Danny Sledgehammer

 

Dog Lovers Condemn Abbas for Calling Trump a Dog

Dog Lovers Condemn Abbas for Calling Trump a Dog

Horrified dog lovers condemned PLO chief Mahmoud Abbas for calling President Donald Trump a dog. The strong response comes after Abbas reacted to Trump’s “Deal of the Century” Mideast peace plan by stating, “Trump is a dog and the son of a dog.” Twitter is already swamped with the new hashtag #PetToo. Brad Pitt-Bull, chairman of the organization “Hollywood for Pet Rights”, spoke to The Mideast Beast. “We are shocked that anyone could be so cruel to compare our beloved...

China Manufactures One Arab, One Jewish Middle East

China Manufactures One Arab, One Jewish Middle East

In flagrant violation of international patent regulations, China has manufactured two Middle Easts in Chinese factories, one for Arabs and one for Jews. The dramatic Beijing initiative came after China recently announced a greater commitment to peace, stability and development of the Middle East. China’s Foreign Minister Wang Yi outlined China’s Middle East vision to The Mideast Beast: “It is clear to everyone except Western diplomats that Arabs and Jews are incapable of living together. At the same time, China...

David Duke Accuses Twitter of White Supremacism after Farrakhan’s Account Suspended

David Duke Accuses Twitter of White Supremacism after Farrakhan’s Account Suspended

Neo-Nazi David Duke has accused Twitter of “white supremacism” after it mistakenly suspended and later reinstated Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan’s account. Believing he was interviewed by the KKK’s Gaza office, Duke spoke to The Mideast Beast. “I know racism when I see it. My suntanned brother Louie, who survived countless microaggressions by bigoted Zionist termites, is now a victim of Twitter’s white supremacism. It breaks my white heart.” Farrakhan who believed he was interviewed by Ilhan Omar’s Jihad-trainee...

US Evangelical Zionists Criticize Israel for Not Annexing Entire Mideast

US Evangelical Zionists Criticize Israel for Not Annexing Entire Mideast

John Hagee, US Evangelical pastor and chairman of the Christians United for Israel pro-Zionist organization, has criticized Israel for “losing its Zionist spirit.” The controversy follows a trend where pro-Zionist US Christian Evangelicals replace liberal US Jews as Israel’s main supporters in America. Hagee rebuked The Mideast Beast: “What is wrong with you guys? Trump moved the US embassy to Jerusalem and you are still hanging around sinning at Tel Aviv’s beaches.” Hagee voiced his disappointment in Israel’s government. “What...

Bloomberg Donates Fortune to Iran to Get Rid of Trump

Bloomberg Donates Fortune to Iran to Get Rid of Trump

U.S. presidential candidate billionaire Michael Bloomberg has reportedly donated his entire fortune to Iran to “get rid of Trump”. The dramatic donation comes after Bloomberg vowed to spend his fortune to defeat President Trump in the upcoming 2020 US election. Speaking to the Mideast Beast from New York, Bloomberg defended his unconventional strategy by mildly rebuking his fellow Democrat presidential candidates Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders. “Let’s be honest, it takes far more to defeat President Trump than a feminist...

European Union Labels Jesus an Illegal Jewish Settlement Product

European Union Labels Jesus an Illegal Jewish Settlement Product

The European Union (EU) has decided to label Jesus an “illegal Jewish settlement product from the Israeli-occupied West Bank.” The dramatic decision comes after the European Court of Justice ruled earlier that EU countries must label all Jewish settlements goods. EU’s Foreign Policy Chief Josep Borrell spoke to The Mideast Beast from his Brussels office. “As the world’s leading human rights power, the European Union has a moral duty to oppose illegal Jewish settlement products from the Israeli-occupied West Bank. As...

Iran Appoints Michael Moore as Soleimani’s Successor

Iran Appoints Michael Moore as Soleimani’s Successor

Iran’s Supreme leader Ayatollah Khamenei has appointed Michael Moore as Soleimani’s successor to head the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps. The dramatic move comes after Michael Moore recently apologized for Soleimani’s death on behalf of “millions of Americans.” Ayatollah Khamenei told The Mideast Beast that he is not fooled by Moore’s “insincere” condolences: “Michael has been eagerly waiting to replace Soleimani for years after a progressively declining documentary making career. However, the Islamic Republic appreciates Michael Moore’s extensive experience in attacking...

Iran Admits to Unintentionally Attacking US Baghdad Embassy

Iran Admits to Unintentionally Attacking US Baghdad Embassy

Iran has admitted that it “unintentionally attacked” the US Embassy in Baghdad in December 2019. The dramatic U-turn admission comes after Tehran also admitted that it recently accidentally shot down a Ukrainian commercial airplane just after takeoff from Imam Khomeini International Airport . Iran’s Foreign Minister Mohammad Javad Zarif told The Mideast Beast: “Iran unintentionally attacked the US Embassy in Baghdad. This human error happened due to strain and stress caused by the dangerous American adventurism in the Middle East....

Trump Declares Day of Rage against Uncooperative Pentagon

Trump Declares Day of Rage against Uncooperative Pentagon

President Trump has reportedly declared a Day of Rage against the Pentagon. The escalating move comes after the Pentagon rejected Trump’s threat to bomb Iranian cultural sites. A mildly irritated President Trump told The Mideast Beast: “Nobody can give better orders than me. The undrained Pentagon swamp consists of unstable total losers, probably secret Pocahontas or Bernie Slanders supporters. As long as a stable genius like me leads the US, the Pentagon will do exactly as I tell them. If...