Archives

NSA Discreetly Begins Lifelong Surveillance of 14- Year Old Ahmed Mohamed
,

NSA Discreetly Begins Lifelong Surveillance of 14- Year Old Ahmed Mohamed

Calling him a hero, a role model and a victim of baseless discrimination, the National Security Agency nonetheless quietly agreed to enact around-the-clock surveillance on 14-year-old Ahmed Mohamed, who was arrested after a clock he brought into his high school in Irving, Texas was mistaken for a bomb. “Ahmed is a role model, and it’s tragic and disturbing that the...

Christians in Iraq and Syria Celebrate Kim Davis’ Release
,

Christians in Iraq and Syria Celebrate Kim Davis’ Release

Calling it a huge victory for religious freedom across the globe, Christians in Iraq, Syria and several other Middle Eastern countries took to the streets last week to celebrate Kentucky county clerk Kim Davis’ release from prison. “It’s been hard to enjoy our freedom here knowing that in America Mrs. Davis is behind bars just for being a Christian,” said...

After Shooting of Mexican Tourists, Trump Plans to Hire Egyptian Army to Guard Border
,

After Shooting of Mexican Tourists, Trump Plans to Hire Egyptian Army to Guard Border

After Egyptian security forces mistakenly killed eight Mexican tourists Saturday, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump proposed tasking the Egyptian Army with protecting the United States’ southern border. “Clearly, the Egyptians know how to deal with the Mexicans,” Trump declared. “And these Mexicans that the Egyptians killed, they were law-abiding citizens. So just imagine what they’d do to the illegals!” Trump said...

Saudi Survey Questions Women’s Rights to Drive
,

Saudi Survey Questions Women’s Rights to Drive

Focus groups were conducted in Saudi Arabia to explore the social, political and economic ramifications of allowing women to drive in the kingdom. The conservative monarchy, not known for its support of women’s rights, did not allow women to be part of the research sessions and is reluctant to make known any of its findings. The Mideast Beast however, was...

Jews, Arabs Stage Pro-Peace “Flash Orgy” on Temple Mount
,

Jews, Arabs Stage Pro-Peace “Flash Orgy” on Temple Mount

JERUSALEM – A lewd mass protest on one of the world’s holiest sites ended in violence on Friday, with dozens hospitalized and hundreds arrested. Disguised as both tourists and Muslim worshippers, over 300 Israelis and Palestinians of various ages, genders and sexualities converged on the Temple Mount in Jerusalem’s Old City at midday to stage what media outlets have dubbed...

Doctors: Iranian Leader Will Not Exist in the Next 25 Years
,

Doctors: Iranian Leader Will Not Exist in the Next 25 Years

In response to the Iranian leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei’s most recent Twitter tirade – basically an ongoing dialog with himself that Israel won’t survive the next twenty-five years, doctors at Israel’s Mt. Masada Hospital have determined the Supreme Leader, who is 76 years old, won’t live to be 101. “Those next twenty-five years he speaks of aren‘t going to be kind...

Campaign for More Female Terrorists Begins
, ,

Campaign for More Female Terrorists Begins

Western, leftist part time ‘human rights activists,’ full time idiots have today announced a new campaign for better equality in terrorist attacks against Israel and other democracies. In a surprising turn of events, university campuses across the Western world have begun condemning ISIS and Hamas for the first time. Motions have been put forward in the vibrant democracies that are...

Iran Considers Using Refugee Human Walls at Nuke Sites
,

Iran Considers Using Refugee Human Walls at Nuke Sites

Impressed with Donald Trump’s views on building walls and separating people, Iran’s Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khomeini is considering uniting people as walls. The plan calls for building a barricade around the Parchin nuke site and other nuclear facilities, consisting solely of Syrian refugees to deter Israeli air strikes and possible US military action. Moderate front man, Iranian President Hassan Rouhani,...

