The human Jihad rights organization Suicide Bombers’ Lives Matter (SBLM) has strongly condemned “America’s racist and imperialist police forces.” The condemnation comes at a time of violent riots and protests across America over the murder of George Floyd, a black man killed by a police officer in Minneapolis. SBLM director Chalid Said spoke to The Mideast Beast from a restaurant...
The remains of ISIS have fled after President Donald Trump decided to deploy “New York City COVID-19 lowlife losers” to Syria. President Trump spoke to The Mideast Beast about his stroke of genius, which simultaneously ended conflicts in New York City and in what’s left of Syria. “Believe me, I normally oppose US involvement in foreign wars but I made...
Yemen’s government has offered political asylum to President Trump. The offer comes after Trump was briefly evacuated to a bunker amid riots outside the White House. The Mideast Beast secured an exclusive interview with Yemen’s President Abdrabbuh Mansur Hadi. “Yemen normally has a strict travel ban on people from shithole countries such as America. However, Trump is such a charmer...
China has granted Iraq a 99-year lease for Hong Kong after the Baghdad regime promised to deliver “democracy, peace and prosperity” to the former British colony. The surprising development comes on the heels of ongoing US-Chinese tensions over Hong Kong’s status as autonomous from mainland China. China’s prominent human rights champion turned foreign minister Wang Yi, spoke to The Mideast...
Syrian President, and Russia’s personal puppet, Bashar Assad held an anticipatory memorial day for Syrians that he hasn’t killed yet. It comes on the heels of an unmasked President Trump and a masked Joe Biden who marked America’s Memorial Day this past Monday. An emotional Assad spoke to The Mideast Beast from his recently revealed Damascus Institute for Inclusive Corona...
Iran’s supreme leader Ayatollah Khamenei has decided to “embrace a simple Amish lifestyle free from Zionist technology.” The decision comes after Iran’s parliament unanimously passed a resolution banning any use of Israeli technology as a “crime against God.” Since Israeli technology is found in everything from laptops to smartphones, Iran’s supreme leader spoke to The Mideast Beast inside a 100...
ISIS has tasked Eric Trump to “pack arenas with 50.000 MAGA infidels.” The appointment comes after Trump Junior vented a cray-cray-level conspiracy theory over the slow reopening of some US states. “And they think they’re taking away Donald Trump’s greatest tool, which is being able to go into an arena and fill it with 50,000 people every single time, right?”...
Tesla, the US electric vehicle company has been chosen “most environmentally-friendly Jihad vehicle 2020” by ecologically-driven Jihadists worldwide. Tesla CEO Elon Musk spoke to The Mideast Beast from the company’s Palo Alto headquarters. “I’m really moved by the gesture and it proves I was right to reopen Tesla’s California plant. Whether you drive on the right or the left side...
Ayatollah Khamenei’s Jewish roots were recently exposed and Iran’s supreme leader is now reportedly considering “wiping myself off the map.” The explosive news comes at a time when Iran’s regime is fighting an uphill battle to suppress the true number of Iranian COVID-19 fatalities. The devastated Khamenei spoke to The Mideast Beast after being boycotted by Rashida Tlaib, John Cusack,...
A joint Hamas-Fatah delegation is heading to the US to mediate peace between President Donald Trump and former President Barack Obama. The Hamas-Fatah peace initiative comes at a time of tense social distancing between Trump and Obama on controversial issues such as the handling of Covid-19, swine flu, and “Obamagate”. Senior Fatah peace negotiator Saeb Erekat spoke to The Mideast...
In his characteristic modesty, President Trump confidently declared that he will “recreate the best pre-COVID world in six days and play restful golf on the seventh.” President Trump agreed to an interview with The Mideast Beast after being reassured that it is a real news satirical outlet. “The Book of Genesis says that God created the world in six days...
North Korean leader Kim Jong-un has won the People Magazine’s highly coveted title “Sexiest Despot Alive” once again. Jong-un narrowly missed the competition due to rumors that he faked his death to avoid Trump’s phone calls. “It was a well-deserved victory and the world narrowly avoided World War III”, the obesely hot North Korean dictator told The Mideast Beast. Unsurprisingly,...
Israel is facing an invasion by New York immigrants who could potentially be tested positive for both Jewishness and COVID-19. As a result, the entire Middle East has been placed in self-imposed quarantine. The Jewish Agency, the authority responsible for immigration to Israel, issued grim statistics showing a 50-percentage increase in applications among New Yorkers seeking to move to Israel...
Seeking to calm Americans, President Trump modestly declared, “The pandemic is history. I built a huge Wall of China and made the corona-commies pay for it.” Trump’s statement comes at a time of strained US-Chinese relations. The Mideast Beast spoke to President Trump in an exclusive interview. “To be honest, the coronavirus assault on America is worse than Pearl Harbor,...
Hezbollah, Lebanon’s Jihad Boy Scouts have outlawed “Jew-loving” Germany. The response comes after Germany decided to outlaw all of Hezbollah, including its political wing. Hezbollah, which constitutes an integral part of Lebanon’s government, publicly flogged Germany’s ambassador and promptly expelled him from Lebanon with Iran’s militant Mahan Air, COVID-19’s favorite airline. Hezbollah’s outraged chief Hassan ‘Man-Tits’ Nasrallah spoke to The...
Berkeley’s City Council has offered “safe space” to Iranian forces in Syria, currently badly battered by “racist Yid Demonic Forces (YDF).” The compassionate move from Berkeley, a world-renowned bastion of cherry-picked human rights causes, comes as Iran reportedly begins pulling out its forces from Syria after repeated Israeli airstrikes on Iranian military bases and Iranian-affiliated militias operating in Syria. Berkeley...
The International Criminal Court (ICC) accuses Israel of “brutally killing Pallywood’s movie star Mohamed al-Duracell three times.” ICC Chief Prosecutor Fatou Bensouda spoke to The Mideast Beast while finalizing the conclusions of the slightly predetermined probe concerning Israeli crimes. “Killing someone three times is a very serious crime that the ICC does not take lightly. Our human rights loving Saudi...
Syrian President Bashar Assad has accused Joe Biden of “smelling my hair and touching me inappropriately.” The explosive story comes at a time when many Americans are having second thoughts about Biden’s eligibility as America’s next President. A devastated Assad spoke to The Mideast Beast from The Institute for Traumatized Despots in the Levant. “One day during my studies in...
The global furniture giant IKEA is now offering “assembly instructions to a flat-packaged Mideast peace.” The announcement comes as the popular Swedish furniture seller reopens its stores in Israel, Germany and China. IKEA’s upbeat Mideast Director Sven Borg revealed to The Mideast Beast why IKEA’s Middle East Peace Plan has better chances than the previous 789 clinically dead peace proposals....
President Donald Trump, who has converted to Kushner Inc. “Corporate Family Judaism”, blasted the “anti-Semitic fake news media.” Trump spoke to The Mideast Beast at Mar-a-Lago’s Orthodox Golf Synagogue. “Believe me, nobody is a bigger victim of anti-Semitic persecution than me. David Duke says that the nasty stuff the media says about me is taken directly from the Nazi playbook.”...
