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Saudi Arabia’s Newest Rules Don’t Make the Kingdom Any Less Shitty

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RIYADH — While it’s true that foreign unmarried couples are permitted to stay in hotel rooms together in Saudi Arabia, another wildly progressive step for the Kingdom, two years have passed and the ‘move towards modernity’ has yet to be met with the anticipated level of excitement from the international business community.

One Western CEO commented, “OK great, now I can technically share a room with Karen from accounts when we are next in Riyadh. But how is that really going to happen if we can’t get properly buzzed first in the hotel bar? Think about it. She has to get over the fact that I’m a middle-aged bald guy with a potbelly, and she can really do so, so much better. I have to gain the courage – that only three vodka tonics can supply – that I’m not a wretched stereotype cheating on my wife and three kids, because god I just want to feel ‘something.’”

“Oh yes, we both have to somehow forget the fact that we’re in Riyadh. A city that let’s face it, is not a place best faced sober.”

A spokesman for the Kingdom commented, “Listen up you freaks, we’re doing our best here. If you assholes want some extra-marital fun why don’t you fuck off to Dubai and strangle a hooker, like normal people.”

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