Boaz Bulbulovitz is a senior correspondent at The Mideast Beast, and author of the Pulitzer Prize-winning “My Prick Is Holier than Yours: Why the Temple Mount Is Nothing More than a Petty Genital Size Contest.” As The New York Times Book Review put it, Bulbulovitz “wields his pen like a trigger-happy penis, penetrating the deepest recesses of Judeo-Islamic fascism.”
Born and raised in the religious West Bank settlement of Beit Zayin, Bulbulovitz was disowned by his family after many a steamy IDF shower session convinced him that he was gay. He then spent a decade traveling – developing a love of hashish and Muslim men in Morocco, Theravada Buddhism in Thailand and raging progressivism in the Netherlands – before returning to Israel to study law. Now a full-time writer, Bulbulovitz is currently working on his fourth book, “Pan-Semenites: How Gay Jews & Arabs Can Together Solve the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict,” and lives in Jaffa with his Cairo-born husband, footballer Tiz al-Jizzum, and their twin Boxers, Allah and Hashem.
Follow him on Twitter https://twitter.com/bulbulovitz
According to the psychic who relayed the story of an irate ISIS suicide bomber who contracted STDs in heaven, the late Mary MacLeod Trump regrets having her fourth child, Donald, on account of his “campaign of contagious hate.” “Mary is heartbroken that her son is spreading so much bigotry down here on earth,” alleges Shanti Shapiro, regarded as California’s premier...
TUCSON – Citing his “terrific compassion,” GOP presidential nominee Donald Trump has offered ‘Make America Great Again’ hats to all would-be deportees from the U.S. to “shield them from the harsh sun back in their homeland.” “And they say I’m a cold-hearted racist!” the billionaire told a rally in suburban Tucson yesterday. “Believe me, the Mexicans will be overjoyed with this token...
From The Onion to The Mideast Beast, hundreds of satire writers have resolved to kill themselves on November 8 should Democratic presidential front-runner Hillary Clinton defeat GOP nominee Donald Trump, a months-long TMB investigation can reveal. “With the shit that pours out of that orange buffoon’s mouth, my articles over the past year have practically written themselves,” said one writer...
LOS ANGELES – Alleging that Donald Trump’s “selective bigotry” is damaging their standing among fellow oppressed groups, angry gay Americans are demanding that the Republican presidential candidate extend his deluge of insults to them. At a rally in West Hollywood, hundreds of irate gay white men protested their “immoral exclusion from Trump’s spate of hate.” Complained James, a 24-year-old personal trainer...
A squadron of C-130J Super Hercules attacked the Islamic State’s de facto capital, Raqqa, early this morning, airdropping hundreds of thousands of sex toys and tubes of lubricants in a pre-dawn mission. According to a statement released by U.S. Central Command, the packages – signed “With Love from America” – included a variety of dildos, nipple clamps and anal beads inscribed in...
CAIRO –Thousands of Egyptian locals and foreign tourists awoke to a startling sight on Wednesday: the pyramids of Giza, the only surviving marvel of the Seven Ancient Wonders of the World, had been pinkwashed overnight. While many were at first convinced that the peculiar color was merely a reflection of the desert sunrise, it soon became clear that the ancient...
Homophobes throughout the Holy Land are cowering in fear after a spate of attacks by a binational militia, TMB can reveal. Under the cover of night, armed masked ‘Swordsmen of Canaan’ have been methodically targeting rabbis, imams and politicians who openly preach anti-LGBT hatred. Following a months-long investigation, the Mideast Beast has learned that the militia is comprised of about 70 expertly trained...
BEIRUT – The Middle East’s simmering ‘Hummus Wars’ dramatically escalated today after Lebanon’s Minister of Sport provocatively declared Lesbian Hummus Wrestling his country’s official national sport. “With this landmark decision, we’ll once and for all prove that Lebanese – not Israeli – mashed chickpeas and bikini-clad chicks are the tastiest in the region,” said Abdul Muttalib Hinnawi at Beirut’s National Hummusdome (formerly the Roman Hippodrome)....
