Gary Girth was born in Louisville, Kentucky to the wealthy and infamous Girth family, widely suspected of starting the Great Louisville Mill Fire of 1911. After a tumultuous two-year stint at Harvard, studying pre-law and falconry, he set out unexpectedly across Europe with nothing more than the clothes on his back, a vial of LSD and a limitless credit card. Drawing his inspiration from Ernest Hemmingway, the idyllic European countryside and the potent Swiss psychedelic, he discovered he had a knack for writing and adventure.
While gambling in Turkey, he was nearly murdered by a Hungarian crime syndicate. Miraculously, he managed to escape from Turkey, chronicled in his memoir Escape from Turkey. His travels then took him to Israel, where he, like so many gentiles before him, became embroiled in geopolitics. Shortly thereafter, he began writing for The Mideast Beast. When not writing and adventuring, he spends his time wrestling coyotes, chopping wood and drinking absinthe at his remote Montana estate.
The apparent alliance between Iran, Syria and Russia culminated Friday with the release of a self-titled album ‘New Axis of Evil.’ It features Putin on lead guitar and vocals, Khamenei on bass and backup vocals, and Assad on drums. Khamenei’s ‘Sanction City’ is a bluesy number, with a lot of passion behind it, but it is Putin’s hard rock cover...
As countries throughout the world try to develop an effective strategy for resuming normal operations amidst the COVID-19 Pandemic (Delta-version), the United States continues to be the epicenter for both the disease and the polarization resulting from it. One popular theory is that Americans can reduce their exposure to new diseases and information by keeping within their social “bubble.” Experts...
Every day brings new information about those who are most at risk of serious complications from the coronavirus Delta variant. It was believed that it only negatively affected those over sixty years of age and anyone with heart, respiratory or immune conditions. Nonetheless, new data, which has been collected at various embassies and consulates, suggests that the group most likely...
Tech genius and mental maverick, Elon Musk, has made the news yet again this week with his bold Mideast peace proposal. The first part of the plan involves changing the name of the “Earth nation of Israel” to the more appropriate “G-71X//4.” The second and even more ambitious part of the plan is his proposal to move the capital from...
A well-known podcaster has been arrested after allegedly threatening the controversial U.S. congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio Cortez (D-NY) on Twitter. Two hours after tweeting that AOC was “not his favorite person” due to her comments (and comparisons) on the Israel-Palestine conflict, podcaster Jacob Barns was arrested by plainclothes agents working for the Bureau for the Investigation of Trash-Talking, Curse Words and...
In what the Biden administration and many on the Left are touting as a victory, the Chinese government has agreed to reduce CO2 emissions by 40% by the year 2030. All they asked in return was that they be permitted to continue their ongoing genocide against the Uyghur population in the “autonomous” province of Xinjiang, Western media outlets, such as...
While the International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA) is responsible for inspecting all of Iran’s nuclear sites, the process has proven difficult, especially since the outbreak of COVID-19. What many nuclear inspectors have found surprising is the fact that every single nuclear site is reportedly testing positive for the virus, rendering them impossible to investigate. A chief IAEA nuclear inspector described...
Despite promising to withdraw the majority of the troops stationed in Afghanistan at varying points during his presidency, Trump has ordered thousands of troops to remain in the country, due to increased Taliban presence. While this decision may have had more detractors a few months ago, everyone suddenly seems very supportive of the decision. Most of the troops that The...
Though ISIS has never been linked to a violent attack in the United States, “mostly peaceful” ISIS affiliates have begun demonstrating in cities across the US, including Seattle and Portland, where law enforcement officials have agreed to stand down. Their demands are clear and their strategy effective. Masked protestors dressed in black have been rushing into restaurants en masse to...
The historic peace agreement between Israel and the United Arab Emirates has been hailed as a victory for Israelis, Benjamin Netanyahu, and even Jared Kushner, who was granted a booster seat at the adult table for his adorable participation in the negotiations. Sources have even confirmed that the Prime Minister was seen giving the thirty-nine-year-old an affectionate pat on the...
Though they have been in operation for several years, many in the Western world have only recently learned of the large-scale concentration camps in China, in which millions of Uyghur Muslims are currently detained. There have been accusations of forced labor and even executions. President Trump, upon learning of the camps this week, hopped on Twitter to condemn China…but not...
While swearing in before a testimony has traditionally been done on a copy of the Old or New Testament in the United States, there is no law that requires it. Last week, during the House Judiciary Committee hearing, Democrats insisted Attorney General William Barr swear in on a copy of Robin DiAngelo’s bestselling self-help book, White Fragility. Radical young Congresswoman,...
Last week, US Representative from Minnesota, Ilhan Omar, famous for her anti-Israel position and her weird obsession with someone named Benjamin and everything being about him, shocked the nation when she requested federal aid to deal with the damage and surging violence caused by the protests in Minneapolis. Though he had previously stated that no blue states were going to...
In his new tell-all, The Room Where It Happened, former National Security Advisor John Bolton makes an array of shocking allegations, with information coming from inside the walls of the Trump White House. What has gone uncovered by conventional media, however, is the previously undisclosed assertion that the 2003 invasion of Iraq was, at least on some level, about access...
On Wednesday, Israeli Prime Minister and part-time over-60s J. Crew model, Benjamin Netanyahu, addressed the killing of an autistic Palestinian man, Iyad Halaq, by Israeli police in East Jerusalem. Netanyahu called the killing a tragedy, and apparently it was so difficult that Bibi could not get the words “I’m sorry” out of his mouth nor could he bring himself to...
Democratic leaders and activists around the world have been quick to condemn President Trump’s advocation of extreme force to quell domestic protests regarding the murder of George Floyd at the hands of Minneapolis policemen. Not everyone agrees that Trump is in the wrong, with some world leaders even praising his decisive authoritarianism. Two rock stars of the dictatorial world even...
Despite the COVID-19 pandemic raging on, president Trump has still found the time to pursue his longtime rivalry with former president Barack Obama. This morning he announced that he would be posthumously pardoning the Saudi terrorist leader, Osama Bin Laden, made famous by masterminding the September 11, 2001 attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. One of the...
On Tuesday, US Attorney General and loyal Trump affiliate, William Barr made the shocking announcement that he would not be seeking charges against the bat who allegedly spawned the virus that caused the COVID-19 pandemic. The bat, who did not respond for our request to be interviewed, has previously plead guilty to infecting multiple patients in Wuhan China, the event...
On Friday, it was confirmed that a top Pence aide had tested positive for having the spirit of the lord, Jesus Christ, inside her. While the Vice President claims to have had very little close contact with her – because she’s a female – those close to the VP have allegedly claimed that he has also tested positive for the...
The Great Coronavirus Quarantine of 2020 has had a variety of side effects. Some have been negative, which was to be expected. For example, a rise in unemployment and domestic violence. Others have been positive, like the massive reduction in carbon emissions and increased sales and consumption of medical cannabis. Since the mandatory lockdown began in countries around the world,...
