Politics

Biden and Putin Agree to “Make World Peaceful like the Mideast”
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Biden and Putin Agree to “Make World Peaceful like the Mideast”

During the recent US-Russian summit in Geneva, US President Joe Biden and Russian President Vladimir Putin vowed to “make the world as peaceful as the Middle East.” Biden spoke to The Mideast Beast about his meeting with the Russian leader in Switzerland. “Folks, I had a constructive face-to-poker-face meeting with Russian Tzar Vladimir Stalin in Sweden. We agreed to make...

Linda Sarsour to Convert to Judaism After Learning Women and Arabs Serve in Parliament, Supreme Court, and Just About Everywhere Else in Israel
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Linda Sarsour to Convert to Judaism After Learning Women and Arabs Serve in Parliament, Supreme Court, and Just About Everywhere Else in Israel

Known for her advocacy on women’s rights, Linda Sarsour has become a major leader in the world of feminism, and not loving Jews as much as their mothers do. However, earlier this week, Ms. Sarsour announced her plan to convert to Judaism. Sarsour told The Mideast Beast that she started thinking about her decision during the recent transition to the...

‘Why Do Only Loser Congresspeople Like Us?’ Hamas Asks
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‘Why Do Only Loser Congresspeople Like Us?’ Hamas Asks

With Rep. Ilhan Omar comparing the Islamist terror group to America and Congresswomen Rashida Tlaib and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez also strongly siding against Israel during the recent conflict, Hamas leaders are reportedly confused as to why only losers seem to like them. “I mean, it’s kind of amazing that anyone in America supports us, given how insane our charter is and...

Progressives Demand Israel Replace Iron Dome with Social Workers
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Progressives Demand Israel Replace Iron Dome with Social Workers

While Israel’s Iron Dome shot down thousands of rockets headed for Israeli cities last month during Operation Guardian of the Walls, Democrats in Congress are proposing a less violent way for the Jewish state to stop the rocket fire from Gaza. Legislation proposed by a group of far-Left Democrats would end US funding for Iron Dome and replace it with...

Israel and Palestine Accused of Misgendering One Another
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Israel and Palestine Accused of Misgendering One Another

The Israeli-Palestinian conflict has escalated to new heights with each side accusing the other of misgendering. In a statement released by the Office of the Prime Minister, at least for a few more days, Netanyahu explained, “We used to be called Palestine, but on the inside, we’ve always been Israel. And so, in 1948 we transitioned. Israel is our gender, which...

Bibi: We’ll Never Concede, We’ll Storm the Capitol’s Temple Mount
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Bibi: We’ll Never Concede, We’ll Storm the Capitol’s Temple Mount

Facing the end of his political career, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin “Bibi” Netanyahu told his supporters “We will never give up, we will never concede. We will break through the Temple Mount and storm Israel’s capitol, Jerusalem.” Netanyahu reluctantly agreed to speak to The Mideast Beast after he was convinced that the reputable satirical site is somehow loosely affiliated with...

Israel Found Guilty
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Israel Found Guilty

The international community issued firm condemnation of Israel’s recent actions earlier today. An emergency meeting of the United Nations Security Council was convened in order to issue a number of resolutions against the Jewish State. Member states accused Israel of being “inhumane,” and acting with “utter disregard for human life and wellbeing.” Israel has responded to these claims by saying...

Hamas Joins Netanyahu’s Ceasefire Unity Government
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Hamas Joins Netanyahu’s Ceasefire Unity Government

Hamas has surprisingly decided to join Netanyahu’s ceasefire unity government after eleven days of tense disagreements and heated debates involving some 4,000 rockets and intense Gaza bombings. In exchange for complete freedom from adult intervention in their militant Gaza playroom, Hamas has agreed to back Netanyahu politically until 2030. Prime Minister Netanyahu’s office released an official statement: “Sometimes you need...

Cuomo Receives $5 Million Advance for Book on Dating Younger Coworkers
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Cuomo Receives $5 Million Advance for Book on Dating Younger Coworkers

New York Governor Andrew Cuomo has inked yet another major book deal, this one for an upcoming title called ‘Lessons in Courtship: How to Find Love in the Intern Lounge at the Governor’s Mansion.’ The book will recount Cuomo’s great success in charming his staffers and winning their romantic affections without creating a hostile workplace. “For those looking to run...

Hamas Admits They Never Understood What “Ceasefire” Actually Means
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Hamas Admits They Never Understood What “Ceasefire” Actually Means

In the wake of Israel-Hamas ceasefire talks, Hamas has admitted that they never really understood the definition of ‘ceasefire’. “We always thought that it meant ‘say you’ll stop but carry on launching rockets as usual'”, one spokesman for the Gaza-based Islamist group admitted. “You see, we weren’t really paying attention in the first negotiation meeting years ago and we’ve been...

After Removing Hamas from Terror List, EU Decides to Stop Calling Projectiles from Gaza ‘Rockets’
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After Removing Hamas from Terror List, EU Decides to Stop Calling Projectiles from Gaza ‘Rockets’

Following its decision to remove the Islamist militant group Hamas from its list of terrorist organizations, a top court of the European Union will now meet to decide what to call the aerial projectiles launched from the Gaza Strip at Israeli cities. While Sweden has proposed calling the projectiles, previously known as missiles or rockets, ‘aeronautic modern art,’ Spain has suggested they...

Stacey Abrams Declares Self Israeli Prime Minister
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Stacey Abrams Declares Self Israeli Prime Minister

With Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu failing to form his right-wing government, former Georgia state legislator Stacey Abrams has declared herself the new premiere and has started to form her cabinet. Abrams, who was not on any ballot and has never been to Israel, insisted that she would have been unanimously elected if not for blatant voter suppression. “These Israelis...

US Supreme Court to Decide Where Jerusalem Is
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US Supreme Court to Decide Where Jerusalem Is

JERUSALEM — Officials in Jerusalem say the city is in the midst of an existential crisis. Not because of former US President Trump’s decision to move the US embassy, or the recent violent clashes in the Old City over the weekend, or the crazy foreigners who dress like Jesus and roam the streets. Rather, they found out that it will...

Trump Says There Were ‘Good People on Both Sides’ of Armenian Genocide
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Trump Says There Were ‘Good People on Both Sides’ of Armenian Genocide

Following President Biden’s recognition and condemnation of the 100-year-old genocide, former US President Donald Trump took to the internet to insist that there were “good people on both sides” of the Armenian genocide. “Listen, there were some very good Ottomans and there were some very bad Ottomans, believe me,” Trump wrote on his new website. “Not all the Ottomans who...