TEL AVIV – Israeli warplanes have reportedly gate crashed the ongoing Saudi coalition against Shia Houthi insurgents threatening the Yemeni Government. Colonel Yossi Fluffer, Head of Aerial Ass Kicking with the Israeli Air Force commented; “We are just sick of people bombing Muslims without letting us have a go first. The guys have been pretty out of sorts since the Syrian...
Hidden away in the budget just sent to Congress by the Obama Administration is a proposal to cut military aid to Israel. The budget states that the US could save billions of dollars by reducing aid to the Jewish State that could then be used on shiny new toys like the F35 Joint Strike Fighter. Ironically, this comes at a time...
Following the success of the Ice Bucket Challenge in aid of ALS, Hamas and the IDF have been moved to create their very own charity fundraising scheme. Saul Starstein, Director of Giving for the IDF explained more. “We all accept that our media profile is really not that great. Now’s not the time to get into the blame game of...
Everyone knows that Mecca is the holiest city in Islam. Fewer people know that the second holiest city for Muslims is Medina. Similarly, everyone knows that San Francisco is the holiest city in the world for homosexuals. However, for decades, homosexuality has lacked a second-holiest site. But that all changed this week, when homosexual clerics officially declared Tel Aviv to...
Following a recent low profile trip to Israel, and following in the footsteps of other celebrities, sources close to rapper Marshall Mathers, better known by his stage name “Eminem,” say he may be planning to convert to Judaism. “I really thought I was being original with the whole white anger thing, and constantly complaining about my mother and then feeling guilty...
German chancellor Angela Merkel has been mounting pressure on Israel to take the Egyptian government to court over its historical enslavement of the Jewish people and sue for reparations. Speaking from Berlin, Merkel said, “The time has come. We’re experts over here at paying for Germany’s occasional errors so we feel it’s only right that Israel follows our lead.” Outlining ideas...
Still giddy over Obama’s nuclear deal with Iran, Vice President Joseph Biden was more animated than usual when he met recently with Israeli military leaders over future funding of the Iron Dome air defense system. “The iron deal and Iran dome agreements are good for both our countries.” Famous for public gaffes, blunders and sticking his foot (shoe size 10...
The United Nations Security Council (UNSC) passed a resolution earlier today stating that any and all Israeli military action constitutes war crimes. What separates this resolution from the overwhelming number of resolutions already condemning the Jewish State is that it appears to be all encompassing. “In case anyone hasn’t noticed, we just waste so much of our time singling out...
Living in Israel, it’s easy to forget how good you have it. It’s only when real tragedies occur in other countries and dominate the media that you realize everything you’ve been taking for granted. I had this realization this week, as my Facebook newsfeed was littered with disaster stories from half way around the world. Families torn apart. Lives turned...
Full-time Prime Minister and part-time Banana Republic ‘Seniors’ model, Benjamin ‘Bibi’ Netanyahu was accused by his peers at the United Nations a few months ago of ‘just never being bloody satisfied.’ “Will he just give it a rest for a day,” complained Ban Ki-moon in a rare moment of candour. “We’ve got every man and his dog dropping explosives on ISIS,...
One American journalist has won the coveted Pulitzer Prize for online journalism, presented by the prestigious Columbia University, for his investigative work uncovering a major conspiracy among satirical news sites: “the stories are not true!” read his final conclusions. The work that won him the Pulitzer Prize debunked a satirical article published by The Mideast Beast (TMB) about Eminem converting to Judaism and...
Ever since last summer’s armed conflict between Israel and Gazan combatants, Israel continues to lose the media war. A representative from the Defense Ministry’s Department of Mentally Challenged PR said, “It’s unfortunate that the Pro-Palestinian camp has such good looking supporters. People like Mark Ruffalo, Javier Barden, and Penelope Cruz have all come out in support of the Palestinian cause. Then again, they...
Tuesday marked the day that Prime Minister Netanyahu officially joined the ranks of America’s most maligned inhabitants: Congressional Representatives. These beings, who according to myths of old, are put in office to make laws, are usually old, out-of-touch, and old. Why Netanyahu wants so badly to rub elbows with these pathetic souls is a mystery, but the fact remains that he...
Israel’s Head of Military Operations, Tomer Shalom, admitted today that the Iron Dome, Israel’s air defense system, has officially run out of funding and is now selling its naming rights to make up for the seriously-fucking-insane monetary losses suffered during the recent war. It is understood that the two strongest contenders are currently WAZE and Electra, both of which promise to...
