The State of Israel has surprisingly decided to build terror tunnels into the Gaza Strip. The unconventional decision by Jerusalem comes after the British government urged Israel to ensure “proportionality” in its military actions in Gaza.
“Israel must make every effort to avoid civilian casualties and military activity must be proportionate,” said the British Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s spokesman Max Blain.
Moshe Builderman, the head of the Israel Defense Force’s new terror tunnel unit, spoke to The Mideast Beast about Israel’s new proportionality strategy.
“Israel takes proportionality very seriously. If Hamas builds ten terror tunnels into Israel, we will build ten even more terrifying tunnels into Gaza. By building separate tunnels, we avoid subterranean traffic congestion clashes between Hamas’ masked Jihad fighters and our masked badass kosher ninjas.”
In order to speed up the building process and avoid Israel’s terrorizing bureaucracy, Chinese subcontractors will swiftly build all Israeli terror tunnels.
Builderman reassured The Mideast Beast that Israel’s new proportionality strategy extended far beyond terror tunnels.
“Military bases are so outdated. From now on, Israel will store its fighter jets, nuclear missiles, tanks and military intelligence in more relaxed civilian locations such as synagogues, hospitals, media buildings and schools. Needless to say, if Hamas dares firing at our precious F-35 fighter jet babies hiding inside David’s Falafel Shack on the Gaza border, we will naturally sue them for war crimes against innocent and defenceless civilians.”