Following a successful vaccine rollout, Israel is finally beginning to reopen and ‘get back to normal’. At the same time, the state is attempting to maintain a balance to stave off future lockdowns. While many countries across the globe struggle to create a new social contract for our collective new reality, it seems Israel has a blueprint at hand. “We...
Israel’s High Court has declared annexation of the West Bank as ‘unconstitutional’, thus potentially putting a stopper in Netanyahu’s despotic pursuits. However, never one to be deterred by minor rules, such as international law, the Prime Minister took a bold stance against the ruling, claiming that annexation is not “illegal”, it’s merely “socially distant from the law”. Much like his...
With Israel leading the world in coronavirus vaccination rates, the United Nations General Assembly has passed a resolution condemning Israel for its ongoing genocide against COVID-19 virions. “The illegal apartheid state of ‘Israel’ is once again committing crimes against humanity, ethnically cleansing innocent coronavirus particles from their homes in the human body,” the resolution states. “We call on the occupation...
Mansour Abbas, the leader of the United Arab List, an Islamist, and now a potential kingmaker in the coalition-building process, has agreed to support Prime Minister Benjamin ‘Bibi’ Netanyahu under one condition: Netanyahu must publicly acknowledge that neither falafel or hummus are ‘Israeli’ foods. Abbas says he will support whichever candidate is willing to stand in front of the Knesset...
*Updated 24 March 2021 Following last year’s impact of an asteroid comprised of weapons-grade uranium infused with mustard gas and smallpox, it seemed that everything in the world changed overnight. As the world emerges from the ashes there seems to be only one relic of history still in place – Benjamin ‘Bibi’ Netanyahu remains Israel’s Prime Minister. According to...
The use of“digital methods” by the Israeli government are still being used to stem the tide of Covid-19 infections and with it, a trove of new information continues to be made available to the Israeli security services. In the now-extended nationwide third lockdown, they have begun to draw some conclusions, and some of them have surprised Shin Bet agents in...
Citing server problems and widespread user ignorance, Facebook Tsar Mark Zuckerberg is reportedly contemplating a ‘total ban’ on anything related to the polarizing Israeli-Palestinian Conflict. “Look, I’m a billionaire genius and I didn’t build this social media platform for Israelis and Palestinians to hate-post or upload fake news as if they’re all suffering from OCD, and certainly not for a bunch...
The Mideast Beast has learned that New York Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez backed out of an event honoring former Palestinian Liberation Organization chairman Yasser Arafat after one of the representative’s Twitter followers pointed out that Arafat had visited and negotiated with Israel. Ocasio-Cortez was set to attend Jewish Voice for Peace’s Yom Kippur brunch, which will be held on Monday to...
In a touching sign of support for the always-embattled nation, and with clear indications of “something just being a bit wrong with them” tourists are still flocking to Israel. Whether it’s to enjoy the rocket filled skies in the south or the all-year-long seething religious tension in Jerusalem, there is something for everyone’s budget. Tour operator David Binglebloom said “surprisingly,...
If there is one thing Israelis (original or transplant) feel more passionately about than Israel, it’s people criticizing or complaining about Israel. It appears that the online community of Israel is so effective at overreacting that they don’t even have to read the articles to mobilize their indignation. Often times a mere whiff of a headline that mentions Israel not...
Leaders of Hamas’ armed military wing announced this week that its engineers had produced a new type of rocket with a maximum range of about 500 meters capable of reaching the Gaza Strip’s Hamas and United Nations-run schools. One Hamas commander, Mahmoud Al-Tahabri, emphasized that in the past Hamas had tried to extend the range of its rockets to reach...
A drive to advance weapons design to the leading edge has backfired on the Israel Defense Force (IDF) as various pieces of equipment have become self aware and developed an overwhelming desire to see Iron Dome, Israel’s missile defense system, “brought down a peg or two”. A Mekarva IV tank from Jerusalem complained, “here I am busting a track to keep...
Today, incumbent Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu made a statement directed at his electorate on the topic of his possible reelection. While most news agencies were focused on the Prime Minister’s apparent renege on his previous commitment to a two state solution with the Palestinians, we were more interested in something he alluded to later on. “I find that the best...
HAIFA- Engineers at the Technion (Israel Institute of Technology), have announced their intention to solve one of the greatest hurdles to everyday travel by jetpack. With the popularity of Iron Man and the Marvel Cinematic Universe, an increasing number of individuals and companies have attempted to build working jetpacks. But regardless of their fuel efficiency, potential speed, or likelihood of...
“Just think about all of the things Israel does, and you’ll know how to feel about the state!” Interestingly, this claim could have been made by either side of the “Israel is great v. Israel is terrible” debate. Pro-Israel activists and anti-Israel activists disagree on nearly every point, interpreting every fact as supporting their position over that of their rivals’....
Despite vocal opposition to Israeli control over the West Bank, most Israeli Jews who outwardly express support for a Palestinian state actually think it would be a disaster, according to a report by a Tel Aviv-based think tank. The findings are based on a poll conducted by the Israel Democracy Center among 2,000 self-described ‘Liberal’ Zionists in Israel. “We want...
It’s official. Tel Aviv, one of the most liberal cities in the world, and hands down the most gay-friendly city in the Middle East and one of the most gay-friendly cities in the entire world, now contains a majority of gay citizens. At a press conference, TLV-Gay leader Yossi Dingle said, “It’s true that we’ve made huge strides in bringing about more gay rights and...
“I’m frankly a bit disappointed in myself,” sighed Ms. Berkman. “As a BSU sorority sophomore I should be expected to keep the alcohol fueled orgy going the full 10 days of the trip. I think the weather got to me.” Becca Berkman, 20, is a second year student and chairman of Kinda Jewish Sorta Supporting Israel Student Association at Big...
In a move it insists is not aimed at antagonizing President Obama, nor the recent “massive spike in violence”, the Israeli government has approved 400 new settlement units in South Chicago. Those settlements will span Obama’s home and the neighborhoods in which the president once worked as a community organizer. Several public housing apartment buildings in Chicago’s Roseland and West...
Seth Finklebaumstein, a 19-year-old sophomore at Duke University, returned home from his ‘Birthright’ Israel experience this summer still a virgin, sources say. “Well, I was disappointed to say the least,” the fraternity brother explained. While there have been previous rumors of participants not hooking up, Mr. Finklebaumstein is the first confirmed case. The ‘Birthright’ experience is a free, 10-day trip...
