Infowars.com Reports Iraqi Army Fighting to Liberate Stockholm

Infowars.com Reports Iraqi Army Fighting to Liberate Stockholm

Alex Jones, the walking advertisement for why you really shouldn’t stay out in the sun too long, and the host of Infowars.com has reported that the elite Golden Division of the Iraqi Army is engaged in intense combat with ISIS forces in and around the Swedish capital. Heavy fighting is reported around the Ikea store in Jakobsberg, although Infowars.com correspondents may be confusing this with the normal Sunday afternoon rush to get reasonably priced homeware bargains. President Trump has directed...

Trump to Build ‘Third Temple Trump Hotel’ on Site of Temple Mount

Trump to Build ‘Third Temple Trump Hotel’ on Site of Temple Mount

Calling it a perfect solution to longstanding tension over the Temple Mount in Jerusalem, President Trump has proposed a plan to raze the entire site and replace it with the ‘Third Temple Trump Hotel and Mosque.’ Trump unveiled his plans days after meeting with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. After considering how to accommodate Jewish access to the site of the First and Second Temples and Muslim access to the Al Aqsa Mosque, Trump said he believed the best solution...

WEATHER FORECAST

SUNDAY Hot girls on the beach in Tel Aviv
MONDAY Sunny - it's the Middle East
TUESDAY War - it's the Middle East
WEDNESDAY High chance of serious tension
THURSDAY 100% chance of inaction against ISIS
FRIDAY 99% chance of insane politics
SATURDAY Failed peace talks - it's the Middle East
Saudi Government Torn Over Whether to Let Caitlyn Jenner Drive

Saudi Government Torn Over Whether to Let Caitlyn Jenner Drive

Saudi officials have held a series of emergency meetings over the past month, as the government has struggled over whether former Olympian and reality TV star Caitlyn Jenner, who was born a man but last month revealed that she identified as a woman, would be allowed to drive or appear unveiled in public if she ever visits the Kingdom. “Allah decides who is a man and who is a woman, and Bruce Jenner cannot change the will of Allah, so...

Germany Staffs Refugees in Undesirable Jobs like Border Police

Germany Staffs Refugees in Undesirable Jobs like Border Police

A torrent of refugees is threatening to deluge Europe like a flood of overused metaphors in a news article, and European countries are struggling for ideas to cope with the surge. Some countries, led by the innovative Germans, are coming up with creative solutions. “We had planned to close our borders with Austria,” said interior minister Thomas de Maiziere, “but we discovered that German people don’t want the unpleasant duty of guarding a train track and beating back refugees with...

Desperate for Money, ISIS Creating Postmodern Art from Destroyed Remains of Ancient World

Desperate for Money, ISIS Creating Postmodern Art from Destroyed Remains of Ancient World

ISIS leaders have been taking meetings in the contemporary art scene to raise money for future fighting in Mosul. Citing religious purposes, the group is known to destroy ancient art and ruins with sledgehammers, bombs and permanent markers to erase the rich cultural history of the region. But now, facing a stronger Iraqi/US front, the group has no choice but to change strategy. Led by Kata’ib Taswiyya, the group traditionally in charge of demolishing cultural targets, ISIS has started producing sculptural...

Shortage of Stones in West Bank Leaves Youth Asking: ‘What Will We Throw Next?’

Shortage of Stones in West Bank Leaves Youth Asking: ‘What Will We Throw Next?’

A severe shortage of suitable ‘throwing stones’ in the West Bank has caused a panic in recent weeks. Citing natural erosion – and decades of stone-throwing by teenagers who should have been in school –Palestinian Authority officials have declared a state of emergency in various cities and towns throughout the West Bank, leaving the IDF and the international community asking: what will they throw next? Speaking to The Mideast Beast, 12-year-old Usman Abu Rahman said, “Without stones to throw, I’m more depressed than ever. Throwing stones at...

UK Government to Ban All Communication in Order to Combat Extremism

UK Government to Ban All Communication in Order to Combat Extremism

LONDON — Following the historical Brexit referendum and the appointment of the new British Prime Minister, Theresa May, The Mideast Beast has learnt that the UK Government is planning legislation to stop people communicating, in a radical step to ‎combat the Islamist threat. One commentator stated; “I’m not saying Mrs. May is ‘authoritarian’, but I understand that Benjamin Netanyahu has her photo up as his personal screen saver.” The planned law comes after a damming report from Parliament’s Intelligence and...

Ghosts of Gaddafi, Hussein and Khomeini Commend Trump Press Conference

Ghosts of Gaddafi, Hussein and Khomeini Commend Trump Press Conference

Speaking from the afterlife the three, all well-known for their sometimes ‘eccentric’ public performances, confirmed that yesterday’s effort was by far the most “bat shit crazy” thing they had ever witnessed. Former Libyan president Gaddafi commented, “A lot of people said I was a ‘bit out there’ when I listed the great prophets as Mohammed, Jesus and myself. But on the other hand, I never believed that my good TV ratings made me a ‘good person.’ I mean I wasn’t...

ISIS Apologizes to Trump for Inaccurate Terror List

ISIS Apologizes to Trump for Inaccurate Terror List

Last week, the White House blamed the media for underreporting terrorist activity. While many of the attacks on the list were covered by the media, some, like the Bowling Green and Atlantis attacks came from a list reportedly provided by ISIS. Per a staffer who works close to the president, Trump was furious that his team continued to cite attacks that did not happen and demanded that they find the source of the continued misinformation. In a press briefing today, Sean...

President Trump to Netanyahu, “Does Putin Talk about Me?”

President Trump to Netanyahu, “Does Putin Talk about Me?”

Documents obtained by The Mideast Beast regarding the initial meeting between Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu and President Donald Trump reveal a productive conversation. The two leaders discussed a range of topics including settlements, the moving of the US embassy to Jerusalem, and the threat of Iran. In addition, there was one item that kept coming up in conversation a lot: Putin. President Trump talks about Putin several times, as one excerpt of the transcript shows him asking: “Have you spoken...