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Hamas Launches Zoom Classes for Exercising Hate at Home

Following in the footsteps of boutique gyms like Barry’s Bootcamp and SoulCycle who are charging upwards of $30 for daily at-home workouts, Hamas has created its own series of Zoom classes for followers who want to exercise hate from the comfort of their living rooms.

Although nothing can truly compare to the in-person experience of building fire-and-forget rockets with your pals, Hamas has promised the same quality of adrenaline rush through their curated Zoom classes which include all of the classics of a Hamas meeting, such as yelling “death to Israel,” spreading conspiracy theories, followed by a nice cooldown stretch.

“We’re living in such unprecedented times, and we want to make sure our followers know we’re with them, and we support them,” said chief content curator Mohammad bin Stagram. “We’re working tirelessly to maintain the same level of quality hatred that we’re known for, and we hope to retain our powerful following, especially our friends, throughout this crazy journey called life by offering at-home content for all true believers to consume.”

Although many people have pointed out that Gazans have limited access to social media, let alone wi-fi, Hamas says not to fear. That a large portion of meetings is blaming Israel for not having electricity and that is something one can easily achieve in their own home.

“We’re stoked to bring extremism into the home” added bin Stagram. “And if people don’t have the time to complete a full class, they can always scroll through the content of any American university’s SJP page to receive an even more extreme experience.”

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