Entertainment

DJ Khaled’s Anti-Oral Statement Really Confuses Feminists
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DJ Khaled’s Anti-Oral Statement Really Confuses Feminists

A recently resurfaced interview from 2015 with hip-hop mogul DJ Khaled has sent shockwaves through the feminist community, particularly with organizers of the Women’s March who are convinced that all Arab men honor and respect their wives. Khaled, still not entirely sure why reciprocity in a relationship means performing oral sex, stands by his statement that “there are different rules for...

ISIS Leader Faces Backlash After ‘Caliphate Correspondents’ Dinner’ Roast
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ISIS Leader Faces Backlash After ‘Caliphate Correspondents’ Dinner’ Roast

ISIS Caliph Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi has drawn criticism from across the political spectrum for his performance at the annual Caliphate Correspondents’ Dinner, with many observers calling his speech offensive. Baghdadi’s performance began well, with jokes about his terror group’s diminishing territory. “I know things haven’t been going so well for us recently,” Baghdadi acknowledged. “Even Toys R Us called us to...

Natalie Portman Joins BDS, Boycotts Herself
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Natalie Portman Joins BDS, Boycotts Herself

Saying that she has finally come around to support the cultural boycott of Israel, Jerusalem-born actress Natalie Portman is reportedly urging fans not to watch any of her movies. The actress, who last week cancelled a trip to Israel in response to the recent conflict on the Gaza border, has gone to great lengths to make sure none of her...

Saudi Arabia Planning Least Exciting Resort Ever

Saudi Arabia Planning Least Exciting Resort Ever

The Saudi Arabian government has admitted to being disappointed at the public reaction to its plans for a new tourist resort on islands in the Red Sea. One blogger commented, “So what you’re saying is it will be like lying on a beach in Dubai but without the two-for-one cocktail hour. Or like lying on the beach in Tel Aviv...

The Hummus Fight (New Video!)

The Hummus Fight (New Video!)

In the long-awaited sequel to ‘I’m Palestinian, My Roommate is Jewish’, roommates Sammy Obeid and Toby Muresianu have a hummus battle to decided to decide whose hummus is the best: Israel’s or Palestine’s. Who will emerge victorious, and who do you think invented hummus? Click here to watch the video:...

ISIS Further Decimated by ‘Tide Pod Challenge’
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ISIS Further Decimated by ‘Tide Pod Challenge’

Already reeling after losing nearly all its territory in clashes with Iraqi forces, ISIS has been dealt another blow after half the terror group’s soldiers died attempting the “Tide Pod Challenge.” The devastation struck after a group of young jihadis were killing time on patrol in the town of Abu Kamel, Syria and came across a video issuing the challenge...

Dave Matthews Immigrates to Israel
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Dave Matthews Immigrates to Israel

TEL AVIV — In a surprise move, legendary musician Dave Matthews has decided to immigrate to Israel.  In an interview with Yonit Levy, the musician said, “This was a difficult choice for me, but this seems like the right time to be with my people.”  Mr. Matthews will move to Tel Aviv by year’s end. Mr. Matthew’s publicist elaborated on...

President Trump May Join TMB Writing Team
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President Trump May Join TMB Writing Team

Estimates that Trump will have made a record 2000 false claims during his first year as POTUS have prompted the editors of The Mideast Beast to offer him a part-time position on TMB’s writing team. According to Reuters, Trump was the ultimate source of fake news this past year, and consequently should be targeting himself in his attempts to eliminate...

James Zogby Blasts Iranian Protestors for Distracting Attention from Rachael Ray’s ‘Genocide’
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James Zogby Blasts Iranian Protestors for Distracting Attention from Rachael Ray’s ‘Genocide’

Calling demonstrators taking to the street against the Iranian regime “whiny prima donnas,” Arab American Institute President James Zogby demanded protests end so attention could turn back to chef Rachael Ray’s culinary tweets. “Instead of complaining about 38 years of corrupt, theocratic rule by dictators who use murder, rape and torture to silence dissidents, these Iranian snowflakes need to let...

Israeli and Palestinian Officials Re-enact ‘The Hangover’ Movies for Peacebuilding Initiative
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Israeli and Palestinian Officials Re-enact ‘The Hangover’ Movies for Peacebuilding Initiative

Israeli and Palestinian officials are undertaking new peacebuilding exercises modeled on The Hangover movies as part of a initiative to restart peace talks. “Camp David didn’t produce the breakthrough we wanted. So, we’ve ditched the presidential country retreat and opted for some epic action in Vegas and Bangkok instead. At least when these efforts spectacularly backfire we’ll have had a...

ISIS to Suspend UK Attacks to Honor Prince Harry’s Engagement
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ISIS to Suspend UK Attacks to Honor Prince Harry’s Engagement

ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi has revealed that his organization will suspend all planned attacks on the UK to honor Prince Harry’s engagement to his new fiancée , American actress Meghan Markle. “Monarchy is so irrational, but I can’t help but buy into it. The castles, the crowns, the princesses. I just love it. When it comes to the British...

TMB Writers Increasingly Frustrated by Competition from Reality
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TMB Writers Increasingly Frustrated by Competition from Reality

Reporters from The Mideast Beast have reported that they find it increasingly difficult to satirize current events given how insane everything has become. One writer explained, “How the hell are we supposed to compete with reality? I mean, it’s reaching batshit crazy level. I watch CNN and President Trump is getting into a Twitter war with Kim Jong Un, while...

ISIS Leader Alleges: “Harvey Weinstein Touched Me”
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ISIS Leader Alleges: “Harvey Weinstein Touched Me”

In an exclusive interview with The Mideast Beast, a tearful Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of ISIS, has allegedly claimed that Harvey Weinstein touched him inappropriately. This comes amidst a new wave of accusations against the powerful Hollywood producer. The account provided by al-Baghdadi was harrowing: “He invited me into his office to talk about a biopic of my life....

Al Qaeda Leader Blasts ISIS in New Memoir
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Al Qaeda Leader Blasts ISIS in New Memoir

Saying that Islamic State caused “lasting damage” to the global jihadi movement, al Qaeda chief Ayman al-Zawahiri has unloaded on his ISIS counterparts in a new memoir. “Everything that we did, ISIS just kept trying to one-up us,” Zawahiri complains in the book. “We proposed declaring a caliphate once we unite the lands of Islam, and they said ‘Well, we’ll...

ISIS Leader to Pose in Swimsuit for Vogue Magazine
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ISIS Leader to Pose in Swimsuit for Vogue Magazine

In a photo shoot that supporters of the ISIS leader have called inspirational, ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi will appear on the cover of Vogue magazine wearing only a tight black speedo and hot pink bikini. “I’m still alive and I am beautiful!” the Caliph wrote in a Tweet accompanying the picture, which showed him in stunning two-piece. The spread...