An Israeli pacifist has died trying to fulfill his dream of “spreading the message of love and liberty across the hate-filled deserts of the Middle East.” 27-year-old Ori Ashkenazi left Tel Aviv to great fanfare, telling CNN: “Ever since I was a kid at a candle-lit memorial for our slain prime minister, Yitzhak Rabin, I’ve dreamed of peace in the...
Addressing concerns that a philandering ‘First Dude’ could scandalize a future Hillary Clinton Administration, the Democratic U.S. Presidential nominee vowed on Friday to “keep Bill on a short, GPS-reinforced leash.” “Look, even though Bill has apologized for what happened – which occurred nearly twenty years ago, I may add – I’ll put preventative measures in place,” former First Lady Hillary Clinton...
NEW YORK – The war of words between Donald J. Trump and the parents of a fallen U.S. soldier significantly escalated last night after the GOP presidential nominee repeatedly insulted the appearance of Army Captain Humayun Khan’s bereaved mother. After reiterating his previous attacks on Ghazala Khan and her husband, Khizr, Trump told Fox News’s Sean Hannity: “Imagine having a...
NEW YORK – Citing widespread support for his presidential bid by white supremacists, Ivanka Trump’s children have reportedly issued an impassioned appeal to “Grandpa Don to spare us the horrors of a second Holocaust” if the presumptive GOP nominee wins in November. The somewhat hysterical plea follows multiple anti-Semitic and otherwise racist incidents that have marred the Republican’s campaign for the...
NEW YORK – Despite enjoying lavish funding from its Qatari owners, Al Jazeera America has announced that it will cease operations this September, blaming “stubbornly low rates of Jew hatred in the United States.” Launched in 2013, Al Jazeera America (AJAM) promised to provide more serious reporting than other U.S. networks like CNN and Fox News. However, despite a massive budget...
NEW YORK – Billionaire Republican presidential contender Donald Trump has unveiled a controversial peace proposal for the strife-torn holy land: give the U.S. island territory of Puerto Rico to the Palestinians as compensation for surrendering to Israel. According to the so-called “Trump Solution,” rolled out by the outspoken business magnate at a Manhattan press conference, the U.S. would fund the relocation...
Presumptive GOP presidential nominee Donald Trump has vowed to ban “all Musligators” from U.S. waters after a 2-year-old boy was found dead near a Disney hotel in Florida Wednesday. Taking to Twitter just minutes after officials confirmed the tragic death of the Nebraska child, who witnesses said was pulled into a lagoon on Tuesday night, Trump wrote: “A Christian alligator would...
Just two days after claiming that Ted Cruz’s father aided JFK’s assassin, Donald Trump has alleged that Hugh E. Rodham orchestrated the slaying of Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin. “Crooked Hillary got her daddy to organize the hit [by religious extremist Yigal Amir] in order to boost the reputation of her rapist husband, Bighead Bill,” said the GOP presidential candidate....
JERUSALEM – In tribute to the six million victims of the Nazi genocide of European Jewry, Israel’s government announced today that five more Stars of David would be added to its national flag. Speaking at an event commemorating Yom HaShaoh – Israel’s official Holocaust Remembrance Day – Israeli Culture Minister Miri Regev said: “This way, no one will ever forget that...
PARIS – Jean-Marie Le Pen, the founder of France’s far-right National Front party, has accused Jews and Muslims of “global co-domination.” At a rally in Paris yesterday, the convicted Holocaust denier said: “Jews control the U.S. Congress, the German government and the global media, banking and pornography industries, while Muslims control the UN, the White House, [French President] Hollande and...
Vowing to “double down on our undying bloodlust,” Gaza’s prime minister opened the College of Innovative Infidel Killing & Eradication (CIKE) yesterday, cutting the black-and-green striped ribbon before executing 26 “perfidious Zionist spies” in celebration. “We are especially proud of our trailblazing degrees like the Bachelor of Jew Slaughter and Master of Homocide – the first of their kind in...
Ahead of Passover, many Jewish Americans are debating which extra plague to include in the Seder night recitation of the Ten Plagues of Egypt. “Trump fans and Bernie Bros are as idiotic and dangerous as each other,” said Ira Abrahmovitz, who is weighing which group to add to the list of biblical plagues that Jews read out alone during Seder. “Whether...
