Muslims, Latinos Stage ‘Flash Orgy’ outside Trump HQ

A placard held by anti-Trump onlookers at yesterday’s event. (Photo by Elvert Barnes via Flickr bit.ly/1QHBy17)

NEW YORK – Chanting slogans like “United We Shag, Divided We Fall,” “Fight Racist Fearmongering with Interracial Lovemaking,” and “Brown is Bonkaliciously Beautiful,” thousands staged a massive orgy today in front of Manhattan’s Trump Tower – home to both the GOP front-runner’s campaign and corporate headquarters, as well as his primary residence.

Amassing outside the Fifth Avenue skyscraper at noon, the Muslim and Latino participants – along with allies from myriad other backgrounds – engaged in an hour-long “flash orgy” to protest Republican U.S. Presidential candidate Donald Trump’s “campaign of contagious hate.” Explained the organizers in a message posted on social media minutes before the event began: “Trump claims we reject American values, but we in fact whole-heartedly embrace them; indeed, what’s more freedom-loving than wild group sex? And so – from the nation that birthed the vibrator, the Free Love movement and copious porn genres – we hereby present the Muslatinorgy. Sit back, relax wank and enjoy the show!”

Harder, wider, deeper

Inspired by a recent protest on Jerusalem’s Temple Mount to promote Arab-Jewish co-existence, the ‘Muslatinorgy’ comprised numerous theatrical formations, the longest being the “Up Yours, Trump!” anal train. Stretching for 80 meters between East 56th and East 57th streets, 200 copulating couples – the receptive partners in Trump facemasks – screamed variations of “You like it, Donny boy? Oh yeahhh, but f**k me harder, Master Mahmud,” and “How’s that, trampy Trumpy? Lovin’ it, Madame Maria, but please, stretch me wider and fill me deeper with that blessed bulbous brown strap-on of yours!”

Among the dozens of other configurations were the gay “Hummus-Squirting Burritos Against Racism” and the clear crowd favorite, the “Patriotic Pussy Posse,” featuring hundreds of Muslim and Latina women shaving American flags into their brunette pubic bushes.

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The event was also star-studded; famous “orgynistas” included NBA legend Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, actors Eva Langoria, Aziz Ansari and Selma Hayak (lead chanter of “Make America Great Cum Again – and Again and Again!”) and Trump Tower resident Prince Mutaib bin Abdulaziz Al Saud (“I spotted the ruckus from my window, and even though everyone now knows how puny my penis is – not to mention the fury of my brother, King Salman – I just couldn’t resist watching up close Selena Gomez carving 50 stars into her snatch.”)

Cheering from the sidelines (fully clothed) was none other than ex-Trump admirer Mohammed Ali, flanked on either side by the U.S. Supreme Court’s first Hispanic justice, Sonia Sotomayor, and top Clinton aide Huma Abedin, who told the Mideast Beast that she “came to offer Hillary’s full-throated support.”

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In contrast to the orgy’s Jerusalem precursor – which ended in hundreds of arrests – the NYPD declined to detain the participants. As NYC Mayor Bill de Blasio – who Trump recently called “the worst mayor in the U.S.” – later said: “While lewd conduct is ordinarily a punishable offense, Herr Trump sure earned the honor of having his headquarters’ entrance drenched with the love juices of liberty-loving immigrants and their seed. Indeed, the only people who should be ashamed of themselves are Fascist Trump and Co – though the city will of course pay for the high-pressure hoses needed for the extensive cleanup.”

Trump, meanwhile, reacted furiously on Twitter: “.@muslatinorgy How desperate, despicable and downright criminal!! You’ll be the first law-breaking darkies I’ll deport as President!!!” His next tweet, however, struck a less angry note: “You’ll see: I’ll stage an even bigger orgy, and – disguised in the frenzied mountain of all-white participants – I’ll even get to finally bang my baby girl, Ivanka!”