Archives

Iran’s Supreme Leader: Some of My Best Friends Are Jews
,

Iran’s Supreme Leader: Some of My Best Friends Are Jews

Iran’s “Supreme Leader” Ali Khamenei, clearly frustrated, recently went on a prolonged Twitter rant, in which he, among other things, described Israel as “a cancerous tumor”. The rant came as a poster published on Khamenei’s website using the words “final solution” and calling for Israel’s destruction, drew criticism. “The Zionist regime understands no logic except force and it is the...

Tucker Carlson: Wuhan Lab Bullied Me in High School
,

Tucker Carlson: Wuhan Lab Bullied Me in High School

Fox commentator Tucker Carlson doubled down this week on his accusations of the Chinese government’s alleged role in releasing the coronavirus by accusing the Wuhan Institute of Virology, also known as ‘that Wuhan lab’, of bullying him in High School. According to the conservative political commentator, not only did scientists from Wuhan develop SARS-CoV-2, which causes the disease Covid-19, they...

Afghanistan Commends Israel on Following Its Highly Democratic Example

Afghanistan Commends Israel on Following Its Highly Democratic Example

Afghanistan, a country so entrenched in democratic practices that up until recently it had no less than two presidents, congratulated Israel’s newly sworn in government, led by Prime Minister Netanyahu and “alternate” Prime Minister Benny Gantz. (It is unclear what “alternate prime minister” means – Gantz is only supposed to take over in 18 months – other than more expenses...

Melania Trump Arrested After Convincing Husband to Drink Fish Tank Cleaner

Melania Trump Arrested After Convincing Husband to Drink Fish Tank Cleaner

First Lady Melania Trump has been arrested on charges of attempted murder after police say she tried to convince her husband to drink fish tank cleaner containing hydroxychloroquine. President Donald Trump was hospitalized after ingesting a substantial amount of the tank cleaner, which included a trivial amount of hydroxychloroquine along with a host of deadly chemicals. Melania initially told police...

Tesla Chosen “Most Environmentally-Friendly Jihad Vehicle 2020”
,

Tesla Chosen “Most Environmentally-Friendly Jihad Vehicle 2020”

Tesla, the US electric vehicle company has been chosen “most environmentally-friendly Jihad vehicle 2020” by ecologically-driven Jihadists worldwide. Tesla CEO Elon Musk spoke to The Mideast Beast from the company’s Palo Alto headquarters. “I’m really moved by the gesture and it proves I was right to reopen Tesla’s California plant. Whether you drive on the right or the left side...

Russian Doctors: Defenestration is a Symptom of Coronavirus

Russian Doctors: Defenestration is a Symptom of Coronavirus

In what clearly had no correlation whatsoever with their criticism of the government, this month a slew of Russian doctors found themselves mysteriously ejected from windowsills. After a thorough and independent evaluation of the events, Russia’s top doctors established that defenestration is a shocking new symptom of the novel coronavirus. Similarly – to how frequent exposure to the virus can...

Abbas Offers Netanyahu Advice on How to Make One Elected Term Last Forever

Abbas Offers Netanyahu Advice on How to Make One Elected Term Last Forever

The Mideast Beast spoke to Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu shortly after his new government was sworn in, the 35th in Israel’s modern history, and asked him to confirm whether he intends to hand over power to his coalition partner in the unity government, Benny Gantz, in 18 months’ time, as agreed. “If I had to count all those who eulogized...

Netanyahu: Record Number of Ministers Needed to Solve Record Unemployment

Netanyahu: Record Number of Ministers Needed to Solve Record Unemployment

At a time when Israel faces the biggest unemployment crisis in its history, Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu is finally ready to present Israel’s new government, the largest in the country’s history, consisting of 36 ministers and 16 deputy ministers. Members of the Likud party were squabbling over portfolios until the last moment, offended that they had only been offered minor...

Ayatollah Khamenei’s Jewish Roots Exposed, Considers Wiping Himself off the Map

Ayatollah Khamenei’s Jewish Roots Exposed, Considers Wiping Himself off the Map

Ayatollah Khamenei’s Jewish roots were recently exposed and Iran’s supreme leader is now reportedly considering “wiping myself off the map.” The explosive news comes at a time when Iran’s regime is fighting an uphill battle to suppress the true number of Iranian COVID-19 fatalities. The devastated Khamenei spoke to The Mideast Beast after being boycotted by Rashida Tlaib, John Cusack,...

Mideast Expert Greta Thunberg to Host CNN Special on Israeli-Palestinian Conflict

Mideast Expert Greta Thunberg to Host CNN Special on Israeli-Palestinian Conflict

Looking to end the longstanding Israeli-Palestinian conflict once and for all, CNN will give climate change activist and Middle East expert Greta Thunberg an hour of airtime to lay out her peace plan. The network announced that the Special, which will air next week during prime time, will follow her appearance on an expert panel discussing COVID-19. Although she has...

Saudi Men Tired of Being Treated Like Saudi Women

Saudi Men Tired of Being Treated Like Saudi Women

The coronavirus pandemic has forced much of the world to re-think their social interactions; this has proven more difficult for some countries, especially the ones that haven’t changed the way their societies conduct themselves for several hundred years. In the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, men are complaining that since government restrictions were put in place, they have felt trapped and...

Evangelicals confirm Elon Musk’s Son is not the Second Coming

Evangelicals confirm Elon Musk’s Son is not the Second Coming

In a rare unified statement from global Evangelical faith leaders, they announced to followers and heathens alike that Elon Musk’s son is absolutely not the Second Coming of Christ. Despite principally believing that anybody anywhere could carry The Good News, bringing mankind redemption before God, they decided at a faith meeting last week to amend these core tenants to exclude...

Hamas and Fatah Mediate Peace between Trump and Obama

Hamas and Fatah Mediate Peace between Trump and Obama

A joint Hamas-Fatah delegation is heading to the US to mediate peace between President Donald Trump and former President Barack Obama. The Hamas-Fatah peace initiative comes at a time of tense social distancing between Trump and Obama on controversial issues such as the handling of Covid-19, swine flu, and “Obamagate”. Senior Fatah peace negotiator Saeb Erekat spoke to The Mideast...

Assad: Defenestration of Russian Doctors “Brings Back Nostalgic Memories”

Assad: Defenestration of Russian Doctors “Brings Back Nostalgic Memories”

At least three doctors have mysteriously fallen out of hospital windows in Russia recently with two of them dying from their injuries. The doctors had been critical of Russia’s handling of the coronavirus and had spoken out about Russia’s lack of preparedness and PPE shortages. One of the doctors had reportedly been forced to work by the hospital, despite being...

Mel Gibson Transitions in Aim to Become ‘Miss Hitler 2020’
,

Mel Gibson Transitions in Aim to Become ‘Miss Hitler 2020’

Actor and director Mel Gibson announced that she has transitioned and now identifies as a woman, a move that came a day before Gibson declared her candidacy in the controversial “Miss Hitler 2020” pageant. “I’ve always kept the real me buried deep inside, but it’s time to stop hiding and let my spirit shine,” said Gibson, who will now go...