Danny Sledgehammer

 

Trump: ‘I Have Done More for America than George Washington’

Trump: ‘I Have Done More for America than George Washington’

In his annual State of the Union Speech, President Trump declared that he has done more for America than George Washington ever did. President Trump spoke to The Mideast Beast, which he called his “second favorite fake news source, after Fox & Friends.” “Honestly, nobody has done more for America than me. What did George Washington do for America? He...

US Deep State Secretary Putin Vows to Preserve Mideast Stability

US Deep State Secretary Putin Vows to Preserve Mideast Stability

US Deep State Secretary Vladimir Putin, who also happens to be the President of Russia, vows to preserve stability in the Middle East. The move comes after Putin expressed concern that his presidency may end by 2060. Putin outlined his Middle East vision to The Mideast Beast. “In an occasionally unstable Middle East, stability is a fundamental human right. I...

Bernie Sanders Celebrates World Hijab Day, Detained at JFK Airport
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Bernie Sanders Celebrates World Hijab Day, Detained at JFK Airport

Seeking to boost his progressive pre-election credentials, a Hijab-clad Bernie Sanders was accidentally detained at JFK airport on World Hijab Day. JFK’s security manager told The Mideast Beast, “We mistakenly believed that Mr. Sanders was an activated female Jihad terrorist from a Cuban terrorist cell. We heard something ticking suspiciously inside his socialist hijab.” A fuming Sanders told The Mideast...

Deal of the Century Revealed: Trump and Bibi Share Jerusalem

Deal of the Century Revealed: Trump and Bibi Share Jerusalem

President Trump has declared Jerusalem “shared real estate” for Prime Minister Netanyahu and himself. The groundbreaking recognition constitutes a central component in Trump’s “Deal of the Century” Mideast peace plan. President Trump spoke to The Mideast Beast after taking time off from his busy impeachment trial schedule. “It’s a historic and super fair deal, perhaps the last chance to achieve...

Dog Lovers Condemn Abbas for Calling Trump a Dog

Dog Lovers Condemn Abbas for Calling Trump a Dog

Horrified dog lovers condemned PLO chief Mahmoud Abbas for calling President Donald Trump a dog. The strong response comes after Abbas reacted to Trump’s “Deal of the Century” Mideast peace plan by stating, “Trump is a dog and the son of a dog.” Twitter is already swamped with the new hashtag #PetToo. Brad Pitt-Bull, chairman of the organization “Hollywood for...

China Manufactures One Arab, One Jewish Middle East

China Manufactures One Arab, One Jewish Middle East

In flagrant violation of international patent regulations, China has manufactured two Middle Easts in Chinese factories, one for Arabs and one for Jews. The dramatic Beijing initiative came after China recently announced a greater commitment to peace, stability and development of the Middle East. China’s Foreign Minister Wang Yi outlined China’s Middle East vision to The Mideast Beast: “It is...

David Duke Accuses Twitter of White Supremacism after Farrakhan’s Account Suspended

David Duke Accuses Twitter of White Supremacism after Farrakhan’s Account Suspended

Neo-Nazi David Duke has accused Twitter of “white supremacism” after it mistakenly suspended and later reinstated Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan’s account. Believing he was interviewed by the KKK’s Gaza office, Duke spoke to The Mideast Beast. “I know racism when I see it. My suntanned brother Louie, who survived countless microaggressions by bigoted Zionist termites, is now a...

US Evangelical Zionists Criticize Israel for Not Annexing Entire Mideast

US Evangelical Zionists Criticize Israel for Not Annexing Entire Mideast

John Hagee, US Evangelical pastor and chairman of the Christians United for Israel pro-Zionist organization, has criticized Israel for “losing its Zionist spirit.” The controversy follows a trend where pro-Zionist US Christian Evangelicals replace liberal US Jews as Israel’s main supporters in America. Hagee rebuked The Mideast Beast: “What is wrong with you guys? Trump moved the US embassy to...

Bloomberg Donates Fortune to Iran to Get Rid of Trump

Bloomberg Donates Fortune to Iran to Get Rid of Trump

U.S. presidential candidate billionaire Michael Bloomberg has reportedly donated his entire fortune to Iran to “get rid of Trump”. The dramatic donation comes after Bloomberg vowed to spend his fortune to defeat President Trump in the upcoming 2020 US election. Speaking to the Mideast Beast from New York, Bloomberg defended his unconventional strategy by mildly rebuking his fellow Democrat presidential...

European Union Labels Jesus an Illegal Jewish Settlement Product
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European Union Labels Jesus an Illegal Jewish Settlement Product

The European Union (EU) has decided to label Jesus an “illegal Jewish settlement product from the Israeli-occupied West Bank.” The dramatic decision comes after the European Court of Justice ruled earlier that EU countries must label all Jewish settlements goods. EU’s Foreign Policy Chief Josep Borrell spoke to The Mideast Beast from his Brussels office. “As the world’s leading human rights...

Iran Appoints Michael Moore as Soleimani’s Successor

Iran Appoints Michael Moore as Soleimani’s Successor

Iran’s Supreme leader Ayatollah Khamenei has appointed Michael Moore as Soleimani’s successor to head the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps. The dramatic move comes after Michael Moore recently apologized for Soleimani’s death on behalf of “millions of Americans.” Ayatollah Khamenei told The Mideast Beast that he is not fooled by Moore’s “insincere” condolences: “Michael has been eagerly waiting to replace Soleimani...

Iran Admits to Unintentionally Attacking US Baghdad Embassy
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Iran Admits to Unintentionally Attacking US Baghdad Embassy

Iran has admitted that it “unintentionally attacked” the US Embassy in Baghdad in December 2019. The dramatic U-turn admission comes after Tehran also admitted that it recently accidentally shot down a Ukrainian commercial airplane just after takeoff from Imam Khomeini International Airport . Iran’s Foreign Minister Mohammad Javad Zarif told The Mideast Beast: “Iran unintentionally attacked the US Embassy in...

Trump Declares Day of Rage against Uncooperative Pentagon
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Trump Declares Day of Rage against Uncooperative Pentagon

President Trump has reportedly declared a Day of Rage against the Pentagon. The escalating move comes after the Pentagon rejected Trump’s threat to bomb Iranian cultural sites. A mildly irritated President Trump told The Mideast Beast: “Nobody can give better orders than me. The undrained Pentagon swamp consists of unstable total losers, probably secret Pocahontas or Bernie Slanders supporters. As...