Boaz Bulbulovitz

Boaz Bulbulovitz is a senior correspondent at The Mideast Beast, and author of the Pulitzer Prize-winning “My Prick Is Holier than Yours: Why the Temple Mount Is Nothing More than a Petty Genital Size Contest.” As The New York Times Book Review put it, Bulbulovitz “wields his pen like a trigger-happy penis, penetrating the deepest recesses of Judeo-Islamic fascism.”

Born and raised in the religious West Bank settlement of Beit Zayin, Bulbulovitz was disowned by his family after many a steamy IDF shower session convinced him that he was gay. He then spent a decade traveling – developing a love of hashish and Muslim men in Morocco, Theravada Buddhism in Thailand and raging progressivism in the Netherlands – before returning to Israel to study law. Now a full-time writer, Bulbulovitz is currently working on his fourth book, “Pan-Semenites: How Gay Jews & Arabs Can Together Solve the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict,” and lives in Jaffa with his Cairo-born husband, footballer Tiz al-Jizzum, and their twin Boxers, Allah and Hashem.

Follow him on Twitter https://twitter.com/bulbulovitz

 

On Holocaust Day, Israel Announces 5 Stars to Be Added to Flag so “World Never Forgets”

On Holocaust Day, Israel Announces 5 Stars to Be Added to Flag so “World Never Forgets”

JERUSALEM ­ – In tribute to the six million victims of the Nazi genocide of European Jewry, Israel’s government announced today that five more Stars of David would be added to its national flag. Speaking at an event commemorating Yom HaShaoh – Israel’s official Holocaust Remembrance Day – Israeli Culture Minister Miri Regev said: “This way, no one will ever forget that the Nazis butchered six million Jews as the world stood by and did nothing. Bubkes. Zilch. Besides, I always thought...

French Far Rightist: Jews Control Half the World, Muslims the Other

French Far Rightist: Jews Control Half the World, Muslims the Other

PARIS – Jean-Marie Le Pen, the founder of France’s far-right National Front party, has accused Jews and Muslims of “global co-domination.” At a rally in Paris yesterday, the convicted Holocaust denier said: “Jews control the U.S. Congress, the German government and the global media, banking and pornography industries, while Muslims control the UN, the White House, [French President] Hollande and the global oil industry. So be warned, endangered Christian Caucasians: if we don’t act, the Semitic hordes will not only...

Israeli Jews Call for Ban on Muslims Bending Over During Prayer, Citing “Air Pollution”

Israeli Jews Call for Ban on Muslims Bending Over During Prayer, Citing “Air Pollution”

An Israeli Jewish organization has rejected accusations of racism after it issued a public call for a nationwide ban on Muslim men prostrating themselves during prayer. “Put simply, it stinks,” said Betzalel Gizanni, head of the recently formed Jewish Coalition against Arab Anal Pollution (JCAAP). “Millions of men bending over five times a day in a position that encourages farting constitutes a threat to national security – for the sake of the purity of Jewish respiratory systems, we demand that...

Feeling Outdone by ISIS, Hamas Establishes ‘Harvard of Jihadi Horror’

Feeling Outdone by ISIS, Hamas Establishes ‘Harvard of Jihadi Horror’

Vowing to “double down on our undying bloodlust,” Gaza’s prime minister opened the College of Innovative Infidel Killing & Eradication (CIKE) yesterday, cutting the black-and-green striped ribbon before executing 26 “perfidious Zionist spies” in celebration. “We are especially proud of our trailblazing degrees like the Bachelor of Jew Slaughter and Master of Homocide – the first of their kind in the world,” Hamas’s Ismail Haniyeh gloated to cries of delirious delight at the jihadi-studded inauguration. CIKE’s campus in the southern...

U.S. Jews Torn between Adding Trump Fans or Bernie Bros as 11th Plague at Passover Dinner

U.S. Jews Torn between Adding Trump Fans or Bernie Bros as 11th Plague at Passover Dinner

Ahead of Passover, many Jewish Americans are debating which extra plague to include in the Seder night recitation of the Ten Plagues of Egypt. “Trump fans and Bernie Bros are as idiotic and dangerous as each other,” said Ira Abrahmovitz, who is weighing which group to add to the list of biblical plagues that Jews read out alone during Seder. “Whether by fascism or socialism, their chosen candidates each stand to enslave America,” the Manhattan resident told the Mideast Beast. “Trumpians are...

Iran Destroys Millions of Sex Toys in “Night of Burning Rubber”

Iran Destroys Millions of Sex Toys in “Night of Burning Rubber”

TEHRAN – Acrid smoke blanketed Iran’s capital yesterday after an estimated 120 tons of confiscated sex toys were burned in what media outlets have dubbed “Dildonacht.” At sundown, a succession of lorries began emptying the confiscated objects into a massive bonfire in Tehran’s iconic Azadi Square, which one onlooker, 62-year-old Kamran Mahmedinejizz, described as “a spectacular inferno” and “a fitting response to a national moral emergency.” Others complained of intense coughing and difficulty breathing, and health officials were soon forced to distribute...

