Culture

Celebrity Wife Swap: Netanyahu, Assad Spouses to Trade Places

Celebrity Wife Swap: Netanyahu, Assad Spouses to Trade Places

ABC Television announced today that the upcoming season of Celebrity Wife Swap would feature none other than Sarah Netanyahu and Asma al-Assad, two first ladies who will be followed by cameras as they trade homes and families for two weeks. Patricia Lik, Senior VP of Reality at ABC, said, “So what if their husbands accuse each other of war crimes?...

ISIS and Scientology Announce Merger

ISIS and Scientology Announce Merger

Shockwaves from Hollywood to Damascus as the breakout terror group of the 21st Century, ISIS, and the start-up “religion” of the 20th, Scientology, announced merger plans. The new organization, “ISITOLOGY,” has yet to release a logo, announce a headquarters location, or even unveil its organizational chart. Still, the announcement provoked a major multi-industry realignment. Commentator Brea KN Record described the...

Saudi Physicist Discovers Cure for Gravity
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Saudi Physicist Discovers Cure for Gravity

A Saudi Arabian scientist has unlocked the secret to creating zero gravity on earth (allowing us to do cool crap like in the image above). If confirmed, the breakthrough could revolutionize space exploration and slash the energy demands of travel and transportation. Al Arabiya reported, “While the Islamic Golden Age’s most lasting contribution to humanity has been the creation of algebra, that...

Israeli Government Joins BDS Movement for Kim and Kanye’s Visit
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Israeli Government Joins BDS Movement for Kim and Kanye’s Visit

The BDS movement, which urges artists and consumers to boycott Israel and Israeli products, gained an unlikely supporter, as the Israeli government announced it would be urging rapper Kanye West and his wife, reality television star Kim West, to cancel their upcoming trip to the country in protest of its many human rights violations. “The only way to end the...

New Poll: 80% of Palestinian Men are Attracted to Israeli Women

New Poll: 80% of Palestinian Men are Attracted to Israeli Women

Indicating a seismic shift in public opinion from just six months ago, a poll conducted by the Palestinian Center for Policy and Survey Research (PSR) in the West Bank and Gaza Strip revealed that close to 80% of Palestinian men want to have sex with at least one Israeli woman. “This doesn’t bode well for the cause of Palestinian independence,”...

Experts Warn UN: Pulling Out of Yemen Not an Effective Form of Birth Control
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Experts Warn UN: Pulling Out of Yemen Not an Effective Form of Birth Control

Like all teen romances, the UN was totally infatuated by Yemen. The impoverished Arabian nation asked the global organization to assist with all her myriad problems; hunger, violence, feeling generally unloved. “What can I say,” said the UN, describing those early days. “Yemen just seemed so helpless.   I felt like a hero. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t have done for...

Welcome to the Newest and Most Unlikely Alliance
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Welcome to the Newest and Most Unlikely Alliance

In the most exciting development in the history of the sleepy Midwestern state, the citizens of Indiana found themselves boycotted by several organizations for the morally reprehensible law that allows organizations to boycott those in the state they find morally reprehensible. The surprised Indianans discovered themselves in kinship with several other locales suffering from the same fate: the State of...

Iran, US overcome alliance hurdle
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Iran, US overcome alliance hurdle

Flush after the success at the UN, President of Iran Hassan Rouhani has said that he is launching a campaign to change the US’ current official name in Tehran to reflect greater cooperation between the two countries in the fight against Islamic terrorism. “It started when me and the big O went down to the West Village to grab some...

Passover Seder at White House “Not Awkward” At All
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Passover Seder at White House “Not Awkward” At All

The timing couldn’t have been better. Just days after reaching a nuclear deal with Iran – a deal Israel says “totally sucks” – the White House held their 7th annual Passover Seder. Surprisingly, the deal didn’t even come up. No one talked about it. When asked about it, White House Press Secretary and obvious gentile Josh Earnest said, “What deal?”...

