Donald Trump Clinches “Islamic State Recruiter of the Month”

By The White House [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

The ISIS-affiliated al-Amaq news agency has reported that Donald Trump has been named “recruiter of the month” this January. The statement read, “in recognition of superior recruiting efforts on the part of Donald J. Trump, we present this certificate of appreciation for his contribution to the cause of the Islamic State.”

ISIS leaders, recruiters, and foot soldiers alike were stunned on Friday when Trump signed the Executive Order temporarily restricting immigration and refugees from seven countries. One ISIS soldier said, “I mean, holy crap, it took Obama a few years to get this recognition, Donald Trump won it on like his fifth day in office.”

The previous front runner for the January prize, Rafik Abad was disappointed, having been so close to finishing out the month and earning the award but said, “gotta give credit where credit is due, President Trump did an outstanding job”.

Donald Trump is the third President of the United States to win the award. The two previous were Barack Obama and George W. Bush. Islamic State clarified that “although the Islamic State wasn’t around when Bush was president, we owe a lot to him and so he received an honorary distinction”.

The White House could not be reached for comment on Twitter Direct Message.