Following last week’s impact of an asteroid comprised of weapons-grade uranium infused with mustard gas and smallpox, it seemed that everything in the world changed overnight. As the world emerges from the ashes there seems to be only one relic of history still in place – Benjamin ‘Bibi’ Netanyahu will form yet another Israeli government.
According to the celebrity academic Yuval Noah Harrari the world has completely changed overnight. “New York, London, and Tokyo are underwater, most internationally recognized states don’t exist any longer, at least two-thirds of the world’s population has perished, and survivors are openly admitting they enjoy listening to Nickelback.”
Meanwhile in Jerusalem, the asteroid has helped end a stalemate in Israeli politics. After over a year of Netanyahu ruling over a transition government, all opposing lawmakers that survived the attack united in support of Bibi. “You don’t switch a Prime Minister ever, sorry I mean in a time of a global catastrophe, like an asteroid slamming into the planet,” said Benny Gantz, who until a week ago was Netanyahu’s chief rival. To thank Gantz for his support, Netanyahu has promised to make the former IDF Chief of Staff the new Minister of Tourism.
Amazingly, Mahmoud Abbas is still alive, and serving his 15th year of a four-year term as Chairman of the Palestinian Authority.