War

Calling it a “disgusting act of Islamophobia,” former Al Qaeda jihadist Mohammad al-Baktar, who now refers to himself as Martin Brown, was rejected from participating in any of his local malls’ Veterans Day sales. “I cannot believe that this is happening in 2019,” Mr. Brown said during an interview with one reporter from The Mideast Beast. “Back in Afghanistan I...

Insisting that someone must do something about gang violence that now threatens US citizens, President Donald Trump has called on his Turkish counterpart, Recep Tayyip Erdogan, to send troops into Mexico. “These murderous gangs have been wreaking havoc on innocent families in Mexico and now America, and the only way to stop them is to confront them with overwhelming force,”...

Insisting that there is no problem on Earth that can’t be solved by the right tax, Senator and Democratic presidential candidate Elizabeth Warren has proposed a “jihad tax” to wipe radical Islamic groups like ISIS and al Qaeda off the map. Her detailed proposal would create a system for taxing everything from suicide bombings and beheadings to hijackings and pipeline...

Following this weekend’s barrage of rocket fire from the Gaza Strip, a Hamas spokesperson has stated they were simply celebratory fireworks. “I would like to clarify a misunderstood situation,” the spokesperson wrote on his Facebook timeline. “The Palestinian people were simply overjoyed about the past few months of calm. Some of our citizens were so happy that they had decided...

In what is being called the greatest American betrayal since Benedict Arnold, the Belgian Malinois who helped track down Islamic State leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, has defected to ISIS after the terror group promised her unlimited belly rubs. The dog, named Conan, had become a hero in the US for her role in the killing of Baghdadi, even being mentioned...

Radical Islamic terrorists from across the Middle East are calling it quits following the death of ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, with all agreeing that the time has come to abandon jihad and accept Western values. “Listen, we had a really good run blowing stuff up and beheading Americans while we recreated the world of Muhammad and the rightly guided...

With the terror group’s leader, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, reportedly dead in a US raid, members of the Islamic State are begging US President Donald Trump to stop sending mixed signals. “First, you finally ditch those Kurds that have been killing us for years and let thousands of our prisoners break free,” one ISIS executive told The Mideast Beast. “Then just...

Billing it as the biggest “fuck you” of the century, Kurdish president Nechirvan Barzani announced that all Kurds will take part in a mass suicide parade to be held outside some U.S. Morning Show over the weekend. “In response to Trump abandoning us, all Kurds are advised to kill themselves and their children publicly this Saturday, just to double check...

With his decision to pull troops out of Syria already forcing 250,000 Kurds to flee their homes, US President Donald Trump is now calling himself a “genocide man” and bragging that “ethnic cleansings are good, and easy to win!” “This ethnic cleansing is going to be tremendous for the Kurds, great for America, and really just great for civilization,” Trump...

The Islamic State has made US President Donald Trump the first non-Muslim to earn the title of “Honorary Caliph,” celebrating the American leader for helping to free more than 1,000 ISIS fighters. The distinction came after Trump announced that he would withdraw all forces from northern Syria, abandoning his Kurdish forces which long stood as the greatest threat to ISIS....

Facing increasing criticism over his decision to abandon his Kurdish allies despite their key role in the fight against ISIS, US President Donald Trump now claims his decision stems from the Kurds’ refusal to intervene in the execution of Jesus nearly 2,000 years. Trump first claimed that the Kurds had not fought alongside Americans during the invasion of Normandy, justifying...

Declaring that he was “absolutely tremendous” at betraying his country’s most loyal allies, US President Donald Trump declared in a press conference that he was the most prolific leader in US history at fucking over the Kurds. “Frankly, a lot of presidents were really pathetic when it came to convincing the Kurds to risk their lives on our behalves, and...

After a week of Donald Trump focusing all of his attention on the oil bombings in Saudi Arabia, Tiffany Trump has claimed responsibility for the attacks in the fleeting hope that her dad might finally notice her. Tiffany, known by her close friends as “Not the Worst Trump” and by her father as “Who?”, confessed on Instagram Live to using...

Following the alleged claims that Iran was behind last week’s attack on the oil production facilities in Saudi Arabia, the world’s Zionist Overlords admit that they, in fact, were the ones behind it all. “So we made a couple extra bucks on oil price increases, big whoop,” an Elderly spokesperson wrote in a tweet Monday night. “We never expected it...

Former National Security Advisor, John Bolton, is understood to have joined Hamas early today.  A press release from the organisation stated; “We’ve kept our eye on Mr. Bolton for a long time now and we were excited to hear he had been released from his contract by the Trump administration. We’ve been big fans since his enthusiasm for the Iraq...