Palestinian olive farmer Mahmoud al-Tabrani was ecstatic Monday after a group of masked Jewish settlers burned down his olive grove. The grove was the exact site he had planned construction for his new home. In an interview with The Mideast Beast, he said being that he would have had to do all the work himself, and that “it’s like I’ve...
The Iraqi government released a statement earlier today, in solidarity with the Swedish people after they were targeted by President Trump with a false terrorist attack this past weekend. Swedish citizens were shocked to their very cores to find themselves under retroactive assault Friday night after the President referenced “what happened last night in Sweden” at his Florida rally. The...
Alex Jones, the walking advertisement for why you really shouldn’t stay out in the sun too long, and the host of Infowars.com has reported that the elite Golden Division of the Iraqi Army is engaged in intense combat with ISIS forces in and around the Swedish capital. Heavy fighting is reported around the Ikea store in Jakobsberg, although Infowars.com correspondents...
ISIS leaders have been taking meetings in the contemporary art scene to raise money for future fighting in Mosul. Citing religious purposes, the group is known to destroy ancient art and ruins with sledgehammers, bombs and permanent markers to erase the rich cultural history of the region. But now, facing a stronger Iraqi/US front, the group has no choice but to...
Last week, the White House blamed the media for underreporting terrorist activity. While many of the attacks on the list were covered by the media, some, like the Bowling Green and Atlantis attacks came from a list reportedly provided by ISIS. Per a staffer who works close to the president, Trump was furious that his team continued to cite attacks that...
Representatives from the continent that spent thousands of years killing each other en masse have released their most recent condemnation of violence in Syria and Iraq. The European council of ministers met earlier this week to condemn the violence in the region fueled by ideological differences; the German foreign minister, representing the country that, up until 1989 was split down...
Rockets fired from the Gaza Strip were deemed a failure by the militant group Hamas, as no Palestinian civilian injuries were reported. Hamas officials expressed disappointment that the missiles launched by the group, which landed in southern Israel, failed to strike any Palestinian schools or UN camps or draw an Israeli response that could be condemned by the international media. “We...
In a rare show of unity, the terrorist organizations prescribed by the US State Department issued a joint press release demanding equal acknowledgement with Muslim groups for the ‘Bowling Green Massacre.’ Kellyanne Conway couldn’t be reached for comment but the demand was undersigned: Abu Sayyaf Group, Aum Shinrikyo, Basque Fatherland and Liberty, Gama’a al-Islamiyya, HAMAS, Harakat ul-Mujahidin, Hizballah, Kahane...
Calling the suffering inflicted on the vast majority of Americans “a really nice surprise,” ISIS leaders were reportedly celebrating into the morning hours Monday after the hated New England Patriots’ stunning come-from-behind win in Super Bowl LI. “Seeing the American infidels this angry without having to plan and execute an attack is just a really great way to start the...
Calling it the first act in a “comeback tour of terrorism,” al Qaeda claimed credit Sunday for the Bowling Green Massacre, which was first revealed last week by Trump adviser Kellyanne Conway. “The martyrs of Bowling Green remain hidden no more,” an al Qaeda spokesman said in a released statement. “Let the blood of the dead flowing through the streets...
The U.S. nuclear arsenal has gone on emergency lockdown after President Donald Trump mistakenly tweeted the nuclear launch codes during a twitter fight with a Jordanian troll. Trump appeared to mistakenly believe the troll, whose Twitter handle is @KingofJordan69, was in fact King Abdullah II, the Kingdom’s monarch. After @KingofJordan69, who was later discovered to be a 14-year-old boy from...
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse have arrived in Jerusalem this week for discussions on how exactly they are going to end mankind. Pestilence, War, Famine, and Death have gathered in The King David Hotel and won’t be leaving until things are settled. End of the World groupie, Jim Jane commented, “The guys are just in a really good place...
News agencies across the world begged the international community to supply them with more ISIS-related stock photos. Exasperated at using the same half dozen images again and again with each ISIS-based news story, Fox News reporter Samuel Swan explained the dramatic move; “It becomes so hard to peddle our agenda of fear and division when we keep on having to recycle...
The ISIS-affiliated al-Amaq news agency has reported that Donald Trump has been named “recruiter of the month” this January. The statement read, “in recognition of superior recruiting efforts on the part of Donald J. Trump, we present this certificate of appreciation for his contribution to the cause of the Islamic State.” ISIS leaders, recruiters, and foot soldiers alike were stunned...
For a long time, Israel was branded as the ‘startup nation’, but there’s a new contender for the title: Al-Qaeda. Following the creation of ‘the resistance’ in the US as the progressive movement against Donald Trump, the terror group is launching a startup that aims to make the naming of your resistance group much easier. The service provides a various...
A campaign by the Iraqi government to use Facebook to defeat ISIS has proven successful, as millions of social media “Check Ins” to the Iraqi city of Mosul has forced the terrorist group to flee. The breakthrough came after the Iraqi military urged Americans to post on Facebook claiming to be in Mosul in order to frighten and confuse ISIS...
NAJRAN – Topless Kalashnikov-wielding militants patrol the streets, searching for pockets of resistance, while other units distribute food and water to thousands of refugees streaming into the fledgling ‘Islamo-feminist Caliphate of Pussirabia’ (‘Kussirabia’ in Arabic). Najran District was an ideal target, says Al-Kus Brigades General Aisha Al-Mahbala. “It’s fertile, and adjacent to Yemen; we have an alliance with the Shi’ite...
Sources have confirmed that Israel will apply for NATO membership later this week, “just to see the look on people’s faces.” We caught up with the playful Zionist troublemaker, as it was preparing the documentation and sipping cocktails at its seaside retreat outside of Tel Aviv. Israel commented, “I’ve got to be honest, with this ceasefire holding with the Palestinians, I’m...
WASHINGTON D.C. — With just days left in office, President Obama has reversed course on one of his major policies, deciding to intervene decisively against President Bashar al Assad after the Syrian leader passed a controversial “bathroom bill.” The law, vehemently opposed by Democrats and the Obama administration, would require Syrians to use the bathroom based on the gender listed...
After an intense, and sometimes hostile comments exchange, Jason Silverstein and Shlomo Horowitz, two liberal Jews from Long Island, claim to have solved most final status issues at the center of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. Negotiations started when Jason posted a status on Facebook, berating Secretary of State John Kerry’s speech on Mideast peace. Shlomo, a liberal whose closest experience with...
