Seeking to prove once and for all that there’s room in the region for more than one high-tech powerhouse, the Palestinian Authority today unveiled the “RiotFind” app now available in all app stores. President Abbas explained, “no more will hooligans have to wander aimlessly schlepping heavy rocks, hoping to find like-minded fellows, inclined to smack a Zionist upside his head. Now they can find the violence in real-time!”
Analyst Michael Bytchip praised the concept. “Ride sharing began in San Francisco. Reservation apps in New York. What do Palestinians have? Riots. Mass violence. It’s like party location software, but serving Molotov Cocktails. With this, the PA might even be able to go public.” Mr. Bytchip was particularly impressed by secondary market potential. “Journalists are lazy. RiotFind lets them check the app just before deadline and Walla! Helpless Arab youths trying to brain vicious Israeli soldiers. What a time saver.” Future functionality may include rating riots by violence level, weapons used, and a function to categorize rioters as ‘good looking’, ‘sympathetic’, or ‘pathetic’ enough for a lead photo.
Prime Minister Netanyahu objected that RiotFind only works in the West Bank and Jerusalem. “What are people on our religious right expected to do when they want to oppose some chick getting a job or wearing her real hair? And what about our asshat violent settlers who spray paint “price tag” on cars or set fire to mosques? Come on, I know many companies are anti-Semitic, but they should have at least demanded that as an in-app purchase.”