Entertainment

Iran Enlists the Help of 50 Cent and Diddy to Spend $400 million
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Iran Enlists the Help of 50 Cent and Diddy to Spend $400 million

The Iranian government, having recently received a $400 million payment from the American government which was definitely not a ransom payment, has enlisted rappers 50 Cent and Diddy for advice on the best way to spend the money. “Since the money was already in cash and in relatively small denominations, they suggested that we ‘hit up the strip club’ and...

ISIS Threatens U.S. with Game of Thrones Spoilers
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ISIS Threatens U.S. with Game of Thrones Spoilers

In a terrifying new strategy aimed at escalating its war against the West, ISIS announced that it will inundate Americans with Game of Thrones spoilers next season unless the U.S. withdraws completely from the Middle East. “All the infidel drones and war planes in the world cannot change the fact that the Caliphate is seven hours ahead of the East...

Bernie Bros Look to Game of Thrones to Find Appropriate Punishment for Debbie Wasserman Schultz
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Bernie Bros Look to Game of Thrones to Find Appropriate Punishment for Debbie Wasserman Schultz

Outgoing Democratic National Committee Chairwoman and cup of undercooked Ramen noodles Debbie Wasserman Schultz has been heavily criticized after wikileaks published proof that she and the DNC undermined Bernie Sanders’ presidential campaign. After Wasserman Schultz announced her resignation, Bernie’s campaign manager Jeff Weaver told reporters that “Today the voices of Bernie Sanders supporters have been heard. It’s hard to miss...

Kim Kardashian Becomes World’s Foremost Investigative Journalist, US Govt. Quakes in Fear
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Kim Kardashian Becomes World’s Foremost Investigative Journalist, US Govt. Quakes in Fear

HOLLYWOOD, CA — 2016 has been a year of political turmoil, terrorism, and unexpected Brexits, but perhaps the most shocking development yet came on Sunday evening when Kim Kardashian-West became the world’s foremost investigative journalist. Kardashian-West, previously best known for being attached to an amazing, albeit a gi-fucking-gantic ass (her own) and an awful one (her husband Kanye West) released...

Western World Shocked by Islamist Belief that Radiohead is Still Relevant
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Western World Shocked by Islamist Belief that Radiohead is Still Relevant

After radical Islamists attacked a Radiohead listening party in Istanbul last Friday, the Western world has begun to awaken to the shocking fact that many Islamists still care about Radiohead. “Until Friday’s attack, I was under the impression that radical Islam could be controlled,” President Obama admitted in a press conference following Friday’s attack by Islamists in Turkey’s largest city....

Are You up for the ‘Iron Dome’ Challenge?
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Are You up for the ‘Iron Dome’ Challenge?

Following the success of the Ice Bucket Challenge in aid of ALS, Hamas and the IDF have been moved to create their very own charity fundraising scheme. Saul Starstein, Director of Giving for the IDF explained more. “We all accept that our media profile is really not that great. Now’s not the time to get into the blame game of...