Rube Silverhill

 

Hamas Frustrated It Continues to Receive World Sympathy
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Hamas Frustrated It Continues to Receive World Sympathy

Hamas has grown frustrated in recent months over its inability to convince the world that it is, indeed, a terrorist organization. “The Hamas brand just isn’t sexy anymore,” explained a Hamas member wearing an ‘I Heart Terror’ t-shirt. “Look at other successful terrorist organizations; all of them are unilaterally recognized as evil, terrible. In the name of Allah, what do...

Man Changes Position on Israeli-Palestinian Conflict after Reading Facebook Comments
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Man Changes Position on Israeli-Palestinian Conflict after Reading Facebook Comments

Former Zionist, Josh Liebowitzstein shocked family and friends this week when he announced that he’s changing his position on Israel. The decision came after reading several Facebook comments on an otherwise innocuous post about startups in Tel Aviv. The Mideast Beast caught up with Mr Liebowitzstein to elaborate on the decision. “Social media is a great place to start a conversation...

Deal Reached: Next War Will Be Fought Exclusively on Social Media
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Deal Reached: Next War Will Be Fought Exclusively on Social Media

As indirect negotiations between Israel and Hamas continue, we have received confirmed reports that the two sides have come to one agreement: the next war will be fought exclusively on social media platforms. “This is the direction we see modern warfare moving,” explained a senior IDF officer. “Over the past several years, our tactics have shifted to include more blogging...

Jewish and Arab Extremists Bond Over Destruction of Coexistence Symbols
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Jewish and Arab Extremists Bond Over Destruction of Coexistence Symbols

As tensions in Israel continue to grow, an unlikely bond has developed between Jewish and Arab extremists as they’ve come together to vandalize and destroy Israel’s symbols of coexistence. “It all started one night when I saw a bunch of Jews spray painting ‘Death To Arabs’ on a building,” Mohammed Ayyad, an Arab extremist said. “At first I thought it...

Western Media Confused After Discovering Israel Not Involved in Most Middle East Conflicts
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Western Media Confused After Discovering Israel Not Involved in Most Middle East Conflicts

JERUSALEM — Due to always-escalating tensions in Middle Eastern countries, arriving Western journalists were shocked to discover that the Middle East has a ton of conflicts, and very few are even remotely related to Israel, while some actually have nothing to do with the Jewish State at all. “I always write about the ‘Middle Eastern’ conflict being Israelis vs. Palestinians,...

Islam Just Going Through Rebellious Teenage Years, Father Says
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Islam Just Going Through Rebellious Teenage Years, Father Says

With the rise of groups like al-Qaeda, ISIS and Islamic extremism in general, the religion that gave the world huge advances in the sciences, mathematics, and medicine when it was younger, is now going through some natural growing pains. “Islam is going through a tough time right now,” Abraham, Father of Nations, said, as he poured a stiff glass of...

New ISIS Recruits Shocked to Discover Fellow Jihadists Aren’t Very Friendly

New ISIS Recruits Shocked to Discover Fellow Jihadists Aren’t Very Friendly

Fresh faced ISIS recruits arrived in Syria last week, eagerly awaiting what is sure to be an adventure of a lifetime, pillaging towns, murdering civilians who don’t meet an arbitrary definition of what it means to be Muslim, and of course building bonds and brotherhood with fellow ISIS fighters. As the new recruits joined the ranks, however, some started having...

US Turns to Israel for Help with Racial Profiling
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US Turns to Israel for Help with Racial Profiling

In the wake and aftermath of Ferguson protests, along with a St. Louis area black man being shot by police, and on the heels of the riots in Baltimore, state and federal authorities are scrambling to contain a major problem on their hands: the American public’s lack of acceptance of racial profiling. “This used to be a hell of a lot easier,”...

Dave Matthews Immigrates to Israel
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Dave Matthews Immigrates to Israel

TEL AVIV — In a surprise move, legendary musician Dave Matthews has decided to immigrate to Israel.  In an interview with Yonit Levy, the musician said, “This was a difficult choice for me, but this seems like the right time to be with my people.”  Mr. Matthews will move to Tel Aviv by year’s end. Mr. Matthew’s publicist elaborated on...

Walt Disney’s Epcot Opens ‘Little Israel’
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Walt Disney’s Epcot Opens ‘Little Israel’

ORLANDO, FL — The Happiest Place On Earth just got a little happier, as Disney announced the opening of Little Israel at Epcot Center this past weekend, just in time for Hanukkah and Christmas.  The multinational corporation has carved out some land to represent the Jewish State, providing authentic cultural experiences all staffed by out-of-your-league chicks rocking casually slung assault...

‘Birthright’ Student Returns Home…Still a Virgin
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‘Birthright’ Student Returns Home…Still a Virgin

Seth Finklebaumstein, a 19-year-old sophomore at Duke University, returned home from his ‘Birthright’ Israel experience this summer still a virgin, sources say. “Well, I was disappointed to say the least,” the fraternity brother explained. While there have been previous rumors of participants not hooking up, Mr. Finklebaumstein is the first confirmed case. The ‘Birthright’ experience is a free, 10-day trip...

The Mideast Beast’s Top 10 Key Steps To a High Startup Valuation

The Mideast Beast’s Top 10 Key Steps To a High Startup Valuation

With all the exciting activity going on in the start up world, The Mideast Beast wanted to provide some practical guidance to aspiring entrepreneurs who want to maximize the value of their startup. (We are, after all, the self-proclaimed experts in business journalism.) To do this we compiled a list of actionable tips from prominent serial entrepreneurs, angel investors, and venture...

Establishment Fires Back after Trump Calls for Complete Shutdown of Dicks Entering the U.S.
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Establishment Fires Back after Trump Calls for Complete Shutdown of Dicks Entering the U.S.

Quoting security concerns from the surge of Syrian refugees, Donald Trump issued a statement calling for the immediate ban of dicks entering the United States. In a town hall event, Trump stated, “If you look at the terror attacks that have happened both at home and abroad, there’s only one group responsible: dicks.  We need to screen for dicks and not let...

Rubio Offers to Support Israel with “Fleet of Mindless Drones”
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Rubio Offers to Support Israel with “Fleet of Mindless Drones”

Following recent negotiations on a military aid package, presidential candidate Marco Rubio pledged to maintain Israel’s technological superiority by proposing a plan to supply the country with a fleet of drones. “If elected President, I would ensure Israel maintains its technological advantages and has access to plenty of drones,” Mr. Rubio stated in a scripted press conference.  “I know, deeply,...

Taylor Swift’s New Album Rumored to Be about Israeli Prime Minister
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Taylor Swift’s New Album Rumored to Be about Israeli Prime Minister

With Taylor Swift’s newest album, 1989, recent rumors have been swirling that the entire album is about Swift’s speculated former romance with Zionist dreamboat, Benjamin ‘Bibi’ Netanyahu. Rumors of the hidden relationship began when the two were separately spotted in New York City, Swifts adopted home, during a United Nations summit. It is speculated that Swift’s most recent song “Welcome...

Netanyahu: “I’m Proof That Well-Funded Incumbents Can Defy Odds, Become Prime Minister”

Netanyahu: “I’m Proof That Well-Funded Incumbents Can Defy Odds, Become Prime Minister”

Still reeling from his landslide victory months ago, Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu hosted a press conference in Jerusalem to address critics of the proposed policies stated during the campaign. While the official purpose of the conference was to clarify his remarks on a two-state solution, staffers widely acknowledged that severe gloating would definitely be a part of the discussion. “Many...