Hamas Destroys Gaza Tunnels after Exposing Underground Arab-on-Jew Butt-Butt Parties

Hamas Destroys Gaza Tunnels after Exposing Underground Arab-on-Jew Butt-Butt Parties

Gaza’s prime minister announced today that six attack tunnels leading into Israel had been demolished, claiming they were “dens of homo-Zionist depravity.” Speaking on Al Aqsa TV, Prime Minister Ismail Haniyeh alleged that hundreds of Gazan and Israeli men had been meeting regularly in the tunnels to engage “in acts of bestial proportions,” and that even though the destroyed tunnels degraded his forces’ military capabilities, “our hatred of Sodomites supersedes our desire to slaughter Jews.” RELATED: Gay Vandals Give Al-Aqsa Mosque ‘Rainbow...

“Hail Hashallah”: Nude Ex-Jews & Muslims Proclaim New Rasta-style Religion

“Hail Hashallah”: Nude Ex-Jews & Muslims Proclaim New Rasta-style Religion

SAN FRANCISCO – Chanting “neither Hashem nor Allah – only revolutionary Hashallah,” over a million Juslims converged on an island off the Bay City yesterday to declare a new, ‘post-Abrahamic’ faith. Juslam, which despite its name is unrecognizable from most streams of Judaism or Islam, “is devoted to ending war, inequality, poverty and disease, as well as championing cannabis legalization, nudism, pansexuality, interracial marriage, anti-speciesism, technological innovation and a non-violent jihad against climate change,” announced Her Holiness the 1st Supreme...

Hamas Endorses Sanders for President, Calls Him “Jew We Can Believe In”

Hamas Endorses Sanders for President, Calls Him “Jew We Can Believe In”

Less than a week after erroneously claiming that Israel killed “over 10,000 innocents” in the 2014 Gaza War, Democratic U.S. Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders has earned the endorsement of the Islamist group Hamas. “Sanders is just our kind of Jew,” said Hamas spokesman Sami Abu Zuhri on Al Aqsa TV yesterday. “Whereas Hillary Clinton is a Zionist c**t from hell, Sanders is a Jew we can believe in. We thus wholeheartedly endorse him for U.S. President, and look forward to him...

In Global Survey, 99.9% of Humankind Agrees: “Fuck ISIS!”

In Global Survey, 99.9% of Humankind Agrees: “Fuck ISIS!”

In a world dismally divided along religious, political and economic lines, nearly everyone, from Ankara to Tunisia, can at least agree on something: ISIS is a cult of satanic pedo-Nazis. According to a Pew Research Center poll conducted among two million people across all seven continents – including North Korean gulag wardens, Sudanese mass murderers and entirely warm-hearted glaciologists in Antarctica – a staggering 99.9% of humankind agrees with the statement, “Fuck ISIS!” From terror attacks against Sunnis, Shi’ites, Christians,...

Amid Low Turnout, Angry Saudi Apartheid Week Organizers Ask, ‘Why Is Israel so Special?’

Amid Low Turnout, Angry Saudi Apartheid Week Organizers Ask, ‘Why Is Israel so Special?’

OXFORD – Despite boisterous Israeli Apartheid Week events held at universities across the globe recently, organizers of an initiative fighting gender inequality in Saudi Arabia are reporting poor attendance and a pervasive mood of apathy among students. “No one seems to care that 15 million Saudis live as second-class citizens,” bemoaned Oxford Saudi Apartheid Week (SAW) co-organizer, Yasmine al-Sharifi, amid mounds of untouched pamphlets detailing the kingdom’s discriminatory laws. “With all due respect to our brothers and sisters in Palestine,...

Florida’s Jewish Trump Voters Too Riddled with Dementia to Remember What Fascism Is

Florida’s Jewish Trump Voters Too Riddled with Dementia to Remember What Fascism Is

BOCA RATON – After his resounding victory in Florida’s GOP presidential primary, elderly Jewish Floridians who voted for Donald Trump have admitted that they don’t get what all the fuss is about.  Sitting in the dining room of Beth Tzion, Palm Beach County’s Jewish old age home, 82-year-old resident Hymie Rosenberg praised the controversial GOP frontrunner for his “strength, wisdom and business acumen.” “He’s also the only candidate who’ll protect us from the Muslim invasion,” added Rosenberg, as a nurse...

West Coast JAP Thanks BDS Activist for Punching Her in Face, Catalyzing Coveted Nose Job

West Coast JAP Thanks BDS Activist for Punching Her in Face, Catalyzing Coveted Nose Job

LOS ANGELES – A Jewish American college student has won $300,000 in damages after she was viciously assaulted at an Israeli-organized falafel promotion event last year. In August 2015, at the opening of the Israeli Foreign Ministry-sponsored International Falafel Pride Week, 19-year-old Natalie Gadoloff was nibbling on her deep-fried mass of ground chickpeas when a group of BDS activists began throwing balls of excrement drenched in red paint at her, yelling, “that’s for the murdered children of Palestine, butcherous biatch!”...

