Zionist Conspiracy Behind ‘Historic’ Iranian Nuclear Deal

What a handshake-staredown, by U.S. Department of State [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

It’s now been revealed that the recently brokered ‘historic’ deal, somewhat limiting Iran’s nuclear capability, was in fact a machination brought about by an international Zionist conspiracy.

Chief Zionist, Jewdah Cohen-Bergstein, congratulated those who had guessed as much in an interview with The Mideast Beast: ‘We had such fun choosing the location of the conference. Who remains the Zionist poster boy with that sexy beard? Theodor Herzl. Where did the conference take place? Vienna’s Herzl Square!

‘And somehow no one picked up on that, so we dropped a few other hints. You know how many times the Zionists have been blamed for the Iranian nuclear program? We’ve actually lost count…but hey, there’s truth in that!’

Asked why the Zionists would wish to secure the destruction of the Jewish State – a state they admit to forcing into creation – Cohen-Bergstein continued: ‘Why do you think? The best way to keep funds flowing into Israel is by threatening to destroy it! Pff, that’s ‘Conspiracy 101’.

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‘The American Jewish lobby is part of our crew. But they’re complete chicken shit, and need the Israelis to be the cannon fodder. Do you see ISIS on Israel’s border? If that were America, every infidel in sight would’ve already been beheaded or sold into slavery.’

‘Anyhow, the plan was to keep money flowing from rich Americans, so Israel can do the dirty work. Truth be told, it’s a pretty tried and tested tactic. Threaten Israel’s existence and shit gets done. That’s the motto on every wall at Conspiracy HQ.

‘Except that now, we’re running out of new and exciting ways to threaten Israel’s existence. The threat of a ‘nuclear Iran’ was a godsend!’

Incidentally, apart from muttering ‘SMDH’, God has yet to fully comment.