UK Leaders Accidentally Attend Public Execution in Riyadh on Way to Honoring Deceased Saudi King
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UK Leaders Accidentally Attend Public Execution in Riyadh on Way to Honoring Deceased Saudi King

En route to offering their condolences following the death of King Abdullah in late January, Prince Charles and British Prime Minister David Cameron inadvertently witnessed a stoning in Riyadh’s Deera Square of over two dozen men and women accused of adultery. “How unfortunate.” the Prince of Wales reportedly remarked when confronted with an example of Saudi Arabia’s violent judicial system....

New Yorker defends Lena Dunham Piece Comparing Jews to Rats
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New Yorker defends Lena Dunham Piece Comparing Jews to Rats

Despite accusations of Jew bashing, New Yorker editor David Remnick insisted today that Lena Dunham’s recent piece, ‘Jews or Rats’, was neither offensive nor insipid.  “Through thousands of years, people have compared Jews to vermin,” Remnick explained in a statement.  “Lena’s piece should be seen as part of that fine tradition.” Other noted culture critics joined in defending Dunham.  “Lena’s...

ISIS: “Muslims Discovered America…And We Want it Back”
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ISIS: “Muslims Discovered America…And We Want it Back”

Following Turkish President Tayyip Erdogan’s claim that Muslims discovered America in the 10th century, ISIS has jumped on the bandwagon, initiating proceedings to establish its right to ownership of the entire continental United States. The Multinational Jihadist Conglomerate of Incorporated Decapitators, commonly known as ISIS, filed papers late last week with the International Court of Justice, seeking redress for one of history’s great-alleged...

Cuba to Turkey: We’ll See Your Mosque and Raise You One Istanbul
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Cuba to Turkey: We’ll See Your Mosque and Raise You One Istanbul

Turkish President, Tayyip Erdogan, in an “explosive announcement” claimed that Muslims discovered America, and not Roman Catholic explorer Christopher Columbus. One Turkish observer at the announcement noted, “According to our dictator, I mean President, sorry about that, brain freeze, ‘Christopher Columbus referred to the presence of a mosque on top of a mountain in Cuba.’” Erdogan, currently in talks with...

“Kosher Sex” to Rival Fifty Shades of Grey at the Box Office

“Kosher Sex” to Rival Fifty Shades of Grey at the Box Office

The ordinarily media shy Shmueli Boteach, in a rare interview with the press has revealed to The Israeli Daily (TID) that he has sold the movie rights to Kosher Sex for $18 million. “It wasn’t easy to conclude,” said Boteach whilst updating Twitter with photos of his son’s birthday party, “as Jewish sex does not have the appeal one would think it...

Palestinian Department of Archeology Unveils 1930 Edition of the Palestine Post
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Palestinian Department of Archeology Unveils 1930 Edition of the Palestine Post

In the Israeli-Palestinian conflict over narrative history, the Palestinian Authority sought to score a major win today by unveiling a recently uncovered 1930 edition of the Palestine Post. With Mahmoud Abbas at his side, Department of Archeology Chair Iba bin Digga, explained the finds significance. “We Palestinians struggle to prove our ancient historical connection with our land. The Israelis say...

Israel Defense Force in thrilling tie-in with Marvel Film Studios
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Israel Defense Force in thrilling tie-in with Marvel Film Studios

In a move guaranteed to delight fan boys everywhere, the IDF has agreed to a ten-year marketing agreement with the people that brought you The Avengers and Guardians of the Galaxy. The move means that from now on IDF operations will not be burdened with such yawn-encouraging names as “Cast Lead” or “Protective Edge” and instead will benefit from much snappier...

Honest Working Youngsters Step Up The Search For Fabled Israeli Gold
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Honest Working Youngsters Step Up The Search For Fabled Israeli Gold

A number of European cities have recently seen an upsurge of brave young men banding together in order to search for their city’s Israeli Gold. Having staged successful searches in European capitals such as Paris, Copenhagen, Rome and others, the band of explorers recently turned their sights to London, the capital of the civilized world. Being tipped off as to...