God Covers Shameful State of Mideast Affairs With Giant Dust Storm
,

God Covers Shameful State of Mideast Affairs With Giant Dust Storm

With the number of casualties and refugees created by the Syrian civil war continuing to grow, Israeli-Palestinian tensions beginning to boil over, and the spread of ISIS through the region, it’s no wonder that God just couldn’t stand to look at the Middle East anymore. It was as a result of all this violence and strife that the Creator decided...

Israel’s International Football Disgrace
,

Israel’s International Football Disgrace

WALES UK — Israel has shocked and outraged the world once more this week with its appalling international conduct. Competing in the Euro 2016 qualifiers against Wales, Israel’s strikers infuriated the crowd with how little interest they showed in actually trying to score a goal, instead lining up with the rest of the team in a solid wall in front...

Report: ‘Megalomaniac’ Obama to Run for Kenyan Presidency
,

Report: ‘Megalomaniac’ Obama to Run for Kenyan Presidency

With just over a year left of his second term, U.S. President Barack Obama is planning to contest the next Kenyan presidential election, according to a controversial FOX News report. Citing what it claims are well-placed White House sources and leaked extracts of his draft presidential memoir, the 12-minute “Exposed: Obama’s Blackprint for World Domination” levels multiple allegations against the...

UN Report on Gaza War Triggers Existential Crisis for IDF and Hamas
,

UN Report on Gaza War Triggers Existential Crisis for IDF and Hamas

A long awaited report from the UN on the 2014 Israel-Gaza War has triggered a mutual meltdown in the IDF and Hamas. The Head of Public Affairs, IDF Brigadier General David Goldstein commented, “I was just putting the finishing touches to a well written and convincing description of the fog of war, decision loops, and how that led to the...

Archaeologists Discover “Missing Link” Between Israelis, Palestinians
,

Archaeologists Discover “Missing Link” Between Israelis, Palestinians

Earlier today researchers from Hebrew University in Jerusalem announced that they had uncovered a skeleton that changes how we view human evolution. While digging in the deserts of Southern Israel, the team of archaeologists and anthropologists uncovered what they’ve come to call the “missing link” – the common ancestor of Israelis and Palestinians. “When we uncovered the skeleton, we knew...

Israel: We Never Had a Nuclear Program But It Was Too Awkward To Admit It
,

Israel: We Never Had a Nuclear Program But It Was Too Awkward To Admit It

Dimona, southern Israel — In a shocking news conference broadcast around the globe, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu admitted that his country has been bluffing over the last 60 years about having a nuclear program. “You know how you tell a girl some impressive bullshit on a first date and then suddenly it’s too late to admit you lied? That’s...

After Foreign Policy Stumbles, Trump Hires Herman Cain as Advisor
,

After Foreign Policy Stumbles, Trump Hires Herman Cain as Advisor

After a series of foreign policy stumbles including an interview in which he mixed up the Kurds and Iran’s Al Quds Force, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump announced the addition of former Godfather’s Pizza CEO and 2012 presidential candidate Herman Cain to his foreign policy team. “Listen, I already know more about the world than any of those other losers,...

Professionals in Egypt Arrested and Sentenced for Doing their Job

Professionals in Egypt Arrested and Sentenced for Doing their Job

Following the shock sentencing of three al-Jazeera journalists the Egyptian government said that it would continue its policy of imprisoning people for doing their jobs. Accountants, lawyers and tradesman are also beginning to be rounded up for “spreading false finances, law and products.” The government insisted that this is being done to defend the people from the ‘sinister tendrils’ of the...

Following Iran Deal, Israel to Adopt Farsi as National Language
,

Following Iran Deal, Israel to Adopt Farsi as National Language

In an about-face by Israeli policy makers following their antagonism towards the deal between the United States and Iran, Farsi will now replace Hebrew and Arabic as the official Israeli national language. English will remain an unofficial language, though. In a statement to the press, an Israeli government spokesperson said, “we’ve decided to embrace the Iran deal, rather than fight...