Jeb Bush: If President, I Won’t Lick Saudi Ass Like My Bro Did

Jeb Bush: If President, I Won’t Lick Saudi Ass Like My Bro Did

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a bid to distance himself from his older brother’s checkered legacy, GOP presidential candidate Jeb Bush has promised a major shift in U.S. Mideast policy. “The Iranians are not the only ones supporting extremism in the region: the Saudis are just as much to blame,” Jeb Bush said in an interview with The Washington Post. “Read my lips: As president, I will end America’s odious practice of licking the Saudis’ hairy, terror-aiding anus.” According to Bush,...

UN Study: Aussies, Not Arabs, Are World’s Worst Zoophiles

UN Study: Aussies, Not Arabs, Are World’s Worst Zoophiles

The United Nations Department for the Elimination of Cruelty and Exploitation of Non-Human Terrestrials (UNDECENT) has published a groundbreaking report that challenges the widespread belief that the Middle East is home to the world’s largest concentration of zoophiles. “Despite the endless derogatory jokes about Arabs and Muslims copulating with camels, goats etc., it appears that the world’s highest rate of bestiality is in fact found in supposedly ‘enlightened’ Australia, followed closely by nearby New Zealand,” said UNDECENT’s chief researcher, Prof. Humphrey...

Trump to Israelis: My Mexico Wall Will Put Your Pussy Fence to Shame

Trump to Israelis: My Mexico Wall Will Put Your Pussy Fence to Shame

NACO, AZ – After his recent call to ban Muslims from entering the U.S. led to global outrage and his rumored disinvitation by Israel’s prime minister from a scheduled late-December meeting in the Holy Land, Donald Trump has returned to a more familiar campaign theme. While in Naco, Arizona on his second such campaign trip to the U.S.-Mexico border, the Republican U.S. Presidential primary front-runner – after first citing “Israel’s terrific terror-fighting efforts” as his inspiration – then insulted its...

Hillary: Lube up, Donny Boy, ‘Cause on Election Day, I’m Going to Schlong YOU!

Hillary: Lube up, Donny Boy, ‘Cause on Election Day, I’m Going to Schlong YOU!

After Donald Trump said that she got “schlonged” by Barack Obama in the 2008 Democratic Presidential primaries (‘schlong’ is a Yiddish word for penis), Hillary Clinton has responded with even greater vulgarity. Taking to Twitter, the usually restrained Democratic front-runner made a series of lewd remarks-cum-threats to the characteristically unrestrained Republican front-runner, starting with: “.@realdonaldtrump Lube up, Donny Boy, because if you win the GOP primary, I’m going to give you the schlonging of your life come Election Day!” It was...

Month after Ball Shaving Fatwa, Iran Declares War on Genital Piercing

Month after Ball Shaving Fatwa, Iran Declares War on Genital Piercing

TEHRAN – Iran’s Supreme Leader has launched “a holy war on the satanic mutilation practice” of genital piercing, citing a “Zionist plot to destroy our Islamic values.” “We must eliminate this ravenous cancer before it devours the very soul of our nation,” warned Ayatollah Ali Khamenei at an emergency session of the Iranian parliament yesterday. “As such, all those found with these devilish instruments of Western perversion will lose the very organs they seek to despicably stimulate,” he decreed, less...

Muslims, Latinos Stage ‘Flash Orgy’ outside Trump HQ

Muslims, Latinos Stage ‘Flash Orgy’ outside Trump HQ

NEW YORK – Chanting slogans like “United We Shag, Divided We Fall,” “Fight Racist Fearmongering with Interracial Lovemaking,” and “Brown is Bonkaliciously Beautiful,” thousands staged a massive orgy today in front of Manhattan’s Trump Tower – home to both the GOP front-runner’s campaign and corporate headquarters, as well as his primary residence. Amassing outside the Fifth Avenue skyscraper at noon, the Muslim and Latino participants – along with allies from myriad other backgrounds – engaged in an hour-long “flash orgy”...

Ben Carson Strikes Again: As President, I’ll Liquidate Ayatollah ‘Kumonme’

Ben Carson Strikes Again: As President, I’ll Liquidate Ayatollah ‘Kumonme’

SAN DIEGO – Just days after pronouncing ‘Hamas’ as ‘Hummus,’ GOP presidential candidate Ben Carson invoked male fluid emission when threatening Ali Khamenei, Iran’s Supreme Leader. Addressing a gathering of security-focused Republican donors in San Diego, the former neurosurgeon – who has been criticized for his lack of foreign policy acumen – vowed to not only “rip up” the contentious nuclear deal signed with Iran, but topple its anti-Western Islamic regime. “If elected president, I’ll instruct our Special Forces to liquidate...