Gary Girth

Gary Girth was born in Louisville, Kentucky to the wealthy and infamous Girth family, widely suspected of starting the Great Louisville Mill Fire of 1911. After a tumultuous two-year stint at Harvard, studying pre-law and falconry, he set out unexpectedly across Europe with nothing more than the clothes on his back, a vial of LSD and a limitless credit card. Drawing his inspiration from Ernest Hemmingway, the idyllic European countryside and the potent Swiss psychedelic, he discovered he had a knack for writing and adventure.

While gambling in Turkey, he was nearly murdered by a Hungarian crime syndicate. Miraculously, he managed to escape from Turkey, chronicled in his memoir Escape from Turkey. His travels then took him to Israel, where he, like so many gentiles before him, became embroiled in geopolitics. Shortly thereafter, he began writing for The Mideast Beast. When not writing and adventuring, he spends his time wrestling coyotes, chopping wood and drinking absinthe at his remote Montana estate.

 

UN Condemns Iran Missile Tests: “Didn’t Disinfect them First”
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UN Condemns Iran Missile Tests: “Didn’t Disinfect them First”

On Tuesday, Iran launched two more test missiles capable of delivering a nuclear payload.  During a time when most of the world’s attention is focused on the COVID-19 pandemic, many have ignored Iran’s rapidly escalating rhetoric. Israel called upon the UN to condemn the missile tests, which they did because they failed to properly disinfect the missiles before launching them. ...

Sam Harris Discusses ‘Radical Islam’ with COVID-19 Survivor

Sam Harris Discusses ‘Radical Islam’ with COVID-19 Survivor

Intellectual giant, meditation guru and controversial figure, Sam Harris is in the news again following an interview he conducted via zoom conference with an Ohio woman who contracted the coronavirus and lived to tell the tale. Diving right in, he began by questioning her about her knowledge of the social conservatism of British Muslims. “Are you aware that one hundred...

Quarantined Arms Dealers Resorting to DIY Bomb-Making Vlogs
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Quarantined Arms Dealers Resorting to DIY Bomb-Making Vlogs

Every industry, licit or not, has been profoundly impacted by the coronavirus pandemic.  Arms dealers in Yemen and throughout the Arabian Peninsula have even had to change how they go about getting weapons into the hands of terrorists. The Mideast Beast interviewed one successful Saudi weapons mogul, who wished to remain anonymous.  Here’s what he had to say. “We all...

Trump on ISIS: ‘They’ll Go Away by Summertime”

Trump on ISIS: ‘They’ll Go Away by Summertime”

When asked about the ongoing ISIS presence in Syria, President Trump offered a surprisingly optimistic view of the future.  He even went so far as to say that the problem would, like a miracle, get rid of itself by summertime, citing the “beautiful beaches they have over there.” “These guys,” he began, “I mean, they’re tremendous terrorists, really. They’re like...

ISIS Leader Resigns Amid Allegations of Respecting Women

ISIS Leader Resigns Amid Allegations of Respecting Women

ISIS was dealt a crippling political blow on Tuesday when its senior leader, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, resigned amid numerous allegations of respectful treatment of women. One accuser even described him allowing a female hostage to drive a motor vehicle. Another claimed he was known to not only ask, but to wait for consent before engaging in sexual acts. ISIS issued...

Amid Kavanaugh Hearings, Trump Suggests Appointing Darth Vader
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Amid Kavanaugh Hearings, Trump Suggests Appointing Darth Vader

After more women have come forth with allegations of sexual assault and misconduct against Brett Kavanaugh, Trump has doubled down, defending him. On Wednesday, he issued this statement to a baffled room full of reporters. “Sure, maybe he did some bad stuff, in the past, you know? Democrats are ridiculous. I could nominate somebody like Anakin Skywalker and they still...

Assad, Putin and Khamenei to Form Hard Rock Supergroup: ‘New Axis of Evil’

Assad, Putin and Khamenei to Form Hard Rock Supergroup: ‘New Axis of Evil’

The apparent alliance between Iran, Syria and Russia culminated Friday with the release of a self-titled album ‘New Axis of Evil.’  It features Putin on lead guitar and vocals, Khamenei on bass and backup vocals, and Assad on drums. Khamenei’s ‘Sanction City’ is a bluesy number, with a lot of passion behind it, but it is Putin’s hard rock cover...

New U.S. Travel Ban Specifically Targets “Shithole Countries”

New U.S. Travel Ban Specifically Targets “Shithole Countries”

With the so-called ‘Muslim Ban’ being broadly challenged by Federal Courts, President Trump has been busy drafting a new travel ban, barring all people who originate from ‘shithole countries.’ What this means, specifically is not exactly clear. When asked in a press conference about which countries will be targeted he responded, “You know, like Paris, or like France or whatever…they...

Yair Netanyahu to Run for US Senate as Republican

Yair Netanyahu to Run for US Senate as Republican

Following the release of the controversial recordings of Yair Netanyahu boasting of his sexual exploits, as well as his father’s role in orchestrating shady deals with high-profile billionaire Kobi Maimon, Yair Netanyahu has gained support from the traditionally pro-Netanyahu GOP. The President himself even commented, saying that he saw a lot of himself in that very smart and humble young man....

Trump ‘Playground-Tweets’ Iran

Trump ‘Playground-Tweets’ Iran

As Iranian protests have intensified, President Donald Trump has been increasingly vocal in support of them, even taking personal shots at Iranian President Hassan Rouhani. On Saturday, he tweeted, “It’s a wonderful thing when university students in other countries protest bad leaders. This Rouhani guy’s obviously not a genius or even like very smart. Sad!” Apparently not satisfied with this...

GOP Decides Prayer Now Officially Tax Deductible
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GOP Decides Prayer Now Officially Tax Deductible

Following the success of Israeli Agriculture Minister, Uri Ariel’s campaign to pray away the drought that has affected the region for years, several key GOP leaders have inserted a provision into the new United States Tax Plan to allow tax deductions for prayer. Speaker of the House Paul Ryan commented, “We used to allow deductions for silly things like installing...