Entertainment

Jussie Smollett Attacked by Biden Supporters
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Jussie Smollett Attacked by Biden Supporters

Actor Jussie Smollett has once again been attacked, this time by angry supporters of newly-inaugurated President Joe Biden. Smollett said he was walking back to his hotel in Oklahoma City Wednesday afternoon when a group of men in pink pussy hats approached him. Shouting, “This is Biden country,” the men spilled their soy chai lattes on the actor and stole...

The Mideast Beast to Begin Covering Real News
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The Mideast Beast to Begin Covering Real News

The Mideast Beast, a satirical news source, has confirmed that they will begin to focus on reporting real news.  This comes at a time when real news, fake news, and satire are becoming less and less distinguishable. There have always been some that think satire is real and real news is fake, but recently the number of people unable to...

Alec Baldwin’s Wife Habeeba Opens Up About Arab Heritage
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Alec Baldwin’s Wife Habeeba Opens Up About Arab Heritage

Habeeba Baldwin, the wife of actor Alec Baldwin, has recently opened up about her Arab heritage and the difficulties adjusting to life in the West. Habeeba, who told The Mideast Beast that she misses her home country of Agrabah every day, says she frequently struggles both with the English language and with American norms. “Yesterday I looked out the window...

Biden Launches OnlyFans Account to Pay Off National Debt
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Biden Launches OnlyFans Account to Pay Off National Debt

Looking for new sources of revenue to counteract trillions in Covid-related stimulus spending, President-elect Joe Biden has joined OnlyFans and plans to offer followers exclusive access to risqué content for $50 a month. Biden said he first learned about the site from former congressman Anthony Weiner, who reached out to Biden asking to borrow $120 to follow porn star Riley...

Netflix Announces House of Saud Spin-Off of The Crown
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Netflix Announces House of Saud Spin-Off of The Crown

After receiving reviews that their depiction of the British royal family is “somewhat tedious and dull,” the team behind The Crown announced a new spinoff version of the show following the exploits of the House of Saud. This version is sure to have far fewer boring political scenes, as the royal leaders only turn to two sources for advice: themselves...

Gal Gadot to Play Muhammad in Upcoming Biopic

Gal Gadot to Play Muhammad in Upcoming Biopic

In a decision that has angered both Muslims and western liberals, Israeli actress Gal Gadot has been cast to play the Islamic prophet Muhammad in an upcoming film about the founder of Islam’s life. The ‘Wonder Woman’ star and Israel native will don a fake beard to play the lead role in ‘From Medina to Mecca: One Man’s Journey to...

CNN to Move Headquarters Somewhere Freer, Like Saudi Arabia
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CNN to Move Headquarters Somewhere Freer, Like Saudi Arabia

After months of unrest and riots across American cities led to journalists being arrested and threatened, CNN announced they may be moving their headquarters to the Middle East “We are trying to move somewhere with more freedom of press,” said a spokesperson of the news network. “So far the candidates are Riyadh, Kabul, and Tehran. However, due to unexpected cuts,...

Muslim Brotherhood Discourages Premarital Sex With Recording of Ben Shapiro Reading WAP Lyrics
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Muslim Brotherhood Discourages Premarital Sex With Recording of Ben Shapiro Reading WAP Lyrics

The Muslim Brotherhood were terrified this week when their fears of Western media promoting female sexual autonomy coincided with WAP, the catchiest song in a decade released by known infidels Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion. Although The Brotherhood worried that WAP’s unbelievably entertaining bass sample of “There’s some hoes in this house” would undo all of their anti-premarital sex...

Trump: Was Lebanon Even in Miss Universe?
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Trump: Was Lebanon Even in Miss Universe?

As countries around the world continue to mourn for Lebanon following two devastating explosions on 4 August, and as they continue to do what all countries should do which is donate, Trump remained steadfast in his convictions to never help others especially if their Miss Universe contestant was forgettable. While other countries were quick to express their sorrow and grief,...

BDS Boycotts Yosemite Sam
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BDS Boycotts Yosemite Sam

After years of pretending that his name was pronounced “Yo-sem-i-tee”, Yosemite Sam was finally exposed to the public by real-life cartoon villain President Trump for actually being a “yo-semite”. In swift retaliation against Mr Sam’s “sneaky” practices, the Boycott, Divestment, Sanctions (BDS) movement called for a boycott against Yosemite Sam, and all other Looney Tunes affiliates, because not only are...

BDS: ‘Fine, You Can Watch Fauda’
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BDS: ‘Fine, You Can Watch Fauda’

The leadership of the Boycott, Divestment, and Sanctions (BDS) movement announced that even if you are dedicated to the destruction of Israel, it is permitted to watch Fauda. The decision was announced along with other allowances such as permission to use any Israeli-made vaccines for the virus, after they decided that its members were probably going to watch it anyway....

Assad Names Ellen DeGeneres Interior Minister
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Assad Names Ellen DeGeneres Interior Minister

Looking to crush the last bit of resistance to his continued rule, Syrian strongman Bashar al-Assad has brought on talk show host Ellen DeGeneres as interior minister to keep the country’s Sunni majority in line. Assad made the appointment after reading about the strong hand DeGeneres took towards staff on her TV show. “I need someone who will rule with...

Israel Cracks Down on Marijuana to Get Back at Seth Rogen
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Israel Cracks Down on Marijuana to Get Back at Seth Rogen

In response to criticism by Jewish-Canadian actor Seth Rogen, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu announced that anti-marijuana laws will be enforced more strictly with harsher prison sentences. New prison sentences for marijuana possession will vary from a minimum of one month to a maximum of however long ‘Green Hornet’ feels like. The move was described by experts as the “biggest...

Seth Rogen, Ahmadinejad to Costar in Stoner Terrorist Comedy
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Seth Rogen, Ahmadinejad to Costar in Stoner Terrorist Comedy

Actor and comedian Seth Rogen will team up with former Iranian President and die-hard Tupac fan Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in a comedy about the duo’s marijuana-filled attempt to launch a terrorist attack on Israel, Point Grey Pictures announced. Ahmadinejad will play himself in the film, as he looks to cap off his career of public service with a devastating suicide bombing...

The Hagia Sophia to Reopen as a Disney World
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The Hagia Sophia to Reopen as a Disney World

This week the CEO of the only globalist organization Trump hasn’t pulled out of, Disney World, reopened its parks during a surge of infections. Similarly controversially, Turkish President Erdogan decided to revert the Hagia Sophia into a mosque because, as it turns out, a pandemic is boring without a backdrop of sectarian violence. However, both leaders quickly realized that these...

Syrian Kurdish Women Fighters Release Exotic Lesbian Orgy Video on Pornhub
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Syrian Kurdish Women Fighters Release Exotic Lesbian Orgy Video on Pornhub

In what has been described as a daring PR stunt, women fighters in Syrian Kurdistan have produced a 15-minute pornographic video of an alien-themed Sapphic six-way. “We simply weren’t getting appropriate media attention by combating ISIS through a historical tradition of disciplined military training,” said Berdil Baran, a lieutenant of the Women’s Protection Unit (YPJ) in an interview. “Really, we’re...