Middle Eastern Dictators Jealous of Trump Over Cabinet Meeting of ‘Blessings’

Middle Eastern Dictators Jealous of Trump Over Cabinet Meeting of ‘Blessings’

Saying that their own supporters had never shown quite such a level of fawning flattery, strongmen from across the Middle East and beyond are reportedly aching with jealousy over President Trump’s cabinet meeting last week. The meeting – in which cabinet members went around the table thanking Trump for the “blessing to serve [his] agenda” – has convinced many dictators that their own lackeys are insufficiently committed to praising them. “I used to think that supporters calling me a lion...

Linda Sarsour Congratulates Islamic Countries on not Pinkwashing Oppression

Linda Sarsour Congratulates Islamic Countries on not Pinkwashing Oppression

Following the Pride Parade in Tel Aviv this past weekend, many groups and activists condemned Israel for its policy of ‘Pinkwashing’ and congratulated Muslim countries for their continuing oppression of women, minorities, and the LGBTQ+ community. ‘Pinkwashing’ is the accusation that Israel uses its open and inclusive society to cover up alleged abuses against Palestinians. Linda Sarsour – a woman wearing a look as if she knows what you did last summer and equally condemns you for it and wonders...

WEATHER FORECAST

SUNDAY Hot girls on the beach in Tel Aviv
MONDAY Sunny with a chance of war somewhere
TUESDAY High chances of failed peace talks
WEDNESDAY Slight chance of chemical clouds over Syria
THURSDAY 100% chance of Israeli-Palestinian tension
FRIDAY 50/50 chance Turkey will be ruled by a dictator
SATURDAY Hot girls on the beach in Beirut
Paul Ryan Defends ISIS Saying, ‘They’re New at This’

Paul Ryan Defends ISIS Saying, ‘They’re New at This’

Asking that the public show some patience and understanding, House Speaker Paul Ryan defended the Islamic State and its leadership, saying the group was “new to this.” “Listen, ISIS has only been around three or four years. They aren’t steeped in all the long-running protocols, like the Geneva Convention,” Ryan told reporters. “Who hasn’t, in the first couple years running a new organization, beheaded a few people or taken a couple Yazidi sex slaves?” Ryan added that he sympathized with...

Cows Demand to be Kept Out of Gulf Dispute

Cows Demand to be Kept Out of Gulf Dispute

A spokescow for the 4,000 animals flown into Qatar this week has pleaded that they are kept out of the growing dispute between the country and its neighbors. “We’re just here to do a job. Provide milk. We’re not Shia or Sunni, we’re dairy.” Molly Lovitt, a Holstein already in the country commented, “Of course it’s hard not to discuss the crisis when you’re all standing in line being milked, but we try to keep things civil. Personally, I think...

Needing Change of Scenery, Hamas to Focus on Creating Puerto Rican State

Needing Change of Scenery, Hamas to Focus on Creating Puerto Rican State

Saying that it needed to shake things up after three decades of fighting for a Palestinian state, the militant Islamist group Hamas announced that it will relocate to Puerto Rico and spend an undisclosed period of time fighting for statehood in the US territory. “Listen, we love the Palestinian people and are committed to creating an Islamic state in all of Palestine, but thirty years is a long time to spend in the Middle East,” said one senior commander for...

Revealed: Trump Made Seventh Horcrux in Saudi Arabia

Revealed: Trump Made Seventh Horcrux in Saudi Arabia

The true story behind the photo of Trump touching a mysterious crystal-ball-esque object in Saudi Arabia has finally been revealed. According to Saudi Arabian sources, Donald Trump officially created his seventh and final Horcrux by tearing apart yet another fragment of his soul and placing it in a silvery orb in Riyadh. Eyewitness accounts report that after Trump split his soul he cast a mediocre Obliviate charm on all those present, but unfortunately for him, it wore off this week....

Griffin’s ISIS and the Gays’ Israel

Griffin’s ISIS and the Gays’ Israel

TMB Co-hosts Alex Giles and Molly Livingstone discuss comedian Kathy Griffin’s ISIS beheading shot of President Trump and other Trumptire (Trump satire) that is only too real. And what makes Tel Aviv one of the most gay-friendly cities in the world? Find out in this exclusive interview with Israeli Gay Rights Activist Sarah Weil. Click here. If you missed last week’s pilot episode about “Trump’s Middle Eastern Vacation,” including the details of his trip to the Holocaust Museum click here....

Radical Islamists Form New LGBTQ+ Terror Group

Radical Islamists Form New LGBTQ+ Terror Group

Inspired by the success of last Friday’s Tel-Aviv Pride Parade, closeted terrorists throughout the Middle East have decided to unite and show their true colors by establishing a new pan-Arab LGBTQ+ terror organization. “At first, we were afraid we would get our heads chopped off, or worse, our dicks. However, our long-standing suspicion that there is a large population of gay terrorists throughout the region turned out to be correct,” commented one representative of the group, who identifies as a...

Israeli-Palestinian Conflict Ends After Lebanon, Tunisia Ban “Wonder Woman”

Israeli-Palestinian Conflict Ends After Lebanon, Tunisia Ban “Wonder Woman”

After more than 100 years of bloodshed, the Israeli-Palestinian conflict ended abruptly the other day after Lebanon and Tunisia banned the screening of the movie Wonder Woman, which features an Israeli actress in the iconic role. When Lebanon revealed that it had banned the film, Israeli PM Netanyahu called for all armed forces to retreat from the West Bank immediately and end the siege on Gaza. Thousands of ultra-nationalist religious settlers then decided to donate their homes to Palestinian refugees...

Following Pride Parade, Gays Now Majority in Tel Aviv

Following Pride Parade, Gays Now Majority in Tel Aviv

It’s official. Tel Aviv, one of the most liberal cities in the world, and hands down the most gay-friendly city in the Middle East and one of the most gay-friendly cities in the entire world, now contains a majority of gay citizens. At a press conference, TLV-Gay leader Yossi Dingle said, “It’s true that we’ve made huge strides in bringing about more gay rights and we’ve always been strong and hard in our thrusts in aiming for those rights, always standing erect with pride and never...