Entertainment

50 Cent to Headline Saudi Arabia’s First Gay Pride Parade to Pay Off Debt

50 Cent to Headline Saudi Arabia’s First Gay Pride Parade to Pay Off Debt

LOS ANGELES — 50 Cent has reached a bankruptcy deal that will require him to pay out $23 million to his creditors over the next five years. In order to help pay that debt, he has confirmed that he will be performing in the first-ever gay pride festival in Saudi Arabia, despite his long history of anti-gay comments, such as (and including remarkable grammar skills, “If you [are] a man and your [sic] over 25 and you don’t eat pu**y...

As Pokémon GO Wreaks Havoc Across U.S., CIA Confirms Iran is Behind the Game

As Pokémon GO Wreaks Havoc Across U.S., CIA Confirms Iran is Behind the Game

QUANTICO — For years, Americans have been told to fear the looming monster of a nuclear Iran, and so we have.  But, in a classic M. Night Shyamalan twist, the real monsters were in our pockets all along.  Pocket Monsters ‘Pokémon,’ as they’re called on the street, have begun to pop up across the United States thanks to the new mobile game, ‘Pokémon Go.’  Americans have begun to wander, without any discernable concern for their wellbeing, around their cities and...

Western World Shocked by Islamist Belief that Radiohead is Still Relevant

Western World Shocked by Islamist Belief that Radiohead is Still Relevant

After radical Islamists attacked a Radiohead listening party in Istanbul last Friday, the Western world has begun to awaken to the shocking fact that many Islamists still care about Radiohead. “Until Friday’s attack, I was under the impression that radical Islam could be controlled,” President Obama admitted in a press conference following Friday’s attack by Islamists in Turkey’s largest city. “It’s now clear, however, that these people are completely detached from civilization and modernity.” RELATED: ISIS Plays Snippet of New Nickelback...

Are You up for the ‘Iron Dome’ Challenge?

Are You up for the ‘Iron Dome’ Challenge?

Following the success of the Ice Bucket Challenge in aid of ALS, Hamas and the IDF have been moved to create their very own charity fundraising scheme. Saul Starstein, Director of Giving for the IDF explained more. “We all accept that our media profile is really not that great. Now’s not the time to get into the blame game of ‘who fired first’…though they totally did. But now we’ve reached across borders to join hands with our recent enemies and bring...

Mideast Leaders to Use Game of Thrones Strategies for Peace Initiative during Month of Fast

Mideast Leaders to Use Game of Thrones Strategies for Peace Initiative during Month of Fast

As chaos and civil war continues to grow in the Middle East, Middle Eastern leaders have gathered in honor of Ramadan, in attempt to restore order and quell tensions during the holy month. “By following the last four episodes of GOT Season 6, which Allah has so generously brought forth to us to coincide with our holy month, we will surely be able to work less and pray more as we effectively impose the show’s strategies on our people.” Beginning...