The Mideast Beast, a satirical news source, has confirmed that they will begin to focus on reporting real news. This comes at a time when real news, fake news, and satire are becoming less and less distinguishable. There have always been some that think satire is real and real news is fake, but recently the number of people unable to...
Though they have been in operation for several years, many in the Western world have only recently learned of the large-scale concentration camps in China, in which millions of Uyghur Muslims are currently detained. There have been accusations of forced labor and even executions. President Trump, upon learning of the camps this week, hopped on Twitter to condemn China…but not...
In an unorthodox, yet predictable move, the Italian government announced that the country will now be fighting with the Coronavirus as opposed to fighting against it. While the move goes against WHO regulations it was not perceived as outrageous given the country’s history of changing sides whenever they are losing in battle. “We tried everything,” said an Italian health official....
After weeks of replacing the 2020 Olympic gymnastics with the mental gymnastics of calling Israelis ‘genocidal’ while ignoring a very real genocide of Muslims in China, the Arab League released a statement in favor of their current relationship with China, stating: “Contrary to popular belief there is no ‘We’ in Uighur.” In their much-anticipated statement, the Arab League made it...
Stemming from weeks of Black Lives Matter protests, the UK and the European Union announced that racism has no home within their borders, which is why they leave asylum seekers to die right outside of them. As opposed to the United States, Europe has always had a stellar record of keeping racism out, mainly by only enslaving people in colonies...
After weeks of unrest across US cities led to the destruction of property, Barack Obama spoke out addressing the protestors. While agreeing with the purpose behind the protests, Obama condemned the destruction of property in major cities as un-American and urged rioters to shift their energy to a more patriotic line of destruction. “Much like every American, I believe in...
Central London saw violence this week as members of neo-Nazi groups such as Britain First accidentally gathered to defend Britain’s most famous non-Nazi, Winston Churchill. Despite the angry bald men claiming to be defending Churchill’s legacy, they clearly misunderstood what that legacy entailed exactly, as they threw up Nazi salutes while facing down the police. “I get that people are...
The rapper and movie star Ice Cube cultivated notoriety this week after sharing a series of anti-Semitic memes on twitter, not to mention a scathing and detailed report on his “long, disturbing history of anti-Semitism. Although these sorts of actions usually result in a Twitter ban, or even job loss, mere seconds after tweeting the images Ice Cube received a...
Democratic leaders and activists around the world have been quick to condemn President Trump’s advocation of extreme force to quell domestic protests regarding the murder of George Floyd at the hands of Minneapolis policemen. Not everyone agrees that Trump is in the wrong, with some world leaders even praising his decisive authoritarianism. Two rock stars of the dictatorial world even...
On Tuesday, Iran launched two more test missiles capable of delivering a nuclear payload. During a time when most of the world’s attention is focused on the COVID-19 pandemic, many have ignored Iran’s rapidly escalating rhetoric. Israel called upon the UN to condemn the missile tests, which they did because they failed to properly disinfect the missiles before launching them. ...
The World Health Organization (WHO) has praised North Korea after its supreme leader Kim Jong-un promised that he will “starve COVID-19 to death.” The announcement from the North Korean leader comes at a time when the slightly isolated country has stepped up its fight against the corona pandemic. Kim Jong-un offered an exclusive Zoom interview with The Mideast Beast (TMB),...
“The fact is,” the Israeli PM told world leaders at the United Nations, “a Jewish Temple used to stand right where the Al Aqsa mosque plaza now sits. Even Muslim archaeologists have reported its existence.” The temple he was talking about was Second Temple, built by King Herod, which stood for almost 600 years. And while the Romans destroyed the...
Are you a reporter who finds reporting the news on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict incredibly tedious and unvaried? Does it seem like every news story you write sounds the same, offering little-to-no varied perspective or alternative context? Fortunately for you, our idiot brilliant writers at The Mideast Beast have created a template so you can take your reporting to even lazier...
Following Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s speech to the United Nations revealing the discovery of a ‘secret atomic warehouse’ in Tehran, the Iranian authorities have claimed that the facility was just a very large Persian rug factory. “You know, you need lots of security to protect rugs. Armed guards, barbed wire, electronic sensors and so on. You’ve all seen Aladdin....
Teachers in the Gaza Strip’s UNWRA schools have noted that numerous rockets and missiles, usually located on school property, have gone missing, and have therefore acted by reporting them for unauthorised absences. Sources claim that many of these rockets’ absences can be put down to unauthorised trips outside of Gaza in which they made excursions into southern Israeli towns without...
While nobody knows what the hell is going to happen at the upcoming summit between President Donald Trump and North Korea’s Kim Jong-Un, the United Nations has already blamed Israel for the breakdown of the talks which are yet to occur. The latest UN General Assembly Resolution has declared that “the blame for the fallout at the summit yet to...
In a vote for an inquiry regarding the recent clashes at Israel’s border with Hamas-controlled Gaza, Australia voted against the resolution on the basis that “The UNHRC resolution pre-judged the outcome of an inquiry”. Britain abstained from the vote on the basis that it could not support an investigation that ignored Hamas’s role, and any media coverage of the conflict might interfere with...
GENEVA – In a surprise announcement today, editors of the largest satirical news websites have declared that they are forming a new international organization with the central mission of “maintenance of international peace and security”. Following the UN decision to make Syria the head of their chemical weapons watchdog, just days after Assad’s alleged chemical attack in Ghouta, the conglomerate...
UN Secretary-General Antonio Guterres, announced that the United Nations will assert its authority over the Middle East by declaring the region a “gun-free zone.” The announcement, effective immediately, intends to address the threat posed by armed groups, militias, rogue governments, terror cells, criminal networks, Israeli settlers, Israeli Merkava 3’s, Israeli Merkava 4’s, Israeli F-15’s, Israeli F-16’s, Mossad hybrid attack dolphins,...
In what many will view as a surprising move, the United Nations has voted to relocate its headquarters to Israel. According to recent U.S. polls, Americans feel that the UN has overstayed its Manhattan visit. One Alabama resident told The Mideast Beast, “Dang, they’ve been here since 1952. 51 years is long enough! Wait, what’s 2017 minus 1952?” After 65 years in the...
