have been taking a toll in countries around the world due to economic woes, worker shortages, and shipping delays, have now hit the wife market in Afghanistan. The shortage is getting so bad, that some Taliban men are even settling for grown, adult women. It’s especially difficult for those men who only have...
ISRAEL — In turns out that, of all things, porn has helped Israelis and Palestinians find common ground for peace and coexistence. Yona Cohen, a 16-year old from Jerusalem told us, “I was at one of those ‘co-existence’ camps this past summer and I was bored out my mind. I figured I’d just pass the time by watching a little porn...
Some of the most ardent fighters of what’s left of Islamic State recently faced disappointment after realizing that ‘The Squad’ was not at all what they thought it was. They have since withdrawn their request to join. “For a moment, we thought that this so-called ‘Squad’ was pretty cool”, one disappointed IS member noted, while sitting somberly on the last remaining...
The international community issued firm condemnation of Israel’s recent actions earlier today. An emergency meeting of the United Nations Security Council was convened in order to issue a number of resolutions against the Jewish State. Member states accused Israel of being “inhumane,” and acting with “utter disregard for human life and wellbeing.” Israel has responded to these claims by saying...
A groundbreaking new study about social media has concluded that as long as you begin your posts with “I’m not anti-Semitic or anything but…”, you are free to post whatever you want about Jews or Israel. One of the lead researchers involved in the study, Dr. Shlomi Goldstein, explained that the study originally started a few years back as an...
Former ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi is reportedly distraught after learning that Turkish leader Recep Tayyip Erdogan, rumored to be either dead or on death’s doorstep, is in fact alive and unlikely to join the jihadist in Hell for years to come. Baghdadi admitted to feeling lonely and unable to make friends in the underworld and said he had been...
With Republican businessman Glenn Youngkin’s victory in the state’s gubernatorial election Tuesday night, Virginia schools have been ordered to begin teaching students “Critical Trump Theory,” a controversial doctrine that views all events through the lens of how unfair they are to former President Donald Trump. Minutes after he was declared the winner, Youngkin ordered school boards across the state to...
When North Korean Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un returned to the public eye last month a slimmer version of himself, the accolades came pouring in. But while fans across Twitter were celebrating his slimmer body, I found myself feeling betrayed. When we think of a strong, powerful, decisive leader, one who will not hesitate to sentence not only his political opponents...
With a Texas school district under fire for telling teachers to offer an “opposing view” to books about the Holocaust, a former British opposition leader has stepped in to save the day. Jeremy Corbyn, who led the UK’s Labour Party from 2015 to 2020, said that he has flown out to Texas and begun work on a series of books...
In another move aimed at supporting the anti-Israel BDS movement, Irish author Sally Rooney announced that she will double the price of her new novel to prevent Jews, notoriously stingy, from buying the book. Determined to ensure her book is not read by any Israelis or Zionists, Rooney already refused to allow her book to be translated into Hebrew. But...
Left-wing protestors who angrily followed Arizona Senator Kyrsten Sinema into a restroom over her opposition to a $3.5 trillion spending bill have an unexpected ally: former President Donald Trump. “Of course it’s fine to follow women in the bathroom against their will,” Trump told The Mideast Beast. “How else are you supposed to grab them by the pussy?” Trump also...
Motivated by California Republicans’ failed effort to recall Democratic Governor Gavin Newsom, Afghans opposed to Taliban rule have launched their own recall petition to throw the Islamist group out of office. The petition already has more than 30 million signatures, including every woman in the country. While Taliban rule has been met with opposition since the militant group took over...
“The Israel-Palestinian conflict really has no simple solution. Like, the West Bank kinda belongs to both Jews and Muslims,” Stacey Roberts of Burlington, Minnesota tells her Syrian hairstylist. And Stacey knows all about the Middle East – she just got back from Dubai. In July, Stacey and her BFF, Stacy, decided to visit Dubai after seeing it on “Keeping Up...
Israeli Prime Minister Naftali Bennett announced yesterday that Israel will reform Covid-19 social distancing orders to allow Muslims to gather in crowded places and pray together. “This reform is the first of its kind in the world” Bennett said in a video posted to his Facebook Page. “This move shows once and for all how Israel is a democracy that...
The Israel Prison Service is facing tough questions over its decision to hire the guards tasked with monitoring Jeffrey Epstein to protect six Palestinian prisoners. The guards, Tova Noel and Michael Thomas, had been assigned to protect Epstein when the financier and convicted sex offender was found dead in his cell in August 2019. Speaking on the condition of anonymity,...
Taliban leader Abdul Ghani Baradar has received both praise and accusations of hypocrisy after photos emerged of the militant wearing a “Death to the West” tuxedo while appearing at the star-studded Met Gala in New York City. Baradar, who flew in for the event on a UH-60 Black Hawk helicopter, used the $35,000-per-ticket celebration to rail against America’s materialistic capitalism....
