Ben Carson Strikes Again: As President, I’ll Liquidate Ayatollah ‘Kumonme’

SAN DIEGO – Just days after pronouncing ‘Hamas’ as ‘Hummus,’ GOP presidential candidate Ben Carson invoked male fluid emission when threatening Ali Khamenei, Iran’s Supreme Leader.

Addressing a gathering of security-focused Republican donors in San Diego, the former neurosurgeon – who has been criticized for his lack of foreign policy acumen – vowed to not only “rip up” the contentious nuclear deal signed with Iran, but topple its anti-Western Islamic regime. “If elected president, I’ll instruct our Special Forces to liquidate Ayatollah Kumonme, Bin Laden-style,” Carson said. “Terrorism is terrorism, whether directed from an Afghani cave or the heart of a UN member’s capital.”

Unbeknown to Carson, a more accurate pronunciation of Khamenei is KHOH-meh-ne-EE (the ‘Kh’ sounds similar to the ‘ch’ in the Scottish ‘loch’, or when trying to clear one’s throat). Carson’s lewd-sounding variation, which many at the event evidently heard as CUM-on-me, provoked hysterical laughter and incredulous headshaking. Seemingly oblivious to his blunder’s sexual connotation, Carson then mispronounced Khamenei’s name a further four times as he outlined his plan to turn Iran into the “Canada of the Middle East.”

Journalists and political analysts were quick to declare the gaffe the final nail in the coffin of Carson’s floundering campaign: “He literally asked the leader of a deeply religious, homophobic state to ejaculate on him – repeatedly!” exclaimed CNN’s Anderson Cooper. “If that doesn’t finish him off, I don’t know what will,” he said, adding, “no penile pun intended.”