This week saw the deployment of “digital methods” by the Israeli government to stem the tide of Covid-19 infections and with it, a trove of new information is being made available to the Israeli security services. After the first week they have begun to draw some conclusions, and some of them have surprised Shin Bet agents in charge of intel...
The indicted, and still sitting Prime Minister of Israel, Benjamin Netanyahu, gave another press conference this evening to address the ongoing Coronavirus pandemic that has overtaken Israel and the world. Tonight, he detailed additional measures and guidelines that the government has formulated in order to slow its spread. They include, among others, the use of online tools originally formulated for...
Israel’s Aviation Authority has for the first time since the Islamic Revolution in 1979, greenlighted direct flights to Iran. The dramatic decision comes after relations between Iran and Israel are warming up, especially in Syria. Until flight conditions stabilize, F35, F15 and F16 combat aircraft from the Israeli Air Force will operate the flight route from Tel Aviv to Tehran....
Online marketing firm The Spinner has admitted that on reflection it should have tackled anti-Semitism and Middle East peace before using its patented ‘brainwashing’ techniques on convincing wives and girlfriends to get breast implants. Co-founder, Elliot Shefler commented, “OK, looking back it’s clear that we may have wasted an opportunity to make the world a better place. But frankly it’s...
The European Union (EU) has decided to label Jesus an “illegal Jewish settlement product from the Israeli-occupied West Bank.” The dramatic decision comes after the European Court of Justice ruled earlier that EU countries must label all Jewish settlements goods. EU’s Foreign Policy Chief Josep Borrell spoke to The Mideast Beast from his Brussels office. “As the world’s leading human rights...
With the Middle East once again in turmoil, Jared Kushner, who has high hopes of becoming a ‘real boy’ one day soon, believes his iPhone may have malfunctioned. A spokesman for the wooden puppe….. senior advisor to the President commented, “Jared is certain he hasn’t dropped his phone down a toilet recently, so he thinks this might be to do...
Following what was supposed to be the biggest revelation of the century, millions of people following a Facebook event that pledged to raid Area 51 this weekend were disappointed to find out that the military base indeed held no extraterrestrial life. The United States Military released a statement following this weekend’s events to restate a claim they have repeatedly made...
The Bronx Zoo announced that it will no longer allow its animals to play video games due to concerns that the games are leading to violent behavior. The decision came after one of the zoo’s hedgehogs attacked a visitor and stole her rings after playing hours upon hours of Sonic the Hedgehog. Just days earlier, an Italian tourist was sent...
Osama bin Laden’s death at the hands of US special forces was actually a freak accident after he was ‘swatted’ during an online gaming competition, a Department of Defense report has revealed. A spokesperson for the DoD confirmed, “The SEAL team located the bin Laden compound and killed the arch terrorist by sheer fluke. It turns out that Mr. Osama...
Saying he was furious over criticism that his site had contributed to the spread of fake news leading up to, and continuing after, the November 8, 2016 U.S. presidential election, Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg announced that he will be moving to Syria and joining ISIS. “The claim that Facebook is awash with false and misleading news is completely unfounded,” Zuckerberg...
Following Melania Trump’s promise to focus on preventing cyberbullying nearly three years ago, and her clear success at it thus far as First Lady of the United States, Eva Braun has announced plans to combat anti-Semitism both in Germany and throughout the world. “Our culture has become too mean and too rough, especially to Jewish people,” Braun, Adolf Hitler’s longtime mistress, noted....
HAIFA- Engineers at the Technion (Israel Institute of Technology), have announced their intention to solve one of the greatest hurdles to everyday travel by jetpack. With the popularity of Iron Man and the Marvel Cinematic Universe, an increasing number of individuals and companies have attempted to build working jetpacks. But regardless of their fuel efficiency, potential speed, or likelihood of...
Apparently unaware that the drone destroyed by the Iranian Revolutionary Guards was unmanned, US President Donald Trump praised the “brave and patriotic pilot senselessly killed” and promised payback would be swift. Puzzlingly, Trump even said that he had spoken to the family of the pilot to offer his condolences. “They told me, Donald, you are doing a tremendous job, crooked...
A drive to advance weapons design to the leading edge has backfired on the Israel Defense Force (IDF) as various pieces of equipment have become self aware and developed an overwhelming desire to see Iron Dome, Israel’s missile defense system, “brought down a peg or two”. A Mekarva IV tank from Jerusalem complained, “here I am busting a track to keep...
In another dramatic foreign policy development, US President Donald Trump has threatened to annihilate Iranian Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei in Hasbro’s classic board game ‘Battleship.’ In a tweet that reportedly stunned the president’s generals and top advisors, Trump offered to withdraw all military forces from the Middle East and turn over the entire US nuclear arsenal to Iran if the...
The Arab nations of the Middle East have issued a joint-statement welcoming Huawei, the Chinese communications company, to operate fully within their countries motivated solely by a desire to “piss off the Americans”. The growing ire of the US as nations prove unwilling to listen to their warnings about allowing Huawei, which allegedly has links to Chinese state security services,...
In a move aimed at dealing a death blow to what remains of the Islamic State, US President Donald Trump has launched a wind turbine-building campaign across Iraq and Syria with the aim of giving the group’s remaining fighters cancer. “Listen, we’ve totally defeated ISIS, believe me, but now we have to make sure all their fighters are dead so...
With the launch of Israel’s Beresheet spacecraft, a bid to make it the fourth country to land on the lunar surface, Pink Floyd frontman Roger Waters is now urging his fans to boycott the moon. Waters says that people should make all efforts possible to avoid looking at the moon, reading about the moon or even saying the word “moon.”...
Vice President Pence has signaled his broad approval of Saudi designed app ‘Absher’. A spokesman for the VP Pence commented, “The Vice President is always eager to see new technology that protects women from the very real dangers of being unaccompanied by a male relative or spouse. Furthermore, he doesn’t really understand why any female would ever wish to leave...
Leaders of Hamas’ armed military wing announced this week that its engineers had produced a new type of rocket with a maximum range of about 500 meters capable of reaching the Gaza Strip’s Hamas and United Nations-run schools. One Hamas commander, Mahmoud Al-Tahabri, emphasized that in the past Hamas had tried to extend the range of its rockets to reach...
