Jewish Mothers Protest Pegasus for Replacing Them as Global Surveillance Experts

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Anger continues to build at the Israeli NSO Group over reports that its Pegasus spyware is being used to spy on dozens of journalists, activists and executives across the world, as millions of Jewish mothers have begun protesting the group.

The mothers are concerned not over privacy issues but that the spyware technology will replace them as the world’s most effective snoops.

“Oh, everyone is supposed to be so impressed just because this Pegasus fellow read a few e-mails on a cellular phone,” said Sharon Goldstein, a Brooklyn resident. “I guess there’s no need for me anymore since this Pegasus can do everything. Did Mr. Pegasus know that my ‘Jewish’ daughter-in-law, Maria, had never heard of Brisket before meeting my perfect son? Or that the Schechters, on Maple Drive, claim to keep kosher but served the Cohens hamburgers on brioche buns, which are made with dairy?”

Other Jewish women disputed claims that the advanced technology could match their effectiveness.

“Sure, these NSO fellows can read a few papermen’s emails in Mexico, but could they tell you whose wife caught a venereal disease on a business trip in Cleveland last February?” a 78-year-old Fort Lauderdale grandmother said, speaking on the condition of anonymity. “Well I can. It’s Hannah, the one who always wears those ridiculous shirts with her belly button sticking out.”

“And don’t even get me started on what she wears to temple during the High Holidays,” the woman noted. “I already know which fabulous hat she’s going to flaunt in September. Can Pegasus people predict that? Nope! Why? Because we’re the ones who see and know everything. Not even Jewish technology is as cunning and relentless as Jewish mothers! Don’t believe us? Just ask our daughters-in-law.”

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