ISIS: “Muslims Discovered America…And We Want it Back”

Following Turkish President Tayyip Erdogan’s claim that Muslims discovered America in the 10th century, ISIS has jumped on the bandwagon, initiating proceedings to establish its right to ownership of the entire continental United States.

The Multinational Jihadist Conglomerate of Incorporated Decapitators, commonly known as ISIS, filed papers late last week with the International Court of Justice, seeking redress for one of history’s great-alleged land swindles.

“Muslim sailors landed in America more than three centuries before Christopher Columbus was even an itch in his father’s infidel underwear,” acclaimed oriental studies historian Ajay Nagheenanajar stated.

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The conventional wisdom is that Columbus discovered the Americas in 1492, while trying to find a new route to India. However, even before Erdogan’s statement, Nagheenanajar made headlines in 2013 when he penned an article claiming that the Spanish explorer was not the captain of the famous Niña, Pinta, and Santa Maria ships, but just a lowly cook with a penchant for spiced wines.

ISIS CEO Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi said on Monday: “What do you think about a giant mosque, with golden domes, rose-covered courtyards and lush gardens full of fountains being built on top of that Mall of America monstrosity? Trust me, Minnesota will thank us.”

It is rumored that al-Baghdadi, speaking at an ISIS Architecture Convention last month, said: “Think about how cool the White House will look once we turn that thing into a mosque. And the Capitol building already has a dome, so that’s sorted.”