After weeks of unrest in Jerusalem following rumors among Palestinians that the Al-Aqsa Mosque was in danger, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu announced that plans to convert the mosque into a Katz’s Delicatessen have been suspended indefinitely.
“After a number of terrorists said their sole reason for stabbing random Jews in the street was that they felt Al-Aqsa was under threat, we decided now wasn’t the best time to announce that Islam’s third holiest site would be converted into a Kosher deli,” Netanyahu explained. “We’re going to wait until things calm down a bit.”
Al-Aqsa is located on the Temple Mount, a site holy to both religions and a source of tension for close to 100 years. Recently, Jewish activists who have gone to the Temple Mount to pray have noted that there are no restaurants atop the holy site.
“My religious experience of praying on the remains of the first and second temples doesn’t feel complete without a bowl of matzah ball soup afterwards,” explained activist Yehuda Glick, who has campaigned for Jewish access to the Temple Mount.
While the deli would primarily cater to Jewish visitors, Netanyahu noted that Katz’s would be open to Muslims as well.
“I’m pretty sure all Palestinian opposition would disappear once they tried Katz’s world-famous pastrami on rye,” Netanyahu explained. “Muslims can eat pastrami, right?”
Netanyahu would neither confirm nor deny reports that Israel planned to convert the Dome of the Rock to an H&H Bagels.